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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year old boy wants to go out with friends on New years eve

27 replies

mamaofboys71 · 21/12/2019 10:01

Where we live there is a town near by with a tradition of everyone going out on the street in fancy dress for new years eve. It starts out very family 'fun' and gets messier as the night goes on. My 14 year old son has been asking to go with his friends for the last couple of years and I have always said no. He's youngest in his year so a lot of his friends are 15.He is quite mature and is 6ft tall, but I am worried that he could get mistaken for being older and caught up in fighting. I know his friends will be drinking. My gut wants to not let him go, but at the same time I feel like he would have loads of fun with his friends and will resent me for not letting him go. Do I stick to my Victorian mumma stance, or loosen up and let him go out?!

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 21/12/2019 12:57

I'd let him go but give him a strict curfew and make sure he has a phone. Maybe make him come home at 12.30. It's a bit miserable if he's the only one not allowed and you have to let them out at some point.

What sort of town is it? Is it problematic in general? Much crime? If there is...ie stabbings etc then it would just be no. If it's a normal town then I'd let him.

backdoormadness · 21/12/2019 12:59

Not sure how far away the town is from him. Could you get him to come home at 10:30 to ‘check in’ to make sure he’s alright (not flat out wasted). Or at least for him to call you.

And then for him to start walking home 20minutes after midnight - of ten minute walk home for 12:30.

Original poster
mamaofboys71 · 22/12/2019 11:06

Thanks for your replies. We live in the middle of nowhere so I'll have to pick him up and it's not even our closest town.It's around a half hour drive away. Also the mobile signal isn't great there. The town isn't really rough, but I think there's always a bit of trouble after midnight. So you don't think he's too young to be out till that late ? I'm so torn with this. I had no rules when I was that age and was really vulnerable ,out getting paralytic, so that's what is making be want to stop him...but I do still want him to have fun.

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BillHadersNewWife · 22/12/2019 11:09

I have a 15 year old DD and she's been going to the cinema in the city (quite a bit city...think the size of Manchester) for around a year now with her mates...a mix of boys and girls.

They get the train...then go to a noodle place or McDonalds....then come home.

They're usually on their way home by 10 at the latest so maybe, thinking about it, midnight IS late.

Could you maybe get him to text you a few times? How reliable is he? Is he sensible?

GreenTulips · 22/12/2019 11:10

The thing is you have to start somewhere.

DDs friends who have never been let out or have a few drinks have gone off the wall. Some have ended up in a&e having their stomach pumped.

You set the rules. Text at half 10. He can cal anytime if things get out of hand.

Why not go yourself? You could go about 11:30 and be on hand minutes away. I take it they’ll be fireworks etc at midnight.

PerfectPretender · 22/12/2019 11:12

It's too young, imo. He has his whole life to get rowdy at midnight with drunken mates, why does he need to start so young?

Has he ever gone out that late before? New Year's Eve isn't really the best night to start anyway.

daisypond · 22/12/2019 11:18

Hm. I’m in central London and my DC were heading into town alone or with friends well before 14 in the day. But I wouldn’t be happy about them - all girls - hanging around the streets at night. Mine would have gone to a party in someone’s house at that age, or been home with us.

missyB1 · 22/12/2019 11:24

I think at 14 it’s too young to just be out on the streets. If he was at a party I would feel a bit easier but just wandering the streets there’s too much scope for things to turn nasty.

Original poster
mamaofboys71 · 22/12/2019 11:31

He's only ever been out that late with friends this summer at a couple of festivals ( really safe family friendly ones and I was not too far away). So no, he has never experienced a late night drunken piss up. There are fireworks at midnight, so actually thinking maybe I should aim to go there myself at around 11 ( not exactly my idea of fun as i'd have to drive so couldn't have a drink ..) and see how he is. If all good I can stay till midnight close by and if not I could take him home then. Maybe that's the compromise...

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Original poster
mamaofboys71 · 22/12/2019 11:33

Or I just say NO! and be the kill joy mum but know he's safe .... arghhhhhh

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RaininSummer · 22/12/2019 11:40

I must be Victorian too but i think that is too young for that scenario . NYE is a tinderbox if young people in different groups and booze is involved. Its too far from home for him to be travelling independently and the phone signal is bad. Recipe for possible disaster in my mind

RaininSummer · 22/12/2019 11:41

Only way I would consider it is if I was there too with a groyo if people and could keep an eye from a distance.

Original poster
mamaofboys71 · 22/12/2019 11:55

Thanks for your replies. Out of interest, those who said too young... what age would you think is ok? Only asking as he is August born so some of his school friends are almost a year older.

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ExpletiveFairylighted · 22/12/2019 11:58

Do any if the friends live in the town so there would be a house to retreat to? Also, they are not going to be getting into pubs or similar, if it hammers down with rain all night its not going to be much fun on the street. Bear in mind also that phone signals are overstretched after midnight on NYE. I think you going and waiting would be sensible if not much fun. He would need picking up at some point anyway I guess?

RaininSummer · 22/12/2019 12:07

In answer to 'how old ', probably when you know they can handle nights out wirh people drinking and possibly drugging and either have a way of getting home or somewhere to stay. Need some ordinary night out to prove this really before going for the big NYE.

Original poster
mamaofboys71 · 22/12/2019 12:13

The weirdest thing for me is that all his friends have been doing this for a couple of years ! There is no way I would have let him at 12 or 13 and tbh the only reason I'm considering it this year is because he is 6ft and has not been a'wild' child so far ( although he def has an interest in partying ...I keep telling him to wait). I just don't want to tip the balance to the point where he totally rebels and doesn't listen to my 'wait' advice re partying.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 22/12/2019 12:15

I don’t think it’s an age thing. It’s about maturity.

PerfectPretender · 22/12/2019 12:57

And experience. If you've done nights out while drunk before, it's easier to hold yourself together in a slightly more intense NYE experience.

I'd say at least 16, but again it's about maturity and experience.

thecherryontop · 22/12/2019 13:06

I work in a secondary school and the more I see and hear it would be a definite NO from me. Even at the risk of being a complete meanie. Maybe do something with the family instead?

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 22/12/2019 13:14

It would be a no from me. If his mates are all drinking, he will too. I recon he needs to wait at least another year, if not two.

DecemberSnow · 22/12/2019 13:17

I would let him go but be in the area, not even tell him. And make sure he stays in contact. Then pick him up about 12.30/1... Depending on what he was doing...

I know its a poo evening for you, but its new years i would want to start letting him have abit of freedom. (but hide near by 🤣)

Thehavenots · 22/12/2019 13:25

I would not let my 14 year old out all night. Sounds as if he would be wandering the streets all evening? With lots of alcohol around? And your not close by? I would ask him to stay in, or arrange a gathering at your house !

RedskyAtnight · 22/12/2019 13:38

My DS is a year older than yours (so some of his friends have turned 16). I still wouldn't send him to a New Year's Eve party like that (for comparison though, most of DS's friends don't drink). The trickiest bit is that he's 30 minutes away - if he rings at 10.30 in a panic, you are not going to be able to get to him easily.

by the way, I'm not sure him being tall is a plus point. Mainly because so many people think tall = older and might treat him like an older teen.

cdtaylornats · 22/12/2019 13:41

Yes but home right after the bells. 12:30 at the latest.

Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2019 13:42

Dd was 15 yesterday. No way would I allow her to do that.
Nor DS when he’s older