Dd14 and lockdown eating. Don’t know how to handle it.

[TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince]

Before lockdown Dd was a 10. She’s 5ft 11.

She has eaten non stop during lockdown. We do t have crap in the house. So she will eat toast, with say peanut butter. If we remove the that, she’ll use jam, or honey or whatever.

Or she’ll eat big bowls of cereal. She’s now a size 14, and they are getting tight.

We make her do exercise every day, but she’s always hungry. She had a huge appetite as a baby and young child, but we could kind of keep on top of it then.

But now we can’t. I don’t know how to talk to her about it. I’ve had lots of health body and food conversations, and it makes no difference. She just glares or scowls.

Do l just tell her she’s too heavy and needs to act on it? How do you do this delicately if at all without setting up life long food issues?

I’m slimmer than her.

She’s just refused point blank to do couch to 5k😥

If she doesn't want to do anything about it, there's o way you can force her.
If she's interested in cooking, and eats healthy foods, that's a good thing.
Just keep buying healthy ingredients, support her interest in cooking, have lovely meals together and try not to worry.
Don't stigmatise food and eating, it is an enjoyable thing to do! It's not like she's eating junk.
Once she's back at school and life has settled into a more normal rhythm, maybe try again.
Don't push it too far, she will be fine.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3971746-Greedy-teenager?msgid=98471822#98471822

Another thread running about the same topic.

Apparently teens do eat a lot

I was fat when I was a teen, I wish someone would have intervened with me to be honest, it would have saved trying to lose it when older which is harder, and also years of bullying. Although ultimately it was me eating, I didn't see it as an issue at the time, but it absolutely was. Not sure of how to be tactful though, because it is a delicate balance, but she could do with some support. Size 14 is a big size for a teen, I am a similar height and was in the same size at her age, size 22 by the time I left college. Now a size 12 and wished I'd done it sooner.

I don’t think that at 5ft 11 and size 14 that she would be borderline obese. A size 10 at 5 foot 11 is really very slim.

5 11 is a big frame and a size 14 on someone that tall is very different to a size 14 on someone who’s 5 foot 1.

I would also think that being veggie is perhaps difficult with a massive appetite. My 14yo is fuller with meat.

Sometimes choosing when to bring things up makes a difference. Sat side by side not face to face like in the car.

And I mean this kindly- are you listening to her? How do you open the conversation? It’s worth asking a question and then just shutting up and listening.

How much does she weigh?

I am tall (6ft) and was an extremely hungry teen, being bored and lonely made me focus on food as a distraction. But mainly, I was just so hungry all the time

I weighed 11 stone, to many people that sounds heavy, but was a good weight for my height, actually.

The best thing is getting active, lead by example, maybe do a c5k challenge, or train for a charity run

That crazy hunger at that age is normal for teens that height, and size 14/L is not huge as such (for a 6ft woman), but a focus on fitness, cardio, stamina is a great thing. Also, exercise regulates appetite. Weirdly, you often eat less after a work out.

Get active, I say, get her active (running, tennis, rowing, surfing, anything)

Totally agree with theSunIsStillShining this is something that you need to control if you can.

It does sound like a significant amount of weight to gain. (Size 14 in comfy clothes like t-shirts is pretty big and it's quite a leap to go from 10 to 14 in such a short time)

You have been honest about your concerns but she doesn't sound ready to hear it yet. She doesn't sound receptive to exercise either which is s shame. I think you should gently keep trying with all of it though because it's important. She has got into a bad habit and it's still your role to try to help her get out of it.

Can you cut down the amount of bread and cereal in the house? The lack of availability might cut down the snacking.

Also keep her busy as far as you are able. Exercise is great but if she's not going to do it, try anything else you can possibly make time for. Card games, decorate a room, do the garden, make videos.

Is there any dance happening on Zoom or similar? She might benefit from reconnecting with some friends and former activities if possible

I wondered about pregnancy too. Don't completely shut the door on that idea, even if very very unlikely

She’s only just 14. She is definitely not pregnant!

The weight has gone on all over.

I tried to speak to her yesterday about it casually. I was told ‘I so hate this house’

Are you just going to drop it then OP?
You know your daughter, we don't. Is this attitude normal? Is she struggling? Does she hate the house because she has been stuck in it for months and is comfort eating?
You DO have to take some responsibility. You are still the parent. You can't give up just because a teenager gets a bit surly and difficult.

I think you can work with that. Say you’ve been thinking about what she said about ‘hating this house’ and what that might mean. Try and take your feelings out of it, just listen to what she says. I wonder if she’s feeling managed, as if she’s a problem that needs to be solved.

I’m sure you do chat to her but maybe she needs a bit more of it at the moment. Up the hugs and cuddles too if you can.

@TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince She’s only just 14. She is definitely not pregnant!

My next door neighbour said that about her kid too. Guess who was a granny at 33?!

I haven’t given up, but l need to pick my time,

She is absolutely NOT pregnant. She never goes anywhere. She’s a home bird

Maybe the over-eating is a symptom of wider issues then, which may be the place to start - confidence and happiness etc.
Sort them out and the over-eating may resolve itself.

My dsis is very tall (just shy of 6ft), normal BMI and a size 16.

You can’t be sure she’s too heavy unless you’ve got her weight. And of course you can’t really pressure her to get on the scales

I would think laterally - dog walking? Uk staycation at a remote cottage walking distance from the beach

Dance game on wii or whatever?

She may get into the exercise habit once you start

That is a lot of weight gain in a short time and she won’t be alone in this covid time. So many of us have been comfort eating. Personally I think you are right to be concerned but I don’t have any easy answers. More protein and veg packed meals so she’s less need to eat toast might help. Eggs, tuna etc. Being active every day. But hopefully when life returns to normal in sept for her she will feel the need to comfort eat less.

My dd put on weight at 14. It worried me immensely and I tried to stay calm. I NEVER mentioned the weight gain and just kept offering the healthy food. I did keep treats in the house but started to ration them and told her it was to make sure it was fair on her sister. I know so many women who have weight/body issues due to things said to them in their teens, including a morbidly obsess cousin in her early 50s who is not likely to see 60. My point is she has to decide what she puts in to her mouth, not you. Trust her. My dd is now in her twenties and slim. She is also proud of her body and seems to have few hang-ups. My youngest has put on some weight over lockdown too. She raised it with me and we talked about it. She'll be fine.

Oh and if you ban treats in the house she'll just buy them when out. In huge amounts. Seen friends do it. Can't have biscuits at home? I will buy and eat an entire packet then.