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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD driving with no licence / insurance!!

74 replies

Sparkly212 · 14/02/2020 09:41

Hi,

My DD is 17 and has a provisional licence and has been taking professional lessons with an approved instructor for a few months now.

Last night, she was out with a few friends, one of whom has a full licence and her own car.

DD came home last night and the girls car pulled up in the drive and I happened to be looking out the window as this happened. DD got out of the drivers door and I could clearly see her sitting in the drivers seat as the car pulled in.

I questioned her about this and she admitted that she drove the car home from her friends house which is about 3 miles away.

I asked her did she not realise that it’s illegal as she doesn’t have a full licence, her “supervisor” doesn’t meet the legal criteria to supervise a learner and she has no insurance in place to drive that car, nor did she have L plates displayed.

It turned into an argument, with her shouting, screaming and slamming doors.

I feel like reporting her to the police - this is illegal and I know how I feel about illegal drivers - especially when they cause a crash and it’s the innocent people that suffer.

But on the other hand, if I did report her, she will lose her licence and her insurance premiums in the near future will be sky high, which I will have to foot the costs for so it’ll back fire on me and DH.

I have just thought about cancelling her professional lessons for a while until she realises that driving illegally is unacceptable.

What should I do??

OP posts:

PhilCornwall1 · 15/02/2020 11:28

If my son (who is learning and almost test ready) did this, I'm afraid I would report him and the other person to the Police.

Whilst this may sound harsh, driving is a bloody serious business and it's too late when there is an accident.

There has to be consequences for stupidity.

Khione · 15/02/2020 11:44

I wouldn't immediately cancel lessons - makes her much more likely to do it again.

Is there an adult she respects who will talk to her about potential consequences (and if possible the friend whose car it is too) who isn't immediate family so less likely to cause immediate defensiveness.

If she refuses to discuss it with anyone then told that lessons are cancelled until she has, at the very least, agreed not to do it again.

It's hard at that age to totally appreciate the possible consequences. Definitely get the theory test ASAP, hopefully that will help her understand better.

mencken · 15/02/2020 15:12

like most on here I am thinking 'horrendous brat'. The infantile tantrum when found out shows that there is no way she is responsible enough to drive.

pull the plug for the year's ban she could get if she was reported. If she doesn't like that, report her and get her banned for real. And that's also enough time for her to save up to restart lessons that she will fund herself.

Oblomov20 · 15/02/2020 15:35

Tricky. I too would be very cross indeed.

Original poster

Sparkly212 · 15/02/2020 16:38

@lljkk her instructor has said to her he thinks she should be ready for test within the next month if she passes her theory test.

DH and I would be paying her insurance but she has no job so she won’t be getting a car until she does and it’ll be a basic Renault Clio or something like that

OP posts:

HeronLanyon · 15/02/2020 16:45

I would cancel both the theory and the lessons if there is a hint of more attitude come her. If she apologises properly once it’s all calmed down I would consider not cancelling the theory test. Still cancel the tests.

If you tell the instructor s/he will be in a very difficult position.
I’m a lawyer - I deal with death by dangerous driving and all of the consequences of her stupidity !
Really sorry op. It will all blow over but for now she needs real consequences and needs more growing up before she starts (carries on!) driving.

doritosdip · 15/02/2020 16:57

The theory test pass is valid for 2 years so I'd let her take it so I wasn't forking out again but I'd stop with the practical lessons for a few months. There's no point if she's not got the money to buy a car.

What would she have done if she'd damaged the car? Who drove the car after your dd got out?

As another poster said, I'd expect my dd to phone a taxi if she was "stuck" for a lift from a sober driver. Someone who'd drive without a license and insurance is not mature enough to be on the roads.

mummabubs · 15/02/2020 18:31

It is a tricky one OP, you know your daughter better than any of us so will be best placed to know whether her reaction was due to feeling nothing was wrong with her actions vs. her perhaps feeling a lot of shame and guilt and it coming out as defensiveness.

