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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How do parties work for 17 year olds?

13 replies

sergeantmajor · 20/09/2019 16:54

My ds has been invited to a birthday party. He has social difficulties so he hasn't been to one for years.
Should he take a birthday card and gift? Or is that not cool?
It's in the parents' house. What time do these things end? Would it be too tragic if I picked him up (car hiding round the corner) or should make his own way home on public transport (and therefore leave earlier)?
Advice appreciated!
Any other rules or pitfalls I should know about?

OP posts:
Justgivemesomepeace · 20/09/2019 16:58

My dd is 17. She wouldnt take a card or present unless it was a really close friend and she would probably give that another time.
She would come home whatever time she wanted now, but would always answer my texts if i was worried, and would let me know shes either on her way home or staying out.
She would love a lift and that wouldn't be uncool, but i wouldnt stay up that late.

PuffHuffle5 · 20/09/2019 16:59

Does he have some closer friends going who he could arrive/leave with - (you could maybe kindly offer a lift?) otherwise I think be flexible with the pick up - maybe he can just send you a text if he wants to leave early or stay later. When I was that age bringing gifts and cards wasn’t really expected unless it was a really close friend, but I’m a girl - I don’t think boys bother.

HappyHammy · 20/09/2019 17:06

If it's a good friend and a special bd like 18th I would take a present, most send fb messages rather than cards. Are the parents going to be there, or is it just an informal party. I would offer a safe lift home, he can text when hes ready. Meet him round the corner and offer his mates a lift if they want one.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 20/09/2019 17:13

I don't think many/any will bring presents-if DD is exchanging with birthday person it would usually be done separately.
Sadly I agree with @PuffHuffle5 that while DD might DS's would not-except for alcohol.

I would suggest a bottle of cheap fizz if he wants to bring something.

Def go with someone so he doesn't walk in alone and have that awful "who do I talk to/what do I do" when he arrives.

I def think ok to hide round corner if DS is happy with that. Round here most parties are walking distance or occasionally Uber. But occasionally parents collect. Hope he has fun!!

JustDanceAddict · 20/09/2019 17:19

It really depends. DD had her 17th bday party recently. Her close friends gave cards/presents, maybe 6 out of 25? No boys bought presents!!
She has gone to bday parties and come back w the card as ‘no-one was giving anything’.
In fact she is going to an 18th this w/e and she will give card with some £££ or voucher as it’s a small gathering. I know the parents and the girl so I know that’s appropriate in this case.
Usually parents pick up - text from car - or if others going sometimes travel back w them.
THere will probably be drink so you may need to have a chat about that before he goes. Hope he has a nice time.

Chloesmumtoo · 20/09/2019 17:28

Same as others have said. Dd has taken card/gift or card with money inside for best friends parties but sometimes youngsters don't bother as they get older esp if big party. Usually pays to ask what others are doing. If still unsure, get him to take some money in his pocket, that always goes down well, then he can choose whether to give or not dependant at the time. Dd has done this. Are the parents present do you know. Yes, was going to mention the alcohol situation too! Dds never had any problems with being picked up after.

BackforGood · 20/09/2019 17:34

No, they don't tend to take gifts, but would generally take something to drink, if it is a house party. 2l bottle of coke is fine if you aren't happy with beer. Mine seem to find a big pack of posh crisps or something is appreciated too, but not expected.

Yes to picking him up - that's fine (as long as you text him to say you are there and don't try and go and ring the doorbell Grin

titchy · 20/09/2019 17:41

No present or card. Assume large quantities of alcohol will be consumed. Take alcohol (anything from a couple of bottles of beer to a large bottle of vodka...) - there are ways of not drinking much but not looking like you're abstaining if needs be. Pick up 12 or 12.30. Wait in car and text!!

titchy · 20/09/2019 17:42

And don't arrive before 9.

UrsulaPandress · 20/09/2019 17:45

No to cards and gifts. Give separately if a close friend.

For dds 16th it was girls only and I made a punch. By her 17th it was mixed and vodka all the way. But we stayed upstairs.

Late pick up always appreciated.

Original poster
sergeantmajor · 20/09/2019 18:52

Big thanks for the useful advice!

OP posts:
Arewedone · 20/09/2019 19:31

Same as @titchy
No card/ present. Alcohol but you don’t have to drink it.
Pick up/ offer lifts to friends and wait in the car after sending text. Usually pick up any time after 11.30. If a group are going together and they can share a cab back I pick up from friends.

Arewedone · 20/09/2019 19:32

Actually I’m on cab duty tonight Grin

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