Don't know what to do?

[Shoegal0305]

So I posted recently about DS 17, 'temporarily' leaving home to do a summer job in the field he eventually wants to work in. He's 18 is 2 months. Currently about to start 2nd year of A levels.

Since he's been doing his summer job he's expressed his total dread at returning home. Where he is now is about 2 1/2 - 3 hours from home. He's staying with friends who are on the uni course he eventually wants to get onto. They are lovely lads, switched on etc I have no issues with that. DS is tipping up money for his board and lodgings. All good.

Today however he's hit me with the decision he's not coming home!!! He's found a course at a local college where he is now, one year, will give him the equivalent of 3 A Levels. I'm distraught beyond belief. He reckons he can work where he is now to pay his way, ditch his A Levels and do this other course and then get to uni that way???

I'm a lone parent with no support. Im so proud of him as he's showing such initiative towards what he wants to do, however, I'd kind of mapped out in mr head that he had one more year at home, then the humdrum of uni, grants/loans etc........... I'm so worried he'll crash and not manage. I selfishly want him to come home as I wasn't mentally ready!!! He's agreed to at least come home and talk, but his mind is made up???

Help!!!

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OP I get it.
My ds is 17 and this summer has been all independant and barely been home.
he doesn't like being at home
He has one year left to go, and is counting the days. But we aren't allowed to do anything to help him get on track with A levels.

But then I remember my brother was similar. Home was this awful bourgeois place that he found embarrassing. Parents and siblings were horribly irritating.

Now is he a lovely dad with 3 kids and very much close to and involved with his parents.

I was similar, but less strong, I couldn't WAIT to leave home to go to uni. I hardly came home for a few years.

Support him from a distance, he may crash and need to repeat. Life won't end. Give him credit for all he has achieved, and be a safe palce ready for him if he needs it.
He has had the taste of freedom, and he doesn't want to step back into the mundane.
He doesn't have to go down a conventional life.

The only thing I would be wanting to say to him is - how much do you want to do this uni course? How much is it worth to you? You may need to do a step back to something that is not what you want, in order to get your long term goal.
But say it and then step back and let him make his decision.

@steppemum thank you it helps to know people are in similar situations. My son says he definitely does want to get to uni. Thing is there's only two routes........ he either finishes his A levels or he takes a year out and applies to do a BTEC two year course from
Next year. That's it. There's no other options to get to uni. The industry he wants to work in is very niche and unfortunately the options of you don't have education behind you are very limited. There's only so far he will be able to go. Plus it's seasonal so if he's not in a Management role he will be out of work a few months a year.