Teenager copying boyfriend to worrying extent

[woolytang]

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with their teen emulating someone else, not just clothes and appearance. My DS is just 18 and has been involved with a trans boy for almost a year. Prior to this relationship he was in college, working part time and training for kick boxing competitions. He's dropped everything and does nothing now except complain he can't sleep, can't touch certain materials, has anxiety. These are a few of the many problems that his partner experiences. It even goes as far as wanting to be sectioned (like his partner), to small things like wanting me to buy him a vape so he can quit smoking (verbatim what his partner told me!). There are so many examples, but it feels cruel to point it out to him. I'm really concerned, his partner is very troubled but my DS didn't used to be. I'm really not sure what do, if anything. It feels like a car crash waiting to happen

Have you told him your concerns ?

It sounds like either he has ‘learnt’ his anxiety from this person, or maybe the person is controlling him to give up his sports etc. Or he is hero worshipping this person.

Is he in isolation with you? Will a natural break help?

Hello, yes he does know our concerns but can't see it from our perspective. Things came to a horrible head before Christmas and he ran off and lived in a hostel for 5 months. During this time he deteriorated even further, lost weight, didn't leave his room. He's home now and the break was useful, me and DH are keen to do things differently with him but it's so hard to take him seriously when it looks like he is mirroring his boyfriend. I guess he might need professional help but I don't know what kind and the way things are right now the poor old NHS is just not an option.

Would he listen to his kick boxing tutor ? Or would it help to download info from the internet about controlling behaviour ?