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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD driving with no licence / insurance!!

74 replies

Sparkly212 · 14/02/2020 09:41

Hi,

My DD is 17 and has a provisional licence and has been taking professional lessons with an approved instructor for a few months now.

Last night, she was out with a few friends, one of whom has a full licence and her own car.

DD came home last night and the girls car pulled up in the drive and I happened to be looking out the window as this happened. DD got out of the drivers door and I could clearly see her sitting in the drivers seat as the car pulled in.

I questioned her about this and she admitted that she drove the car home from her friends house which is about 3 miles away.

I asked her did she not realise that it’s illegal as she doesn’t have a full licence, her “supervisor” doesn’t meet the legal criteria to supervise a learner and she has no insurance in place to drive that car, nor did she have L plates displayed.

It turned into an argument, with her shouting, screaming and slamming doors.

I feel like reporting her to the police - this is illegal and I know how I feel about illegal drivers - especially when they cause a crash and it’s the innocent people that suffer.

But on the other hand, if I did report her, she will lose her licence and her insurance premiums in the near future will be sky high, which I will have to foot the costs for so it’ll back fire on me and DH.

I have just thought about cancelling her professional lessons for a while until she realises that driving illegally is unacceptable.

What should I do??

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 15/02/2020 08:58

But one is worse than the other. You are not seriously saying a drunk 18yr old is as good a driver as a sober 17yr old?

rainbowcase · 15/02/2020 09:01

But one is worse than the other. You are not seriously saying a drunk 18yr old is as good a driver as a sober 17yr old?

Perhaps read my post again. I didn't say that no.

But you are suggesting there is a situation where teenagers choose which illegal activity is the 'better' one to commit.

Get a grip.

You don't drive drunk. You ALSO don't drive without a license or insurance.

BikeRunSki · 15/02/2020 09:04

How will you measure if she has redeemed herself?

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 15/02/2020 09:12

Does she realise why it's so bad?Is she feeling defensive because she didn't realise it was wrong?

I'm just wondering whether she's a bit naive. Obviously she should have known about the L plates, but insurance isn't that tangible if you're not sorting it yourself, and she was being supervised by a driver who'd passed (even though you and I know she didn't meet the criteria, your DD might not).

I think I'd probably cancel her lessons until she's really well-versed in the Highway Code and has passed her theory test.

CrotchetyQuaver · 15/02/2020 09:15

I'd stop the lot TBH. I'd explain why to the instructor as well.definitely tell the other girls parents. How long you stop her lessons for us up to you.

Then I'd withdraw funding for more lessons when this course has finished and definitely not pay her insurance for her once she eventually passes her test. This could have been horrific, the silly girl 😱

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 15/02/2020 09:15

I'm not defending her, she should have known it was wrong, but I'm wondering whether it was a bit of "teenager not really thinking".

So having to know the Highway Code back-to-front seems appropriate — she has to understand the rules properly before she can be trusted again.

Figgygal · 15/02/2020 09:16

I’d be stopping lessons and telling the other girls parents
I’d be so furious with her too op

BeetrootBasil · 15/02/2020 09:19

I'd certainly be cross. I am assuming she tried to make excuses and got angry as she knew she was wrong. She was either pressured by her friend, or her friend allowed her for practise.

I'd definitely cancel the next couple of lessons and tell her she needs to take this as a valuable lesson.

Explain exactly what the legal consequences would be. Reinforce why its her responsibility.

Under no circumstances does it happen again or all lessons will be revoked. I would also ban them from going out for a month.

If she wants more practise as she nears the test take her out. When the time comes she has to buy her own car or contribute if you were planning to buy one.

iklboo · 15/02/2020 09:23

Where does OP say the 18 year old was drunk / not fit to drive?

JulesM73 · 15/02/2020 09:25

I wouldn’t stop the lessons, if she is able to drive then she is likely to do it again even though she knows it is illegal. This increases the chances of her getting caught. Depends how tough you want to be?

Is there something else you can do as a punishment?

rainbowcase · 15/02/2020 09:26

Where does OP say the 18 year old was drunk / not fit to drive?

It doesn't. A PO made up that scenario to try and justify the illegal driving using the 'but this is worse my method.

iklboo · 15/02/2020 09:27

That's what I thought. Nothing to do with the OP's scenario at all.

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/02/2020 10:03

Friday night party the start of half term with 18yr olds.

Just saying anyone who thinks there was no drinking of any alcohol is pretty naive. 🍷🍷🍷

OP needs to winkle out of her DD why she was driving. I am willing to bet €100 it is because her friends were drinking and she had not.

OP doesn’t sound like the kind of parent who would react well to her DD calling her and asking to be picked up because there’s been drinking at the party either.

