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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Son's girlfriend advice asap

59 replies

dollypops15 · 25/07/2020 19:53

Hey guys I'm new here. Just looking for some advice as I'm in an awkward situation. My son 15 has been going out with a girl of the same age for a month or so. She is new to the area we live. She is here most days. Just joining in whatever we do as a family. She has started opening up saying its horrific at home. Step dad is abuse, swears calls her a whore, hits her sometimes, used to beat her mum and is a heavy drinker. She is the oldest of 6 and apparently it only happens to her. I dont know the man so cant comment. The police brought her to my house last week and asked of she could stay for a few hours because something was happening at home. I was in shock so that's all they said. This turned into an over night stay. She took my son's bed he was on the living room sofa. She has been confiding in me more and more. How she used to live with family were she is originally from which is miles away, how social services have already been involved and how she has even attended school with a black eye because of the step dad. She is here now. After another argument where she was apparently thrown out the door. Her mum is now messaging me saying she wants her home. The girl is getting extremely upset by this and is refusing and is refusing because her step dad is drunk. This situation is all new to me. Any advice please. She has no family at all here they are over 6 hours drive away.

OP posts:
Shutupyoutart · 26/07/2020 11:51

That poor poor girl such a horrible toxic environment for her. The mum sounds just as bad, screaming at her smashing her phone, kicking her out so they can have a birthday party. Urgh what a nasty pair they are. Im. So glad she has you in her corner op. Hope you get some help and the poor child gets away from there for good. You sounds like a really wonderful woman with a good heart.x

Gin4thewin · 26/07/2020 12:03

Poor girl, it breaks my heart that in that short month youve been in her life, youve probably shown her more kindness and love than shes had in a very long time

thethoughtfox · 26/07/2020 12:22

@CatToddlerUprising

I would call the police and the duty social worker again so they have it noted. You sound wonderful and a real life line to her. However (and I may be flamed for this), but speak to the social worker about what is going to happen going forward about where she is going to stay. My concern would be that your son is only 15 and this is an immense amount of pressure to put on him and your other children. If the relationship doesn’t work out (and at 15 it’s unlikely it will), what is the plan going forward?
This is really important. Your son's relationship should be a casual thing that he can end when it runs its course. Do not allow this entwining of your family with hers. Your house will become, or already is, a noted safe place for her and you will be increasing expected to deal with this. How is your son supposed to end this relationship? Call SS to ensure she has support but it is not appropriate or fair to your child to take on this role.
dollypops15 · 26/07/2020 14:08

Update. Thanks everyone for all your advice. I've spoken to her nan. She has left her home and is on route to collect her from mine around 7PM tonight. She is going to stay there for now until school starts in September. She is really upset about leaving but knows its the best thing to do. I've spoken to nan and she had backed up everything the girl has told me that this behaviour his been happening for at least 3 years. Poor child. Mum told nan a load of lies regarding police. However I was present for the police conversation and heard exactly what was said. Which I put the nan straight on. Resulting on her coming to take her xx

OP posts:
user1465335180 · 26/07/2020 14:41

Thank you @dollypops15 for helping this poor girl. It's a sad thing for her and your DS but hopefully she'll be safe with her DG.I'm usually very sympathetic to anyone in an abusive relationship but frankly her DM is no better than her awful SD.

dollypops15 · 26/07/2020 14:43

Oh I completely agree. She sits back allowing it to happen. No mum should allowed that x

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 26/07/2020 14:52

Thank god for you OP

Andi2020 · 27/07/2020 21:48

That's great hopefully you and the man can work something out that your ds could go visit her.

Andi2020 · 27/07/2020 21:49

Sorry man should read nan

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