When do you let girlfriend/boyfriend sleepover in same room?

[CrazyHorse]

16yo DS has a girlfriend - she's nearly 17.

They started seeing each other just after GCSE's finished, so did spend a lot of time together after exams while DH and I were at work.

He now wants her to stay over one night next week. From what I can tell her parents don't mind (he wanted her to come home with us after the prom, but we said no - her parent was waiting for her in the car park, and apparently they'd said OK)

DH will want to fully interview her father first- I'm only semi joking. (We said no to DS1s girlfriend staying over when they were both 19 because she was from an incredibly strict religious family and DH didn't want to disrespect her father)

I've no idea what other people agree to.

My 18 year old dd and her boyfriend had been together for more than a year before she even asked if he could stay the night. Not sure why, perhaps she's ashamed of us!

Tread carefully here op

My dad was 19 before she asked if her bag could stay. They'd been together about 4 months.

Said yes but it went from being every now and then to pretty much four five nights a week over the course of 12 months.
Should have put our foot down sooner but didn't and it created chaos and another person to tidy up after feed aswel as having two younger dc aswel.

In the end we agreed less nights but make sure you lay ground rules down first if your going to allow them.

We didn't and we had in and out all hours of night,cooking and leaving kitchen a state for the next morning,four towels a day ending up on bedroom floors etc etc and generally treated like a bloody hotel.

We have learnt lesson and when the next dc gets to that stage it will be one night a week and tidy up after yourself from the outset

I think they are too young and haven't been together long at all.

When they consider themselves in a partnership, at least a year, luckily mine found parents who agreed with me.
It's the message you give them that matters.

So they've only been together since the end of June? I'm surprised your ds has asked so quickly.

Never.
I don't bring home people to shag, why should the dc?
If they lived together, elsewhere, and visited to stay over, then yes perhaps that would be the time.

@onyourway - it's the girlfriend asking through DS. For some reason she doesn't want to be home alone that night, or it's the only night she can stay or something. I'm not convinced DS is that into her, I think he just likes having a girlfriend.

As a friend of mine said to her mother

"Just because you are in your declining years, don't deny me my reclining years".

My parents let me and my first boyfriend stay in the same bedrooms from 16, never any issues.

Same with his parents

( honestly.. we used to cuddle, watch movies and talk)! Sometimes we would get bored and sit down stairs with our family's instead.

We had a giggle at the fact his mum put a box of condoms on his bedside table but it showed they trusted us.

We didn't use them for a long time .. we just wasn't ready.

trust me.. she will make sure she's on contraception! My mum had the chat to me and was shocked to find out I had already had the implant fitted!

However my friend who wasn't allowed to stay round her boyfriends house and both family's didn't agree on it etc used to lie to their parents instead. If they want to have a sleep over at home.. there's much worse they could be doing!! Believe me.. our other friends was up to much worse !

No.

I have a 15y/o and if he wants a girlfriend of less than a couple of months to stay over my response would be “no problem, are you making up the spare room then?”.

I used to sneak my boyfriend in through my window!

My rules were: both kids 17 or over. Relationship of a few months (more than since the end of GCSEs). Only eg after a late night event or party, not just as a random thing.

My DS is 17 in 2 weeks and his GF is 16, they just got their GSCE results and have been together 7 months.

My son is very open with me, I bought him condoms at the beginning of summer, but they didn't actually have sex for a while after that. Now they are in a full sexual relationship and her wants her to stay. I said no at first but then i asked them both what they intended to go for contraception in the long term. She said she was on the Pill and that her mum knew and her parents are fine about it all.

So i let her stay, there was no drama, all was fine. No problem.

Not sure id feel the same if I had a girl, but there you go.

They are just children. No ways would I would be ok with this.

Also, we have a 14yo DD, and DH is never ever going to agree to a BF of hers staying over until they have been married for several years (possibly a slight exaggeration) by I don't want to let DS do one thing, and then say no to DD.

Apparently the GF is on contraception and DS is not her first boyfriend (she is his first GF).

My gut feeling is to say no, but I don't want to be unfriendly.

@GiveMeHope103 When would you be OK with it?

I wouldn't consider my 16 year old, 6ft4, heavily muscular, about to start driving, very sensible DS "a child" in the way my 12 year old is most definitely a child.

trust me.. she will make sure she's on contraception!

Judging by the number of teenage pregnancies, this is fundamentally untrue.

OP it has been barely two months since the end of June. For me, this would be too much, too soon, too young for them to be sharing a room/bed.

If she wants to stay over rather than be home alone for the night, then by all means have her to stay, just in a different room. One of them on the sofa if needs be. And be very clear that any breach/sneaking around will make you much more likely to be reluctant to allow it in future rather than more willing.

Also, we have a 14yo DD, and DH is never ever going to agree to a BF of hers staying over until they have been married for several years

Friends of mine who had parents with that attitude were always the wildest and rebelled the hardest! He may want to rethink because she’ll end up doing as she pleases anyway! She’ll just do it behind his back!

Yes I’d be fine with it, we let DSS ex girlfriend stay prior to GCSE’s, realistically if they are having sex I’d rather they have it under our roof than be stupid at parties or try ways and means to go about doing it.
As that way mistakes are made, at least at home it’s in a controlled environment (with condoms in the bathroom).

My mum let my boyfriend stay over when we were both 16 about to turn 17, incidentally if I stayed at his he would have to sleep on the sofa but at mine we both shared a bed.

Nothing bad happened, we were together for a few years and it fizzled out... we didn’t get pregnant!

So personally I would let his gf stay over.

Bigusbumus, do height and musculature equal maturity for you?

Sorry, but that is hilarious

@Spinnaret

Teen pregnancy rates are actually at there lowest since 1969!

Yes what has size got to do with it?

The UK still has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in Europe, euro23451277. Teen pregnancy rates used to be far worse but the improved stats are still not great.

My answer to the OP's question would be "When they get a place of their own."

I agree with pps who are against this idea, for all the reasons stated.

It'd be a no from me at that age.

I started allowing it last year and only once every so often. She's away at uni for the most part but has been with her boyfriend a year. When she's back home, it averages about once every fortnight or so.

Oh and how old is she? 21.