Runnerduck34 · 15/02/2020 10:11

Definitely wouldn't report to police. Would talk to other girls parents as if the worst had happened there would have been serious repressions for her too.
I think they are both stupid young and naive , probably didn't think it through at all.
Have a calmer conversation with her today . Perhaps show her news reports etc.
I would stop driving lessons and any allowance/ pocket money for one month as a consequence and to show how serious this is.
But I would then continue lessons and let her take her theory test, she needs to learn to drive and learn the risks and responsibilities too and the best way to do this is through lessons.
I suspect deep down she does realise how wrong and stupid it was and acted defensively when you challenged her.

differentnameforthis · 15/02/2020 10:13

@PlanDeRaccordement If it’s choice between driving 3 miles with a drunk 18yr old or a sober 17yr old that is nearly ready for a full license, I know what I would choose as the responsible thing.

Me too, and it's not for the unqualified, uninsured driver to drive!! An adult be contacted and asked to get them home.

This isn't just about a car full of girls after a night out who would have been being silly, or a driver who isn't experienced enough to drive at night because she has only been having lessons for a few months or a driver who isn't insured...this is about other road users who are going about their business being put at risk by a stupid bunch of teenagers who think they know better than adults. Neither girl is mature enough to be handling a car that is capable of great damage if not controlled properly.

If my dd let her uninsured, unqualified friend drive her car, I want to know. Because it would say to me that she isn't grown up enough to drive, let alone have her own car!!

Porcupineinwaiting · 15/02/2020 10:17

I would expect my teen to call me or a taxi if they hadn't got a safe way home. Not drive illegally. What the OP describes, this is how teenagers die.

Lipperfromchipper · 15/02/2020 10:18

I wouldn’t put a 2 month time limit on withholding the lessons...she’ll just wait it out and not learn from it. I would hold off until she shows that she truly understands the implications of her actions.

AuntieDolly · 15/02/2020 10:25

@differentnameforthis great post.

differentnameforthis · 15/02/2020 10:30

@AuntieDolly Thank you!

sashh · 15/02/2020 10:33

The reason the law was changed to having had a licence for 3 years was because of teenagers being killed having 'ad hoc' lessons with a friend who had just passed their test.

She would be looking at 6 points for the no insurance and 3-6 points for the no licence, plus an unlimited fine, realistically more likely to be £1000.

Had she been involved in an accident she could be looking at prison.

Her friend is also risking 6 points and couple of hundred pounds fine.

How much do her lessons cost? I'd cancel them until you have saved the equivalent of a fine.

I also agree with a trip to the court, motoring offences are normally heard on the same day, the court will be able to tell you the day.

differentnameforthis · 15/02/2020 10:42

I wouldn't cancel her lessons, or her theory test. I don't think there is anything to be gained by doing that.

I would slow her progress though. So she has time to think through what she did, and grow up a lot more. If she is having weekly lessons, she'd be having them fortnightly/three weekly. Her theory would be pushed back. I would be expecting her to at least partially fund it too, if she isn't already.

Does she know that she can be banned from driving before she even starts? That's not to mention the consequences of a possible accident due to her being inexperienced, and other drivers around her not knowing she was inexperienced. After all, we don't wear L plates so WE remember we are learners, do we?

I'd be making her look up the penalty for what she did

Driving Without a Full Licence and the Consequences

  • A fine of up to £1000 plus three to six penalty points
  • Banned from obtaining a full licence for a set period of time
  • A higher fine of up to £5000 if convicted of driving without insurance
  • Insurers will impose higher insurance premiums for those with driving convictions, penalty points and/or a disqualification
  • Additional expense of legal representation
  • Those looking for driving employment may ruin their chances with a driving conviction on their licence
user18463585026 · 15/02/2020 10:50

A friend's teen did this. Only the police were involved. Lesson learnt, no lives ruined.

Simply suspending her lessons for a bit but otherwise covering for her and continuing to finance everything is condoning it.

eurochick · 15/02/2020 11:04

I'd print off the possible sentences for someone caught driving without a licence or insurance for her to contemplate. She has been VERY silly.

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 15/02/2020 11:20

Do you know the other girls' parents? I'd want to speak to all of them. So for example have parents of all the girls in a room discussing the situation then all the girls are brought in to answer questions and hear your decisions. They have to answer all your questions in front of everyone so you can get to the truth.

Your daughter could have hurt someone, damaged the car and could have been banned from driving. I'd ask her about all scenarios in front of everyone.

Similarly, the girl with the license. She needs to explain to her parents how she would have paid for any repairs to the car. And allowing someone else to drive, what penalty can she expect if the police found out?

And the witnesses. Perhaps they didn't drive that night. Perhaps they have done on other nights, or would have done in the future. At the last, they could have harrowing memories and guilt about being witnesses to a crash.

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 15/02/2020 11:21

at the least