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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

14yr daughter pregnant by 14yr boy

101 replies

Parie12 · 22/07/2020 22:43

Dd is pregnant by boy deals weed with some gang involvement. His mum is encouraging it in her house. She thinks she is above the law. I reported my dd missing her numerous times to police she is found in the home. Now she is pregnant her family feeding my daughter lies. I knew this was not a healthy relationship. What is a 3oyr woman doing with a 14yr now her son. Disgusting what is family is doing. Nothing I can do?

OP posts:

Report

Parie12 · 23/07/2020 00:13

@maryclare thank you! Really appreciate

OP posts:

Prettybluepigeons · 23/07/2020 00:24

Can you move away with her?
Different city?
Could she go and live with family in your home country?

I think I would be trying to get her as far away as possible but I know it's not easy

I would be strongly advising termination too.

Parie12 · 23/07/2020 00:29

Yes I am in process of moving but put on hold due to lockdown. I would move back home - best option however don't think I can get her on plane lol.

OP posts:

ColdCottage · 23/07/2020 00:32

As she is pregnant you can now report the boy for statutory rape. The police have to take this seriously.

www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/rape-and-sexual-offences-chapter-3-consent

StatisticalSense · 23/07/2020 00:39

The police aren't going to do anything about a 14 year old having sex with another 14 year old if they both consent. The girl in such a situation is just as much sexually assaulting the boy as the boy is the girl and it would be totally inappropriate to treat them differently.

crustycrab · 23/07/2020 00:46

@StatisticalSense that's just not true.

Ohfudgeit · 23/07/2020 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Parie12 · 23/07/2020 01:02

I strongly believe the boy was used as bait by mum for what ever reasons. Prior to finding out about the pregnancy I made several requests to her not to allow my daughter in the home. I was concerned she (30yr) was controlling my daughter perhaps for grooming her for what ever reasons. When I found out about the boy it was a complete shock. My daughter was just friends with this boy. Only became sexual when she started staying overnight in the home. They could be giving her weed to gain control over her. When she found out my daughter missed a period, she did pregnancy tests, took my daughter to her family, made all this plans before telling me.
I want to make complaint about mum as much as son. I wait till can discuss with ss.

OP posts:

Parie12 · 23/07/2020 01:04

Looked after? No exploiting her.

OP posts:

TooCloseToTheProject · 23/07/2020 01:05

Sounds like a very worrying situation OP especially if your DD is 'friends' with the 30 year old and there's potential drug dealing going on. It's disappointing that the police/SS have not taken you seriously especially given that your daughter may be being exploited and possibly drawn into criminality. I know that years ago the police could issue a warning to the adult which now seems to be called a Child Abduction Warning Notice. I'm not sure how it works now but it might be worth you asking them about this so that if your daughter is found there again there are consequences for the adult.

That said I think you need to tread carefully, you obviously want to and need to protect your daughter but if she's been lied to (and has bought the lies) and thinks this woman is a friend, you don't want her to see you as the enemy and keep running off.

Parie12 · 23/07/2020 01:26

@TooCloseToTheProject this was suggested few weeks ago (cawn) and I requested to proceed with the application, I felt that professionals did not take my concerns seriously or I did not make loud enough noises. I failed my dd badly. not going to blame anyone but in the future I would like to look into how my concerns were not taken seriously so that this does not happen to another child.

OP posts:

JackiesArmy · 23/07/2020 01:30

Are you absolutely sure the 14 year old is the father? Is there anyone else living in the house?

It sounds to me as though she has been groomed and there may be a lot more going on.

Changethatlockandkey · 23/07/2020 01:43

Why on earth is a 14 year old boy more culpable than the girl in this specific (apparently) consensual situation?

Googling, the CPS site suggests they are not treated differently baring aggravating factors.
www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/rape-and-sexual-offences-chapter-11-youths

‘It should be noted that where both parties to sexual activity are under 16, then they may both have committed a criminal offence. However, the overriding purpose of the legislation is to protect children and it was not Parliament's intention to punish children unnecessarily or for the criminal law to intervene where it was wholly inappropriate.’ Consensual sexual activity between, for example, a 14 or 15 year-old and a teenage partner would not normally require criminal proceedings in the absence of aggravating features. The relevant considerations include:

the respective ages of the parties;
the existence and nature of any relationship
their level of maturity;
whether any duty of care existed;
whether there was a serious element of exploitation.‘

I am sorry OP this is a very difficult situation for you.

lukasiak · 23/07/2020 01:57

[quote crustycrab]@StatisticalSense that's just not true. [/quote]
How so? Under both the legal and moral law, girls are not more precious than boys. If it's statutory rape for a 14 year old boy to have sex with a 14 year old girl, the opposite is also true. Which is why the police won't do jack shit.

flyingant · 23/07/2020 02:44

"What is a 30yr woman doing with a 14yr now her son. Disgusting"
It's probably not a good idea to call a woman disgusting for having been a teenage mum when your own daughter may about to be one.

Please get some professional support for you daughter and try to be supportive of her and calmly talk to her about the situation and her options.

Onceuponatimethen · 23/07/2020 07:04

Have you tried talking to ceops at the police? If you suspect grooming - if you report to them directly they are the specialists and may often be more effective than a local report

Onceuponatimethen · 23/07/2020 07:06

@flyingant I think that’s not what op meant. I think meant it’s disgusting what this 30 year old was doing with her 14 year old dd and now with her son. Op has explained English is not her first language

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 23/07/2020 07:29

Sounds like blatant grooming to me. (I work on a vulnerability team with police)
I would go to the police station and ask to speak to someone in Child Protection and safeguarding and calmly tell the exact story.

Sisterwives · 23/07/2020 07:32

He's 14, same age as her. You can report him to the Police but as long as the sex was consensual, they won't take any action.

Sisterwives · 23/07/2020 07:34

There is no such offence as statutory rape in the UK. It doesn't exist.

They've both committed an offence by having sex underage but if it was consensual, the Police won't take any action against either of them.

Parie12 · 23/07/2020 08:23

Once again thank you for your advise and comments.
My daughter did not come home last night. She wants to be with this boy. his mum is happy to have her in the home having sex. This is some ones daughter for goodness sake!!! Yes she is a disgusting, jobless weed smoker. She encouraged weed smoking in her home now my daughter is pregnant by her son. She knew my daughter was vulnerable. She ignored requests by ss and me not to have my daughter in the home. Now my daughter is pregnant she wants me to be ok with it? This was what I was trying to prevent- I knew once I met her my daughter would not be safe with her. I reported all this concerns to ss but they thought I was a mad woman and did not take me seriously, they treated me as if I was the problem. My daughters problems just go worse and worse.
Now she is pregnant the ceop might not believe it was exploitation. I will report any way. What happened to my daughter cannot be kept quiet and I have concerns this boy is going to get her in drug dealing.
May be there are too many children been failed by the system but I feel I have to report even if nothing is done about it.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 23/07/2020 08:37

Will your daughter engage with health professionals?

Parie12 · 23/07/2020 08:37

@disorganisedsecretsquirrel I will. I tried so much already due to privacy i am careful what to disclose here but I reported so much to professionals. I made mistakes as well- I was moaning alot but no official ccomplaints so I believe no one took my concerns seriously. I feel terrible, awful , how this can happen. Did not see it coming though the risky behaviour

OP posts:

Parie12 · 23/07/2020 08:42

@nicknacky we had professionals she did not engage well. I believe all but one shared my concerns. The rest probably thought I was just moaning

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Sisterwives · 23/07/2020 08:45

CEOP deal with online child abuse. Unless there's something you've missed out, they have no role here.

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