Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD driving with no licence / insurance!!

74 replies

Sparkly212 · 14/02/2020 09:41

Hi,

My DD is 17 and has a provisional licence and has been taking professional lessons with an approved instructor for a few months now.

Last night, she was out with a few friends, one of whom has a full licence and her own car.

DD came home last night and the girls car pulled up in the drive and I happened to be looking out the window as this happened. DD got out of the drivers door and I could clearly see her sitting in the drivers seat as the car pulled in.

I questioned her about this and she admitted that she drove the car home from her friends house which is about 3 miles away.

I asked her did she not realise that it’s illegal as she doesn’t have a full licence, her “supervisor” doesn’t meet the legal criteria to supervise a learner and she has no insurance in place to drive that car, nor did she have L plates displayed.

It turned into an argument, with her shouting, screaming and slamming doors.

I feel like reporting her to the police - this is illegal and I know how I feel about illegal drivers - especially when they cause a crash and it’s the innocent people that suffer.

But on the other hand, if I did report her, she will lose her licence and her insurance premiums in the near future will be sky high, which I will have to foot the costs for so it’ll back fire on me and DH.

I have just thought about cancelling her professional lessons for a while until she realises that driving illegally is unacceptable.

What should I do??

OP posts:
Lifeaback · 14/02/2020 09:52

That’s a really tough one OP. I think cancelling lessons is a suitable punishment- I’m sure if lots of her friends are driving she’s in a rush to pass so will feel the consequences pretty hard, without it massively impacting her future as a driver/you and your husbands finances.

There are some quite harrowing drink driving awareness videos on YouTube- maybe get her to watch some of those. I know she wasn’t drink driving, but they have the same message of ‘you never think it’ll happen to you until it does’- something that can be quite hard to get through to teenagers as they often think they’re completely invincible.

Whynosnowyet · 14/02/2020 09:54

I would let the car owners dps know. Presumably they pay for the insurance...

BlankTimes · 14/02/2020 10:18

How old is the friend who let her drive?
S/he also needs a really good talking-to about responsibility.
Second Whynosnowyet Let her parents know.

It turned into an argument, with her shouting, screaming and slamming doors
She's demonstrating she's not mature enough to face up to the consequences of her actions.

Definitely cancel lessons for now until she can prove she's responsible enough to get behind the wheel safely.

Original poster
Sparkly212 · 14/02/2020 10:29

@Whynosnowyet @Lifeaback @BlankTimes the girl that has the car just turned 18 about a week ago and she has been driving for a year nearly.

Yeah DH and I are definitely cancelling her lessons - we are thinking of cancelling them for 2 months and then come 2 months time if she has redeemed herself - we will allow her to resume lessons again.

I am going to call the other girls parents later on today to inform her about this - as much as DD is at fault, the other girl had a responsibility to not allow an unlicensed driver to drive her car. There were 2 other girls in the car, I can only imagine they all drove the car at some stage - only the owner of the car has a licence.

DD also has her theory test coming up soon-not sure if DH and I should cancel this too? As obviously she can’t sit her practical test without passing the theory

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 14/02/2020 16:38

I wouldn’t report her, but def cancel the lessons for a bit. And she has two years to pass practical after theory (I think!) so there’s plenty of time. You don’t want to lose out financially.

lljkk · 15/02/2020 07:36

How close is she to being able to pass and could she pass soon -- who was going to pay for the insurance after she passed?

LoudBatPerson · 15/02/2020 07:45

I would cancel the lessons for a while. Driving is a major responsibility and what she did coupled with her to response to being confronted with it don't show a young person who is really ready for it.

She could go ahead and do the theory.

If she wants the lessons badly enough she could get a job and pay for them herself.

heyday · 15/02/2020 08:01

Try sitting down with her and speak to her in a calm way about why her actions were so dangerous and explain that if stopped by the police both herself and the car owner could have lost their licences/faced hefty fines etc. If it's done calmly hopefully she will listen and fully understand the seriousness of this issue. They're young and behaved very irresponsibly but hopefully she has learnt from this mistake.

fuzzymoon · 15/02/2020 08:23

I would cancel her theory test too. A serious consequence for a serious action.

Very good idea on your part to tell the girls parents and cancel lessons.

You won't know if this is the first time they've done this. Doubt it.

You must be going out of your mind with what ifs etc.

