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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Sexually active 15 year old DS

17 replies

tatasa · 10/02/2020 15:41

Yes, just discovered my DS is sexually active at 15, to my knowledge he doesn't have a girlfriend, I kept a cool head, discussed contraception, told him not happy about it due to his age. He assured me he's being careful. WWUD?

OP posts:

MiniMum97 · 10/02/2020 15:45

I would do what you have done but also have discussions around respect for women, love and relationships, consent and general safety - how is he meeting his partners for example? Are his partners around the same age?

Tombakersscarf · 10/02/2020 15:49

Who is he having sexual with if he doesn't have a girlfriend? Completely casual hook ups at 15 sounds awful.
I would just ground him tbh.

Cuddling57 · 10/02/2020 15:51

Where is he having sex?
Show him some sexual disease websites. Also definitely go over consent too.

mcmen05 · 10/02/2020 22:56

How Did you find out. At 15 too young and especially with random people.

FishCanFly · 11/02/2020 11:13

Sounds very risky. Somebody might be taking advantage of him.

BarbedBloom · 11/02/2020 14:45

Kids don't always tell parents about girlfriends to be honest. A fair few teens of this age will be sexually active, I was. The best advice is to keep communication ongoing, talk about consent, whether he is actually ready, contraception, all of the usual.

Grounding him is a terrible idea. Firstly it doesn't even guarantee he won't have sex, I know people who skipped a lesson at school to have sex or snuck out during lunch break. Also, how long are you grounding him for exactly?

15 is young really, but abstinence based education has been proven not to work at all. Everyone at 15 thinks they know best. Better to keep him talking to you than come down heavy handed and break that connection. I had a pregnancy scare at 15 but couldn't talk to my mum as I knew she would flip out totally.

BarbedBloom · 11/02/2020 14:46

Just to add, I wasn't meaning the OP was intending to ground him- just replying to another commenters suggestion

Original poster

tatasa · 12/02/2020 07:42

Thank you for taking the time out to reply. I don't want to probe to much into the where and who's, as I need to keep communication lines open. Hopefully he'll tell me in his own time. I'm quite certain his partner(s) is of a similar age as he appears to be quite popular with girls. We have had the respect for girls discussion also, but not sure it's something a 15 year old pays too much attention to.

OP posts:

Weenurse · 12/02/2020 07:46

Talk about consent and make sure he has access to condoms

OccasionalNachos · 12/02/2020 07:51

We have had the respect for girls discussion also, but not sure it's something a 15 year old pays too much attention to.

& this in a nutshell is the problem with a hell of a lot of adult men, they never cared & they still don’t.

FWIW I think you are doing the right thing by talking & not probing too much, but do keep talking & reiterating the need for mutual respect and consent at all times. It’s vitally important that this becomes his norm.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/02/2020 07:53

Talk to him about how shit his life will be if he gets some girl he’s not even in a close relationship with pregnant.

I bought DS “Slam” by Nick Hornby, which is a novel about that sort of scenario, for Christmas when he was 15 is so. I just wanted him to be thinking about it more seriously.

Giroscoper · 12/02/2020 20:29

A girl in Ds1's year at school was pregnant in year 10, the father was in year 9. She kept the baby.

It really was a wake up call for all those boys boasting about their shagging when they realised they had no say in whether they became a father. Ds said it was terrifying. He wasn't and still isn't sexually active.

Rainallnight · 12/02/2020 20:32

*Giroscoper, is he 34 now?

Giroscoper · 14/02/2020 12:12

Rain did this happen to your bloke? No, it was just a couple of years ago.

TheSoundofSilence · 14/02/2020 12:32

Is it too intrusive to ask the context in which he told you? Did he volunteer the information willingly, or did you confront him? If the former, then he must trust you to confide in you. Keep the lines of communication open, build trust with him and advise him wisely. It might be an idea to gently probe wether he is with a steady partner, or if they are possibly more random. What might also be a good idea would be to try and establish their age.

KellyHall · 14/02/2020 12:40

I was sexually active at 15. I did not take the pill properly or use condoms correctly. I ended up pregnant and with an STI which took years to properly get rid of.

Sex is great fun but it's really easy to make huge errors.

I don't think anyone can say 15 is far too young when the age of consent is 16!

MOLLYJO987 · 17/02/2020 18:39

Please also mention the risk of sexually transmitted infections, as well. I think you are doing well by not prying too much.

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