I agree with the majority here than consequences and boundaries are a good way to go. Since she has no job and is reliant on you to fund her driving dream then you need to be able to trust that she will never do anything like this again, and trust is something she'll have to earn from you. As for telling the other girls' parents I honestly don't know. But I suppose if my son had given his car to someone he knew wasn't able to drive it legally I'd want to be able to address that with him.

Original poster

Sparkly212 · 15/02/2020 22:11

Hi all,

DD has said that the other girl had not been drinking and that she had asked DD to drive because she wanted to FaceTime her boyfriend and couldn’t be bothered driving and DD agreed because she just wanted to drive a car for the sake of doing so. I do believe the other girl wasn’t drinking as the girl would have had to drive the car home again from my house.

I have told the other girls parents and her mum basically screamed at me down the phone and said that this is untrue and that DD is a bully.

I’ve asked DD if she can say she won’t do this ever again and she has said she won’t and that she realises how stupid and potentially dangerous it was

OP posts:

HeronLanyon · 15/02/2020 22:16

Oh dear what a nightmare with other mother screaming at you - just as things were perhaps beginning to calm down a bit !
Good luck op.

HeronLanyon · 15/02/2020 22:18

And good for your daughter - sounds like she has perhaps got over her strop and realised how stupid it was. (I’d still delay lessons for a bit ).

weegiemum · 15/02/2020 22:23

Driving without insurance on a provisional licence is 6 points - so even if you pass your test you'd immediately lose your licence again until the 2 years are up.

Don't ask how I know

CherryPavlova · 15/02/2020 22:31

I wouldn’t pay for the test until she was mature enough to understand a car comes with responsibility.
I’d forego future lessons for a month and inform the drivers parents.
I wouldn’t let my under eighteen year old in a car with a child driver.

Ginfordinner · 15/02/2020 22:37

The other mother sounds like she is the type of parent who is in denial that their children ever do anything wrong.

I hope this doesn't have repercussions at school.

glenhaggis · 15/02/2020 22:41

If it’s choice between driving 3 miles with a drunk 18yr old or a sober 17yr old that is nearly ready for a full license, I know what I would choose as the responsible thing

Neither are responsible but one is marginally less irresponsible than the other.

Original poster

Sparkly212 · 15/02/2020 22:51

I have always found the girl’s mother to be very snooty and up herself anyway, she has made nasty remarks in the past about my mother who had mental health difficulties in the past when I was a child.

when I spoke to her about the driving issue, she said I would need to stop throwing accusations around about her daughter just because I can’t look after my own properly.

This girl does have a job but she is working in a coffee shop at weekends on minimum wage and has a Volkswagen Golf, a 2.0 litre I believe! So obviously mummy and daddy have paid for that!

OP posts:

sashh · 16/02/2020 04:49

she had asked DD to drive because she wanted to FaceTime her boyfriend

So not only was DD driving she wasn't even being supervised.

Just one thing OP

When DD is getting her first car don't get a clio or a 'nice little runaround' get her something built like a tank.

Something she will be protected in if/when she has a bump. By default this will also be the car her friends don't want to go in let alone drive.

Sorry about the other mother.

Pixxie7 · 16/02/2020 05:35

I wouldn’t cancel her lessons because without practicing it may be counterproductive. But perhaps make her work to pay for them even if it’s chores around the house.

Lara53 · 16/02/2020 06:19

Book her on to a Safe Drive, Stay Alice type course - this is what it’s called in Hampshire. My DS did it in November and it was very useful

BikeRunSki · 16/02/2020 08:24

Safe Drive, Stay Alice

This will work particularly well if her name is Alice.

mencken · 16/02/2020 17:04

if and when she gets back on the road, don't get her something built like a tank - get her something small so she feels unsafe. Might make her a better driver.

right now is a stroppy irresponsible madam who should get the bus.

CherryPavlova · 16/02/2020 18:38

Absolutely mencken Absolutely.

iklboo · 16/02/2020 21:00

DH is a driving instructor - most of his pupils get something like a Fiat 500 as their first car. Small, reliable and easy to handle (no I don't work for them & DH drives a Ford).

pasanda · 16/02/2020 23:06

Iklboo - yes but with a shit safety record! I love the look of those fiat 500's for a 1st car for my dd but am reluctant because of their performance in safety tests

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