Mumdiva99 · 15/02/2020 08:30

I would cancel the driving lessons, but not the theory test. I would also call the other girls parents. And show your daughter the penalty for driving without insurance. Then show her the penalty some people received after having crashes and driving without insurance.

caulkheaded · 15/02/2020 08:32

I wouldn’t cancel them, as waiting longer to pass her test may encourage her to do it again.

I’d look at some other consequence and a long conversation about responsibilities and trust.

wizzywig · 15/02/2020 08:32

You could spend a day in magistrate crt with her so she can see what happens to those caught without a licence and insurance?

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 15/02/2020 08:34

Don’t cancel the theory test, but hold the lessons until she’s really got the seriousness of this. I’d also tell the other girls parents as they’ll surely go bananas. I certainly would not tell the police! That’s causing a world of trouble when she’ll learn the same lesson from your sanctions.

Topseyt · 15/02/2020 08:35

I think you are doing all of the right things. I would have been furious too.

Tell her driving instructor too precisely why you are suspending lessons for now. Then, when she does start having lessons again there will be someone else to back up and reinforce what you are saying.

Good idea too telling the parents of the other girl. They might be the registered keepers of her car, and are very possibly also involved in the insurance of it for her. They need to know that she was allowing uninsured and not fully licenced drivers to drive it.

trianglular · 15/02/2020 08:35

I don't know that I would cancel the lessons, it would depend. What happens after she passes? Is she getting a car? Insured on the family car? I think I would continue with lessons because a 2 month break isn't productive for her learning and will ultimately cost you more in the long run. However I would punish her seriously by either not getting her the car or not injuring her to drove yours, whichever it was to be.

Abibranning · 15/02/2020 08:37

There’s a show that was on bbc3 called the Crash, it’s really well written and imho I think everyone should watch it. It shows the impact of an accident on a group of teenagers and their families.

Still available online for anyone interested

jasjas1973 · 15/02/2020 08:45

If your not prepared to report her yourself, then i wouldn't tell the other girls parents, you don't know what they'll do, they might dobb in the pair of them.
I would tell her driving instructor (your DD may take more notice of him or her) and continue the lessons, also make taking the Pass Plus test a prerequisite of getting a car.

I would also sit down with her and explain the legal consequences of what she did, she would get a ban/fine/points on licence (when or if she ever gets one) insurance would either be unobtainable or super expensive.

She isn't miraculously going to become a responsible citizen by cancelling her lessons, may well just decide to get her friend to let her drive her car instead!

wapbapboo · 15/02/2020 08:49

I am much more inclined to say she HAS to do the theory before having any more lessons. The theory is where you learn more about spotting risk etc.

I agree about suspending lessons and you need to tell her clearly what your expectations are i.e. being able to explain what was wrong.

I agree about never insuring her on your car.

JKScot4 · 15/02/2020 08:49

I wouldn’t cancel the lessons, better to get her through her tests and be a legal driver, the longer it’s delayed the more likely she’ll do it again.
I’d warn her if she does it again you will report her.

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/02/2020 08:52

I don’t think I would be as angry as you as she does have a provisional license. I think I would be more upset the 18yr old that had her drive was not fit to drive. If it’s choice between driving 3 miles with a drunk 18yr old or a sober 17yr old that is nearly ready for a full license, I know what I would choose as the responsible thing.

I would not cancel her lessons. I’d expedite them and get her legal as soon as possible.

I would explore why they had her drive the car. She may not want to admit her friends having been drinking. Teens seem to think that they can’t snitch on their friends. Is she normally a responsible teen?

Depending on the real story, I’d look at different consequences such as no more night time parties with those friends.

wapbapboo · 15/02/2020 08:53

Oh I didn't know anyone could do the safer driver test. That is a good idea although if she buys her own you cannot enforce it.

PerkyPomPoms · 15/02/2020 08:54

How did the chat with the parents go?

FAQs · 15/02/2020 08:55

Another here who wouldn’t cancel the lessons, talk when she has calmed down about the dangers and legal consequences, is she usually trustworthy?

rainbowcase · 15/02/2020 08:55

If it’s choice between driving 3 miles with a drunk 18yr old or a sober 17yr old that is nearly ready for a full license, I know what I would choose as the responsible thing

NEITHER of those are a responsible choice Hmm

I mean seriously. It's not pick one illegal activity against the other here. We don't grade them. The are BOTH fucking wrong.

Topseyt · 15/02/2020 08:56

If the other girl's parents decided to report the pair of them to the police then I would have no objection to that and would support them in it.