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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Son's girlfriend advice asap

59 replies

dollypops15 · 25/07/2020 19:53

Hey guys I'm new here. Just looking for some advice as I'm in an awkward situation. My son 15 has been going out with a girl of the same age for a month or so. She is new to the area we live. She is here most days. Just joining in whatever we do as a family. She has started opening up saying its horrific at home. Step dad is abuse, swears calls her a whore, hits her sometimes, used to beat her mum and is a heavy drinker. She is the oldest of 6 and apparently it only happens to her. I dont know the man so cant comment. The police brought her to my house last week and asked of she could stay for a few hours because something was happening at home. I was in shock so that's all they said. This turned into an over night stay. She took my son's bed he was on the living room sofa. She has been confiding in me more and more. How she used to live with family were she is originally from which is miles away, how social services have already been involved and how she has even attended school with a black eye because of the step dad. She is here now. After another argument where she was apparently thrown out the door. Her mum is now messaging me saying she wants her home. The girl is getting extremely upset by this and is refusing and is refusing because her step dad is drunk. This situation is all new to me. Any advice please. She has no family at all here they are over 6 hours drive away.

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 25/07/2020 19:55

I would find social services duty number and call it.

21NewNames · 25/07/2020 19:56

@Haggisfish

I would find social services duty number and call it.
Good advice there. Good luck.
Haggisfish · 25/07/2020 19:56

Eg I googled worcs duty social care and got this link: www.worcestershire.gov.uk/info/20324/advice_care_health_and_support/327/emergency_out_of_hours_social_work_services

GrumpyInTheMornin · 25/07/2020 19:58

Phone the police. She's in danger if she goes home

PotteringAlong · 25/07/2020 20:00

If the police dropped her off then the situation is known to them - call them, and call social services.

JavaQ · 25/07/2020 20:03

"The police brought her to my house last week and asked of she could stay for a few hours because something was happening at home."

Looks like you may need a spare room...
(see above- social services. )
Her mother sounds like she needs help

Gin4thewin · 25/07/2020 20:15

Police have the power to remove children on the spot and then SS can take over. SS have to apply for court order etc. Call the police, poor little mite

GrumpyInTheMornin · 25/07/2020 20:28

How are you getting on op?

JaniceBattersby · 25/07/2020 20:31

How awful. Surely if the step dad is being violent to the kids then the police should act? I’d call social services and take it from there but I definitely wouldn’t send her back to her mum’s tonight. Maybe just tell the mum that her daughter has gone to bed with a migraine and you’ll talk to her tomorrow or something, to buy you some time and so that the girl doesn’t face repercussions.

dollypops15 · 25/07/2020 20:32

Thanks guys her nan who lives 6 hours away has been on the phone. Apparently this life is her normality. Poor child. She said to keep her here and she will sort the situation with the mum for tonight. Them will be back in contact tomorrow. I'm just waiting to see if her nan has success with her num before ringing the police x

OP posts:
Ullupullu · 25/07/2020 20:34

If the police dropped her with you, didn't they give you a contact number or imply that they were getting Social Services involved? Try and phone SS but if they are busy - try the school. School will have a quicker route to SS with safeguarding concerns.

GrumpyInTheMornin · 25/07/2020 20:36

I'm glad she has you op. What a situation for you all. From what you've said the police need to be involved, however often is needed

SoPanny · 25/07/2020 20:37

Thank goodness she has you there OP and I’m sorry you are having to deal with what’s evidently an upsetting and distressing situation for all x

dollypops15 · 25/07/2020 20:47

Hey guys so I'm just on hold with the police whilst typing. Her nan had no luck. Mum has said she wants her home now. And that she is phoning social services Monday to have her put into the care system. I cant believe children are dealing with this. Very reluctant to have the police at my house. My 2 daughter are asleep but if my 6 year old with autism wakes up she will be so upset as this isnt our norm x

OP posts:
GameSetMatch · 25/07/2020 20:53

Poor girl, she’s lucky she has your family, I wonder why her Nan won’t take her in? Good luck in getting things sorted.

Splitsunrise · 25/07/2020 20:59

What an awful mother the poor child has. Well done for helping OP

TheGirlWithAPrince · 25/07/2020 21:00

i am a foster carer and i can say this unfortunately happens a lot and because of the lack of foster carers/homes for children the SS unfortunately have to turn a blind eye to a lot of stuff. Its truly horid and they need to do something about it.

I wouldnt be making her go home, definitely keep ringing SS as every complaint etc will then go on record for them to see how dangerous it is.

1 hit and he could kill her so they shouldnt be taking this lightly.

Kaiserin · 25/07/2020 21:00

Sounds awful OP.
I hope the poor girl will be OK, and I hope you and your family will be OK too.
Such a dreadful situation. Very kind of you to help, but also unfair that police and social services haven't done more yet!

GrumpyInTheMornin · 25/07/2020 21:01

Might be a blessing in disguise her mum phoning ss? Stick with the police

superstar84 · 25/07/2020 21:03

Poor girl, hope the police help

Hard to know what to do for the best, especially as your son is new to the relationship you want to be able to help but also keep your family routine

21NewNames · 25/07/2020 21:07

Well done OP. You’re doing the right thing Flowers

ERW22 · 25/07/2020 21:09

Poor girl, well done OP!

icelollycraving · 25/07/2020 21:16

Poor girl. Perhaps she would be better looked after in care. How depressing that there are children having this as their normal. Sad

FloreanFortescue · 25/07/2020 21:21

Heart of gold OP, she's so lucky to have someone to confide in.
Best of luck.

dollypops15 · 25/07/2020 21:23

Her nan wants to take her but she lives 6 hours away and the girl is scared of leaving her 5 brothers and sisters incase it happens to them. She is also worried about her education if she moved back to where she is originally from as the schooling isnt great. Honestly I am a fussy mum and always want the best for my 3 children. And I cant fault her at all she is the nicest teenage girl I've ever met. My 2 daughters think she is amazing. She is lovely

OP posts:
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