At crisis point

[Washingnerd]

2 weeks ago my 16 yr old DD attempted suicide, it was completely out of the blue, she saw metal health alone as she didnt want me of DH there, since then we have tried to get her to open up and I thought we were getting there and that the problem was school, work load etc, we told her to quit if it was making her feel depressed and that her happiness was the most important thing, she said she didnt want to and has gone back to school, to my horror yesterday I found out she had been referred to a drugs misuse service, never have drugs been suspected at all, I changed her bed and found a timeline of her life which ended up with addiction, following this I managed to get her messages via her laptop which opened up the horrible truth, she is taking drugs daily and in our home (another DS 5 yo) it appears to be ecstasy, she waits for us to go to bed then leaves the house to meet and buy them comes home and takes them alone in her room. It also appears that she is depressed and that we are the main problem although doesnt really say what it is that we have done or not done, she absolutely hates me and her dad. I must add that nothing traumatic has ever happened to her, we are a stable family she has every bit of technology going and are in a position to take her on amazing holidays.

Lastnight we tried to talk to her about this, pleaded, begged and cried and she just wouldn't engage (I didn't tell her how I found this information out i said a concerned friend and contacted me) she just looked at the wall the whole time, she said she had only taken it twice which is a lie. I have contacted the MH today who tell me they have discharged her! Got and emergency GP appointment which she refused to go to if me or DH came, shes is being absolutely vile to both of us, refusing to come home, wont tell me where she is, her friends are also not helping as I have tried to contact them, name calling etc. I just have no idea how we can get past this or even live in the same house at the moment, she has no unstanding of how this has affected us and has now resorted to making lies up about things that havnt ever happened in her life in an attempt to justify her behaviour to her friends towards us.

I am at a complete loss with what to do

Just wanted to send you some solidarity, I have a ds who is 13 and he has admitted taking ecstasy, weed and has tried cocaine, the worry and stress is horrendous, I have grounded him but he is now blaming me for poor mental health as I'm isolating him from his friends. Its an absolute minefield keeping teenagers safe, I have no advice but just wanted to say you are not alone xx

No advice, but sending you a big load of solidarity. My DD suffers a lot with her MH. The whole house is effected by her mood and mental state. It's a minefield OP and I feel for you.

Thanks guys for replying to me, its such a major shock to us all and to understand that I'm not the only one facing this battle is humbling

How are things OP?

Hit and miss at the moment, she wont engage when I try to discuss anything just playing it all down saying she only took it twice and we are over reacting, me and DH have been arguing over how to deal with it but weve had a good chat today and I'm hoping we will come together as we usually have a such a great relationship. Meanwhile I'm struggling to sleep, locking doors and keeping keys next to me in bed so she cannot sneak out.

How are things with you @pontiouspilates?

I feel for you, DH and I are usually on the same page too, but we've also had disagreements on how to handle things. It's like a roller-coaster here, some times it's like she's back to 'normal' other times she is hardly able to get out of bed, barely able to talk and telling us she's not going back to uni. She has a Dr's appt today, we need to try to sort out what is her and what is side effects of the ADs they've put her on. I could just get in the car and keep driving to be honest.

@pontiouspilates I hear you I just want to run away from it all! We managed a half decent day for xmas hope you did too? the dr has prescribed some AD's for DD but we have been struggling to get hold of them there a shortage of the particular ones that have been prescribed

It sounds as if she is self medicating with the ecstasy. It is not usual to take it alone. It also has a horrid comedown, (they dont call it suicide tuesday for no reason).
I would try to get to the bottom of why she is self medicating. Has she had any trauma? I would particularly look into the possibility of undiagnosed ASD or ADHD. These conditions can often go undiagnosed in girls and women and can cause significant breakdowns.

Just beware that she can get worse before she gets better on the ADs, at least that's our experience with DD. The Dr has said it can be 6-8wks before the side effects subside. We've had: lack of appetite, insomnia, lethargy, tearful and pessimistic. At the moment it feels that she is worse than before she started them.

Could she be involved in County Lines stuff?

I would also say not to be too quick to assume nothing traumatic has happened to her. Yes her home life appears stable but if you've not noticed her sneaking out the house it is possible that you've missed something else. How is she paying for the drugs? Any chance of prostitution? How did she get into them? Has she been groomed?

@muddledmidget nothing traumatic that I am aware off, she told us earlier on in the year that she was gay (we knew anyway), but we have been supportive of this and her friends seem to be the same. She has a job 2 evenings a week so gets money from that. Looks like she took it at a party with her friends and has since taken a liking to the drug so has continued to take it, she says only twice but I know it's more. I have looked at her internet stuff and I cannot see that she has or is being roomed from her chats and history