teenagers

[daydreamer45]

Hi all, can you please tell me how your teens contribute in the household? I have been very soft and I am regretting it now. He is 18 and attends school full time with a decent commute. How much work/cooking/washing etc do they do? Thanks.

Don't have a teen but wasn't too long ago for me so I can say what I was expected to do a few year ago which I think is reasonable...

Was still in full time education at college and expected to have a part time job and contribute towards anything my mother needed help with at the time money wise. If work was short then get all hours of work I could get.

When at home to do my own clothes washing, washing dishes and just generally cleaning up after myself. Expected to just use my common sense with cleaning really if something housework wise looked like it needed doing then just do it.

Cooking wise, if at home when dinner being cooked then help out if not cook it all. If I wasn't at home when mum was cooking because a night out or working then sort own dinner out and expectedly clean up after myself.

Mum was very much " your an adult, you won't be at home forever. "

From 16 (well starting 6th form) mine had their own laundry basket and were responsible for laundry, changing sheets and vacuuming their rooms. They were expected to walk the dog on request and cook for each other if I wasn't at home. From 18 they were left in charge of the dog more and cooked more. Washing up has been shared since age 10, general cleaning shared from 18

13 ds, strips and washes his own bed and remakes. Keeps his room tidy & clean. Washes the dishes once everyday. Does the bins weekly. Cleans the bathroom after himself. Gets his own breakfast everyday. Gets his own dinner a couple of time’s a week and occasionally cooks for us all.

DD is 14, he is expected to strip his bed weekly and put clean sheets on (usually have to remind him), and put clean washing away. He helps set and clear the table for meals and loads/unloads the dishwasher.

He makes his own breakfast and lunches and sometimes helps with the evening meal. He is our resident houmous maker, a skill he perfected over lockdown.

Oh and he shares putting the recycling out with his younger sister.

Ds is 16. He cleans and tidies his bedroom, brings his washing down and strips and makes his bed. He also puts his clean washing away.

He loads the dishwasher every other day, empties the bins and puts the bins and recycling out.
He also cuts the grass.

His most important job however is catching and disposing of spiders as DD and I both hate them!

My children are 21 and 23 now, but have been doing chores since they were very young. Obviously, always age appropriate. Picking up toys, helping with dishes, pets, etc. They both were doing their own laundry by 12, they also had to clean their rooms, change their beds once a week, and keep their bathroom clean. They also pitched in doing other housework and work in the garden. Not doing their share was never an option. We do our children no favours if we don't teach them basic life skills.

I suggest you get your son's arse in gear. The world has enough man-children.

DD (14) is the recycling/rubbish manager. She takes everything out and replaces the bags or containers.
Keeps her own bedroom clean and remakes the bed.
Lays and clears the table (dishwasher) every evening. Cooks for herself if home alone.
Feeds, baths and brushes the dog. Walking is shared.

IF ASKED she’s expected to use the washing machine, vacuum and dust, do small shopping trips (and keep the change). Hang out and put away everybody’s clean clothes.

But her main priority is being a student and getting good marks. If there’s a test tomorrow I’ll let her off some of her jobs. I do nearly all the cooking, not because other people refuse but because it’s more relaxing without another person dithering nearby!

She gets €40 a month pocket money but it’s not dependent on housework. I say the DCs have to sing for their supper, in other words contribute in kind if they don’t contribute financially.

Dc (13 and 15) tidy and clean rooms (including changing bedding), put clean clothes away and dirty laundry in basket by machine, alternate clearing up after evening meal - the other prepares the dog's meals for the next day and take out rubbish / recyling and compost.

They both have heavy extra-curricular commitments but none of these things take very long

Ds 16 gets up, that’s pretty much it.
Dd 14 doesn’t even do that.
I’m expecting more from Monday 😬

DS 14 and DD 14. They make their beds daily, change their bedding, bring down and sort their dirty laundry. They each cook once per week and are responsible for loading the d/w, doing the washing up and tidying the kitchen a few days per week.

For their phones & contracts they each clean and valet a car once per month and do all the bins between them.

17yo is totally responsible for her room, She cleans and tidies and changes her own bedding. The rest depends on her school schedule, she is often at school 7.30am (6.45am one morning) until 6pm so I don't expect her to do too much, she might empty the dishwasher and will help tidy up after dinner but that's it. Term time weekends are taken up with sport, school work and seeing friends so she might bake for the family and she will help clean up after meals but again I think that is enough. Holidays she will do her own laundry, vacuum and dust, help with meals. She will always help if I ask, she is pretty agreeable, but her brother at Uni who lives at home has more free time so I often get him to help instead.

How do other parents cope with answering back and this attitude of entitlement. It feels like it has worsened since lock down and not attending school my son seems to have an answer for everything. I have tried all the suggestions in the book of listening to his views and but he seems to completely lack empathy and consideration of others.
An example I lost my dad in February he was more bothered about arrangements with his friend. Could not grasp I was grieving the loss of my dad his grandfather my only family member left. He is 13.5 years old.