When do you let girlfriend/boyfriend sleepover in same room?

[CrazyHorse]

16yo DS has a girlfriend - she's nearly 17.

They started seeing each other just after GCSE's finished, so did spend a lot of time together after exams while DH and I were at work.

He now wants her to stay over one night next week. From what I can tell her parents don't mind (he wanted her to come home with us after the prom, but we said no - her parent was waiting for her in the car park, and apparently they'd said OK)

DH will want to fully interview her father first- I'm only semi joking. (We said no to DS1s girlfriend staying over when they were both 19 because she was from an incredibly strict religious family and DH didn't want to disrespect her father)

I've no idea what other people agree to.

I wasn't even allowed to shut the door when I had my boyfriend's home, didn't stop me fucking them though.

I wasn't even allowed to shut the door when I had my boyfriend's home, didn't stop me fucking them though.

Exactly. Trying to prevent sex by banning overnights won't work.
And if you give your DD a 9pm curfew, she'll just have sex at 8.30. If someone wants to have sex, they'll have it regardless of your rules.

I wouldn't allow my DS/DD to bring a ONS home, because I have younger DC, DH works away from home so I'm alone a lot, and want to be on at least friendly terms with anyone who comes here, let alone has access to our entire house.
Plus it's our family home, not a knocking shop.

Established rship stays overnight, I'll be fine with.

Wonder what the outcome was???

I'd be ok with it when they have their own flat and could deal with any accidental baby on their own. Before then? Nope.

my dd was 17 and had been going out with her bf a few months - she asked me early on and I said no, I wanted to get to know him first.

In the end it became academic because his parents let them first (without speaking to me ) . I was quite cross at that.

I think it's a committed relationship and I wanted them to be able to explore stuff safely rather than furtively. I had the safe sex conversation early on, but my dd was very sensible.

Dd has just broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years. One reason was she didn’t anticipate sex would become a regular norm. even though this is one thing we discussed at length. ie that there is no going back to hand holding once you have had sex. In many ways she is mature but it made me realise that while sexually she was ready, the relationship was very positive, emotionally she thought she was ready and perhaps she wasn’t. Her BF has been really fantastic but ultimately the relationship has become platonic. Not a bad outcome at all but just something to talk to Dds about!

16 was our rule. My 16 yo DD and her boyfriend have barely spent a night apart since they started dating (for the second time, quite a big history) they're sexually active and open about it. Open enough to be adult about asking me for some condoms when she missed her pill.

Interesting discussion. As it happens I had a similar conversation about this situation recently with a friend who is allowing her 15 year old son to sleep with his fairly recent girlfriend quite regularly at their house. There is no way I would allow this for my DD (same age). People present seemed to assume this was because I was trying to prevent her having sex, but that isn't it at all. It just seems so young to be having that level of intimacy and spending so much time together without necessarily having the emotional maturity to deal with it. Seems quite intense to me and while I know they could have sex anywhere its almost as if parents are encouraging the relationship to move too quickly by giving it an 'adult' status. I also feel that though teenagers are unlikely to ask for boundaries around this, they really need someone to put limits on them and on one level they may welcome that.

I think teenagers needing and wanting boundaries is right.

I overheard DS telling a friend yesterday that I don't allow him to stay out late and he has to be home before I go to bed because I really worry about him. He was almost boasting.

So I think although he's asked for his GF to stay over, he probably actually wants me to say no.

My friend used to let her 15yr old DD’s boyfriends stay over (and same for her sons). She ensured the dd’s were on the pill. I wouldn’t allow that though. My DS has just turned 15 and hasn’t had a gf yet so we aren’t at that point. I think maybe 18 but if long term (eg over 6 months) maybe.

I had a baby at 16 and no boyfriends stayed at my house!

*Just because you're in your delicining years don't deny me my reclining years.
*
This is genius.

trust me.. she will make sure she's on contraception!

This is horse shit

My eldest is 17 and been with his girlfriend for 2 years. They’ve never even asked if they can stay over together and quite frankly I wouldn’t even consider allowing it. She lives 5 minutes up the road she doesn’t need to stay just as he doesn’t need to stay at hers when I’m happy for him to Uber home on my account

If they want to have sex, then fine but I wouldn’t even consider saying yes if they can get home so it will be uni time at the earliest.