Dd14 and lockdown eating. Don’t know how to handle it.

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Before lockdown Dd was a 10. She’s 5ft 11.

She has eaten non stop during lockdown. We do t have crap in the house. So she will eat toast, with say peanut butter. If we remove the that, she’ll use jam, or honey or whatever.

Or she’ll eat big bowls of cereal. She’s now a size 14, and they are getting tight.

We make her do exercise every day, but she’s always hungry. She had a huge appetite as a baby and young child, but we could kind of keep on top of it then.

But now we can’t. I don’t know how to talk to her about it. I’ve had lots of health body and food conversations, and it makes no difference. She just glares or scowls.

Do l just tell her she’s too heavy and needs to act on it? How do you do this delicately if at all without setting up life long food issues?

I’m slimmer than her.

What l meant to say was, it’s not really about what she eats, it’s the amount.

We have to keep SOME food in the house. So if we got rid of say peanut butter, she will just find something else

How old is she? If she's an adult, leave her be.

She’s just 14.

You should check out Rebelfit's posts on Facebook. He has posted some very interesting ones about teenage girls and the damage trying to interfere with their weight and diet can do.

In a nutshell, leave her alone or you are setting her up for a lifetime of disordered eating and body image.

If you leave her alone there is a chance she will eventually be able to self-regulate and the weight will come off.

I would be somewhat gently direct with her. Tell her that her habits are not healthy. come with solutions. Could you sit down once a week and plan meals? Track what she (and you) have been eating? Talk about why she's eating like this, even if its because she's bored. I think its important to get on top of it.

jesus. i'm young myself, only 2 years older than your dd. my parents never did this but if they did it would have exacerbated any body image issues i had. do not remove the food from her fgs! she's 14! she's growing! she needs the calories and i bet she will shoot up height wise soon. it doesn't matter if you're slimmer than her, and do not tell her this. you sound very judgemental

She’s had her growth spurt, she’s 5ft 11. And when she grew, she sort of became much slimmer. I do t think she will be having another growth spurt.

I haven’t said anything to her, but if she keeps this up, I’m not sure where it will end. She must be borderline obese now. Yet in March she was just tall and thin

5"11 and size 14 is not borderline obese ffs. You're projecting your own issues onto her. (The "I'm slimmer than her" comment is such, such a weird thing to say about your own daughter.)
Also... People don't stop growing at age 14. Surely you know this. She is growing and needs more calories.

Maybe l am projecting, l don’t know😥this is why I’m asking for help. A lot of the new stuff l’ve had to buy, some of it is a 16. And a L t shirt isn’t really big enough anymore. Her dance group stopped when Covid started.

I think you're right to be concerned about significant weight gain, but yes you do need to tread very carefully.
Does she engage in the discussions about health and activity at all? Or simply not say anything?
Are there wider concerns she may have, like anxiety about returning to school or something? That's a LOT of weight gain for just being bored...

I’m not competing with her saying I’m slimmer. I only have me as a yardstick for the family. No way would l ever do that.

She won’t engage in any discussions. Just walks away, not that I’ve had many.

I would estimate that she has maybe put on about 1 1/2 stone.

I just want to help her. The bigger you become the harder it is to lose it. I’m concerned she will get to a size where she feels too overwhelmed to do anything about it

The way you write suggests a value judgement - "too heavy", "I'm slimmer", "tall and thin". These are all statements (typically) women make regarding appearance and whether someone is conventionally attractive.

It is ok to be concerned about health, but that's not how you're coming across.

Is it possible that she’s pregnant?

I think when things go "back to normal" some weight will automatically drop off (school routines, dance classes etc) until then, all you can do is fill the house with healthy foods, and support her if she asks for it

I would have thought size 14 about right for 5ft 11?

Possibly they are judgement issues. I don’t know. I was a slightly bigger than average teen, and it made me very unhappy. But l was a consistent size, l didn’t put it on,

By the time l was 19 I’d lost it all.

But I’m not trying to be judgemental at all. I’m just worroed

I love her more than my life, she is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful, but l fear for the pressure to be perfect from social media when she’s older

She’s definitely not pregnant. She’s still at the finding boys annoying stage.

Start cooking with her.
Use it as a learning experience.
Discuss portion sizes, what is healthy for a child, a growing teen, an adult. You might be surprised at how much food a growing teen needs.
Talk about energy requirements and how much fuel different types of foods produce., how long they take to be expended.
It will give her life skills, time with her parents one on one and may get you out of cooking a night or two a week, if she enjoys cooking..

Exercise is a good way of counteracting it. Can you do some together? If you run then take her, or start the couch25k program together. Angle it that YOU are worried about your fitness through lockdown and it'd be nice to have her support and do something together.
Don't mention food. There is nothing more likely to get her eating even more than a parent inadvertently making her feel guilty and bad about herself.

How about the pressure from her mother to be a certain something size etc

Take a step back our young people are living through a pandemic they have lost rites of passage, friends, support and expectations it's thrown them an almighty curve ball and they have underdeveloped brains and hormones to boot.

Give the kid a break instead of projecting your teenage body issues onto your beautiful daughter who it's coming across as you loved more when she fitted your ideal.

You may have to come to terms with her adult body being tall, fit and healthy. I wonder how tall you are in comparison ?

Come alongside her lay your judgements down and meet her where she's at deal with supporting her emotionally and then let the weight take care of itself.

Just leave her alone OP. I very much doubt that someone who is 5'11" and a size 14 is obese. If anything, she has probably been underweight and is now getting to where she should be.

The more you make an issue out of it, the more you are setting her up with problems for life. If you have been purposely giving her smaller portions etc (I'm reading this from keeping an eye on her intake when she was little and making her exercise every day) then she will instinctively eat more to make up for it when given through opportunity.

Just have healthy food in the house and let her eat it. If she's eating a lot of bread and cereal, maybe buy in some more filling foods for breakfast. A cooked breakfast would probably fill her up more for less calories than all that bread and cereal. At this age, she is also capable of getting unhealthy foods herself anyway, so being too restrictive at home won't necessarily work.

I don't think you sound judgmental, just concerned. I would be too, because it sounds a lot to gain in a short period of time for anyone. Also unlikely that she will grow much taller than 5 11. Is it boredom? That's the most likely. Other people to see and things to do now that it's possible? Failing that, of course she must eat but the two items you mention are both easy to eat huge amounts of and not be full - cereal and toast. I boil 16 eggs every Sunday for DD and me to snack on during the week (convenience not weight loss), have a big fruit bowl, have loads of carrots and cucumber chopped in the fridge, oat biscuits, cheese, ice lollies, stuff like that. Get her to meal plan with you.

My mother was terribly critical if I gained a few pounds - and still comments now and I'm 50 - and it's had a lasting effect, so it's lovely that you want to be sensitive.

I think you’re right to be concerned too. It is a significant amount of weight (if she has gone up by 2/3 dress sizes) to put on in a short amount of time. She doesn’t ‘need’ the calories if she’s not burning them off, which she obviously isn’t.

She sounds a bit like me to be honest. I have quite a big appetite too (sounds much nicer than greedy!) and I was a normal weight until I got to about 9 or 10. But then I had a bit more control over what I was eating and I was overweight (bordering on obese) until my second year of university and got fed up of being overweight. We didn’t eat especially unhealthily, but my portions were far too big. My parents didn’t do anything about it, but if I’m honest I wish they had done. Over eating (especially through boredom) is a very easy trap to fall in to.

I do agree that speaking to her about it needs to be done very delicately though. If she’s scowling when you mention it then I’m assuming that she is already embarrassed about the weight that she’s put on. Do you all eat the same evening meal?