Dd14 and lockdown eating. Don’t know how to handle it.

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Before lockdown Dd was a 10. She’s 5ft 11.

She has eaten non stop during lockdown. We do t have crap in the house. So she will eat toast, with say peanut butter. If we remove the that, she’ll use jam, or honey or whatever.

Or she’ll eat big bowls of cereal. She’s now a size 14, and they are getting tight.

We make her do exercise every day, but she’s always hungry. She had a huge appetite as a baby and young child, but we could kind of keep on top of it then.

But now we can’t. I don’t know how to talk to her about it. I’ve had lots of health body and food conversations, and it makes no difference. She just glares or scowls.

Do l just tell her she’s too heavy and needs to act on it? How do you do this delicately if at all without setting up life long food issues?

I’m slimmer than her.

I was an overweight teen. I turned in to a very overweight adult. Pretending it's not happening won't help. We mustn't be so afraid of offence that we let physical harm happen. It's no good saying "oh, she's not that big". She's not that big yet. She may never become obese but she needs to know it's a risk. We can't be scared of having these conversations. I'm in my 30s and slim(mer) now, but my body is done for. I'll never have a slim, toned body. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled with it and how much healthier I am, but I went past the point of "snapping back" and my body will always reflect that. In weight loss circles we say "it didn't go on overnight and it won't come off overnight either" and she needs to be aware of that too. If she keeps up the trajectory she's on, she may well wake up one morning and realise the situation she's in.

My mum did try to help me as a teenager but it did feel like a value judgement and i pushed back. It worked best when it was something we did as a family, rather than singling me out as the fat one. However, it was almost too late as I was already hugely unfit compared to the rest of them which just made me self conscious.

I think what I'm trying to say is you need to anticipate the problem (as you have) rather than wait until it actually is a problem.

Do you have time to do something with her? Maybe a new hobby so you're both bad at it at first? DH has taken up rollerblading for example. He looked like Bambi at first but now comes home dripping in sweat.

Yep it’s definitely boredom.

She cooks a lot already, she’s interested in food. And she eats really well too. She had porridge yesterday for breakfast. Then a bagel with avacado and poached egg for lunch.

I think l might look at the 25k thing

I think over a stone weight gain is a lot in a short time and I would be worried if it was my dd, I have a 13 and 15 dd.

Can you get her interested in cooking meals using lots of veg, plenty of ideas on bbc good food. I’d go with ‘eating healthily is important’ rather than you need to lose weight. Cutting back on the toast and cereal a bit.

She’s already interested in cooking, and eats well really. She often cooks.

25k sounds like a good idea.

She’s vegetarian. She only eats toast as snacks. Not as a main meal

Family exercise is a great idea.

It’s the parent ending it’s not happening thing which is my worry. I don’t think it will ‘fall’ off. She’s had her major growth spurt. I’m concerned about what it can turn into. And how to mitigate that issue.

Pretending ...

If she is 5 ft 11 ins and a size fourteen, she's nowhere near 'borderline obese', are you serious? I expect this overeating is her pushing back against the Body Police with whom she lives . . .

I don’t think there is a good answer here. She’s looking for stimulation and finding it in food, eating her feelings.

I wish I knew the answer, but I know you commenting and bringing up concerns is problematic, you’re own experience at her age is loud and clear in your head.

I’m in the same boat, except with older DD, have had wide-ranging discussions on health and wellbeing, yet she’s spent lockdown baking and eating. Now doing tons more exercise though, we’re challenging each other on strava.

It's probably just lock down weight gain.
A bit of boredom eating. I think a lot of us have gained a bit of weight recently.

When she's back at school and her dance class and with her friends regularly, she'll probably go back to eating less and the weight will come off naturally.

I wouldn't worry too much.

If she is 5 ft 11 ins and a size fourteen, she's nowhere near 'borderline obese', are you serious? I expect this overeating is her pushing back against the Body Police with whom she lives . . .

She’s bordering on a size 16. Obviously someone who is a size 14/16 at 5ft11 is going to have a much lower BMI than someone who is a size 14/16 at 5ft3, but that doesn’t mean that it’s healthy to go from a size 10 to a size 16 in 4 months. A good friend of mine is around 6ft tall, when she was a size 14(ish) she still had had an ‘overweight’ BMI.

