When do you let girlfriend/boyfriend sleepover in same room?

[CrazyHorse]

16yo DS has a girlfriend - she's nearly 17.

They started seeing each other just after GCSE's finished, so did spend a lot of time together after exams while DH and I were at work.

He now wants her to stay over one night next week. From what I can tell her parents don't mind (he wanted her to come home with us after the prom, but we said no - her parent was waiting for her in the car park, and apparently they'd said OK)

DH will want to fully interview her father first- I'm only semi joking. (We said no to DS1s girlfriend staying over when they were both 19 because she was from an incredibly strict religious family and DH didn't want to disrespect her father)

I've no idea what other people agree to.

Don’t think we need to worry about comparing to Europe anymore do we?!

I'm in my mid twenties and have younger siblings so this has been a topic for discussion in our household recently.

My parents said nothing before 18 and that was something nearly all my friends' parents agreed with. If they were further apart distance wise, boyfriends and girlfriends could stay under the same roof but in very different bedrooms, end of.

I agree the religious aspect contributes in some circumstances.

Overall in this scenario, they're both too young in my opinion/experience. They need boundaries established and also do you have any younger DC? It's the example you're setting to them too. Make a decision and stick with it.

18 in our home but insisted DD and BF put a camp bed in her room allegedly for him, because our younger one was only 13

When they are married.

18 is the youngest I’d allow it.
My mum didn’t allow it until I was married and she’s actually very liberal!

”Just because you are in your declining years, don't deny me my reclining years"
Love this

I don’t probably say after they had been together a year. I have a younger dd to think about too and think it’s unfair if he brings every girl he meets back to the house to stay over.

My mum didn’t allow my dh to stay over until we were married and I nevertheless rebelled. I respected her wishes... though he did stay over a couple of times she was on holiday. I stayed over a couple of nights week after we had been together about 8 months. .

My husband would. I’d have to make sure the other parents wete ok with it.
My 16 year olds girlfriend stays over in the guest room. I know they’ve ‘done the deed’ but I know her mum would be uncomfortable with them sharing a room overnight. So for now it’s no.

If they don't do whatever there then they'll find somewhere else to do it and won't be together as often and will therefore do more/worse when they do. I don't know what kind of teenager wants to get busy with their parents next door to be honest

if they don't do whatever there then they'll find somewhere else to do it
The OP didn’t say his gf was banned from his bedroom or banned from coming over. Only banned from staying over. They can do whatever they want without her staying over

We allowed it after 5 months as Dd had been very open and honest and it was a very loving relationship. We discussed contraception and what she should consider beforehand. The first few times it was just sleeping. They have been together almost 2 years. It was a really difficult decision initially but after reading “not under my roof” I changed my thinking.

Teen pregnancy rates are actually at there lowest since 1969!

Still happening though, so 'trust me, she's on the pill' and similar, is still horse shit.

I think you have to go with your gut feeling and it sounds like a 'no' at the moment. Once you've said yes there's no going back. Agree that younger sibs are an issue.

Could she stay in a separate room if she just doesn't want to be home alone?

Personally 2 months at that age isn't a long enough relationship. It gives your DS the chance to say 'no' to sex if not ready and blame it on you...

We don't have a spare room atm, but will when DS1 goes back to uni.

The GF used to sit with DD in the school bus, and they get in well. I feel like saying if she stays she can stay with DD.

I've invented the 6 month rule, and shall be telling DS I'm surprised he hasn't heard of it, as all parents say no to people staying over before they've been together for at least 6 months (my DC can be quite gullible to things like this ) But that will buy me some time.

She's recently moved to the middle of nowhere (IMO) 45 minutes drive away with no transport link to where we are, and I shall be expected to pick her up and drop her off.

No

Just no. end of.

Actually I'm tired and grumpy today.

I'm just going to say no if he asks again today.

When I was 16 my boyfriend stayed downstairs on the sofa... it didnt stop anything happening. After a few months he was allowed to stay in my room, it didnt stop anything happening. Teenagers will find a way you just need to decide whether you're comfortable with that.

For what it's worth were still together married with a ds 13 years later but I think we are probably in the minority there!

If they are 16 they are old enough to have sex and get married. What's the big deal? One night stands are out though.

Heck no.

DS & his GF are 17 and both share a room at our house & at GF's parents' house.

They're in a loving and committed relationship, I made sure they were both using contraception, so why not? I haven't met her parents (although speak to her Mum by text quite a lot) but they seem to be fine with it.

We want them both to feel relaxed & comfortable in our house. Why on earth wouldn't you...

OP sorry to hijack your thread
my dd1 is 16 and she is just after telling me a boy she went with a couple off times is spreading around that he got her pregnant. I am so mad. She has blocked him now on social media as when she asked him why he said it he just laughed at her.
My dd is upset about it as she has never slept with a boy and said she not wanting that kind of a relationship
I would love to message his dad but she said that would make it worse his dad would give out to him and he would just post it on social media. Sorry for the rant.

She has a bf who is so nice.

A no from me. Although the worst ones are the parents who allow their kids teenager partner to move in. Terrible idea they are learning about relationships and don't need that stress. Let's teenagers have space in relationships.

@BigusBumus

I wouldn't consider my 16 year old, 6ft4, heavily muscular, about to start driving, very sensible DS "a child" in the way my 12 year old is most definitely a child.

So by your logic if your son was short, Fat and couldn't drive he would be a child?

DS has never asked but I don't know if I would be comfortable. DH used to say "if there is any shagging to be done under my roof, it will be me doing it" but I don't think he would have said no if actually asked.

I never asked my parents either, even after I had DS and lived with them for a few months while buying our house, DH came to visit in the day time and left in the evening. He didn't stay over at their house until we had been married at least 10 years! My sister on the other hand moved her girlfriend in at 17 and has since had a succession of partners living there.

I wouldn't consider my 16 year old, 6ft4, heavily muscular, about to start driving, very sensible DS "a child" in the way my 12 year old is most definitely a child

I'm short, skinny, have a pretty flat chest and shave (personal choice).
My 14yo DD is tall, curvy, has large breasts, and zero inclination to shave at all.

I guess she should be in charge!

Also, "she looked mature for her age" is the defence of every adult bloke who takes a fancy to a teenager.