Son's girlfriend advice asap

[dollypops15]

Hey guys I'm new here. Just looking for some advice as I'm in an awkward situation. My son 15 has been going out with a girl of the same age for a month or so. She is new to the area we live. She is here most days. Just joining in whatever we do as a family. She has started opening up saying its horrific at home. Step dad is abuse, swears calls her a whore, hits her sometimes, used to beat her mum and is a heavy drinker. She is the oldest of 6 and apparently it only happens to her. I dont know the man so cant comment. The police brought her to my house last week and asked of she could stay for a few hours because something was happening at home. I was in shock so that's all they said. This turned into an over night stay. She took my son's bed he was on the living room sofa. She has been confiding in me more and more. How she used to live with family were she is originally from which is miles away, how social services have already been involved and how she has even attended school with a black eye because of the step dad. She is here now. After another argument where she was apparently thrown out the door. Her mum is now messaging me saying she wants her home. The girl is getting extremely upset by this and is refusing and is refusing because her step dad is drunk. This situation is all new to me. Any advice please. She has no family at all here they are over 6 hours drive away.

Must be awful for her knowing what home like is life with younger siblings there, she must feel a sense of responsibility for them. A lot for a young girl to handle. What did the police say?

If the police dropped her off, then they should have made social services aware of the situation. I would call the duty social worker and tell them that the girls mother is asking that she comes home. I think legally at the moment you have no rights to keep her there if the mother or stepdad come and demand she goes with them.
Bless you for helping this girl OP.

She’s 15, her mum can’t make her go home. If police or social services get involved, they would likely not send her home either with the information you are giving.

Is mum at risk if she doesn’t go home though? If dad is a is I’ve he’s likely controlling and doesn’t want outside influences.

You sound very caring and it’s good she finally has someone there to protect her x

Update. Thanks for all your advice. The police came and took her home. They said because there was an allegation of assault then the step dad had to leave the property. Mum insisted she went home. The police said social services will be there first thing tomorrow x

I think youve done all you can this evening. Hope both families are ok. Really hope step dad is removed this pm. Ring the police every time op. Sounds like this isn't going to be resolved quickly unfortunately

I know bless her. She has texted me to say thank you for helping her. She is at home know bed. Step dad has gone elsewhere. But she said she is scared incase he returns. Broke my heart when I ahe disclosed she has been self harming too and has depression xx

dollypops15, you are a lifeline to this poor girl. Thank goodness she has somewhere to go if she needs it. Take care of yourself too.

Tell her to phone or text you if step dad turns up in the middle of the night.

She will sleep better knowing she has a safe adult on her side.

Thanks guys I have done. I think the police woman also gave her her number too incase he returns. Poor little thing.

Poor poor girl. Sadly this girl will likely have a lifetime of self harm, depression, self medicating behaviours, because she wasn’t saved or helped earlier. Makes me so sad and cross. 😢

Any more advice guys. It's her 6 year old brothers bday today. So her mum has told her to get out of the house today and not return. As the step dad it's coming to spend the day with his son for his bday. She has turned up here at 7am. She has both phone ber mum smashed it up last night. Apparently mum said dont return and sleep elsewhere as step dad is staying the night until the social services meeting tomorrow. Her mum has also forbidden her to stay at my house. However she has no family here

Ring police and ss to update them with this info. How horrible that she’s putting that man above her own child..

💐 for all you are doing

I would call the police and the duty social worker again so they have it noted. You sound wonderful and a real life line to her. However (and I may be flamed for this), but speak to the social worker about what is going to happen going forward about where she is going to stay. My concern would be that your son is only 15 and this is an immense amount of pressure to put on him and your other children. If the relationship doesn’t work out (and at 15 it’s unlikely it will), what is the plan going forward?

As for putting a man above her child. As our 6 year olds bdays were days apart we asked did they want to join us at a child based them park for the day. As my daughter wanted my son's gf there to celebrate. We were told no. The step dad had refused to go as it wasnt fair that there was no rides for him to go on and he would be bored all day. That says it all

I would also get an email address and put this in writing to social services - harder for them to ignore if it’s there in black and white on their records.

Oh I totally agree it is too much for my son. They have only been together a month. And because of her home life she has literally been here from morning to night every single day. I've acquired her Nans number and let her know I have the girl again today. And that she has no where to go tonight as mum has refused to allow her to stay here. But happy to send her all day whilst they have a party and I feed her and support her emotionally. Plan going forward I think she is likely to move the 6 hours away to live with nan longterm xx

Cant help thinking there was a reason behind mum smashing her phone up. As there was lots of messages on there telling her they didnt want her

OP I took a 15 year old in a couple of years ago. Her mother had kicked her out whilst she was trying to do her GCSE.

If you can offer her a safe place to bed down please do it. I know it’s disruptive to your life, I’ve been there.

Call SS and ask for advice.

Definitely phone the police and update them and phone the duty social worker too.

I'm more than happy to keep her for as long as needed. My son will take the sofa or she can make a bed in my girls room. I'll ring the police again. See if they can put me in touch with the social worker dealing with it xx

Why was her Mum insisting that she return to the family home last night just to kick her out again early the following morning? The Mum sounds just as abusive as the step-dad. Weren’t SS supposed to be there this morning?

Yes I was under the impression from what the police said that the social worker would be there today. However the girl has just informed me that they are coming tomorrow. Apparently her mum called the police on her at midnight light night. After smashing up her phone saying she was attacking her 5 brothers. The girl claims this did not happen she was upstairs in bed crying when mum called the police. Not a bloody clue what's going on there. Mum hasnt even contacted me to check her daughter is safe and has a home for the day. She is vulnerable and crying out for attention. She said her mum was screaming at her until 2am this morning. Theres 7 children in that house. I couldn't cope not knowing where my 3 children are and that they are safe

for you dollypops for giving the girl a safe place and someone who can listen and liaise with Ss and police if needed, and be on her side through her turbulent family life.

Dollypops.
Hope SS act decisively tomorrow, if not persist with them even if it is out of hours duty SW. Be clear with them what the girl has said and what her concerns are. Police involvement is a real red flag.
I would really worry about stepdads contact and the little ones still there.
Remember too that you have been so helpful but ultimately SS need to take responsibility for the children being safe ongoing from this.
I know she is a long way off but Nana may be a good temporary placement just to keep them safe.