As a parent we are responsible for our kid's health. My parents didn't do anything about my weight to help when i was a teen (ended up 80kg/150 cm - ugly fat). My dad made comments non-stop, but that was it. Now that there... had a lasting negative effect. My mum saying all the time to eat salads, but still buying tons of coke also had a negative effect.
So yes, I think you should exercise control for the sake or your daughter. Control and judgement are not the same. She is objectively fat. That's not judgement, that's a fact. It's also a fact that she needs to lose weight for health reasons. Not to be a skinny model, but to be able to grow up healthy.

I speak from experience. DS (14) has a bad posture to the point that his chest is caving inwards and he can't properly pull his shoulders back. It doesn't show that much, just the usual teenager slump, but if not "treated" (because of genetics and doc verified other reasons) he could have serious ill effects. It is a struggle every single day to get him to do 3*3 mins of specific exercise. And it has been a real struggle to get him to use a device for 3 hours on his chest daily. But as a parent I have to be "mean". It took almost half a year to get him to use it without a word. And it will take me many months to get him to do the exercises on his own. But i have to. And I think you have to be vigilant (i hate that word now) and just be in the kitchen every time she goes out and check portions and what she eats. No sneaking around. It will be a lot of work and lot of frustration on both parts. But shying away from parenting doesn't help them in the long run.

Together is a great idea, just beware: I ended up having to learn the katana with my son in the past few months (helps posture, builds muscles and sort-of fun :))

Another thought- where is she carrying her weight? My friend who is supermodel skinny (as in, I've been there when strangers have told her to eat a burger, told her she has an eating disorder etc) is 6ft, and wears a size 12/14 in many things, simply due to the broadness of her shoulders and length of her torso, which are proportionate to her height.

Does she look 'big' or are you picking up on the numbers, and inferring she's gained more we9ght than she has?

I wondered about taking her to the do tor

More protein may help her feel 'fuller'. What vegetarian protein rich foods does she eat?

Lots of processed carbohydrates (white bread/toast) are not necessary if she is inactive due to lockdown.

She likes eggs, some cheese, nuts and chickpeas

I wish my mum had said something to me when I started getting overweight as a teen. Not talking to me about it allowed me to ignore it and keep putting weight on. That has set me up for a lifetime of disordered eating, constantly dieting and giving up then starting again. As you say op, the more she puts on the more she has to lose and the harder it is.

I don't have a solution for you, I just don't agree with all the posters saying leave her alone and she's probably just a normal weight now. I think our idea of what "normal" weight is is wrong because so many people (myself included) are overweight that that seems normal.

But it's as least as unhelpful to class someone as 'borderline obese' when they're not. I'm somewhere between 5 ft 9 and 5 ft 10. When I was a size 14, I was roughly 11 and a half stone. That wasn't even overweight, let alone borderline obese.

Size 14 is overweight. Also, with vanity sizing she is more like a 16. You are right to be concerned.

It is clearly boredom eating if this has happened in lockdown, can you remove the bread and make a 'snack shelf' in the fridge that just contains fruit, veg, hummus etc?

She’s very tall so the weight isn’t as bad as you think. She’s just trying to cope. When this is over and she can go back to dance etc it will come off again. Don’t be so sure that she won’t get taller ! Constantly talking and referring to her weight and or eating habits will perhaps form some sort of complex about food etc and may do more harm than good. Tread carefully. My kids have are and slept CONSTANTLY throughout lockdown. I can’t keep enough food in the house right now.

I'm not saying, btw, that OP shouldn't be concerned. I've gone up and down all my life, but, I dunno - I'm not sure a stone or so in four months during teenage years is that bad. But, for heaven's sake: 'she used to be tall and slim' - well, she's still tall isn't she? She's doesn't suddenly look like one of Les Dawson's Roly-Poly dance troupes?

We have no idea what this child weighs, so we can't say possibly she is 'objectively fat' and that it's a fact. We can't even tell if she's overweight. I'm wondering if there are some Americans on here? Because a size 14 is 18 in US sizing?

I think you’re right to be concerned Op. It’s not about whether being a size 14 is large at 5’10, it’s the amount of weight gain in a short space of time. It bespeaks emotional issues.
I still wouldn’t say anything specifically about her weight gain though, I would just buy less food.

It’s a tricky situation, I understand why you want to address it and why you are nervous to.

1.5 stone weight gain since lockdown is a fair amount and my worry would be if she continues as she is this will lead to even more weight gain. I wouldn’t rely on PE at school either as can imagine in some places this will be less a week to catch up on missed English and math lessons.

Could you suggest doing couch-5k with her, but sell it as you want to get more fit yourself and she would be doing you a favour to be your training buddy?