Mixed sex sleep overs

[namechangedforthis1980]

Hi

Where do you stand with regard to mix sex, largish group, sleepovers at 14/15/16 years old? No couples, all friends.

DS is in a large group of friends ( 7 boys , 5 girls). All lovely children. His friends regularly have parties and due to some living a distance away ( his schools attracts from several towns) quite often this is an overnight party/sleep over. Not necessarily split sexes sleeping arrangements- mainly due to no set bedtime and them all just falling asleep where they are.

DS has now asked to host a party, and I said about having single sex rooms for sleeping. He asked why as other parents weren't bothered and they're all just friends. It just doesn't sit comfortably, particularly as I'm not in contact with some parents to ask if they're happy with the arrangement. He seemed offended that i assume they'd get up to stuff they shouldn't.

Am I being unreasonable about this? Should I just trust them as they're all such great friends? I just feel responsible for the children under our roof. Or do I assume that if a parent has let their child stay then they're happy with the arrangement?

They're year 10, so 15.

It’s under your roof so you need to be comfortable.

At 15 I was so shy that I was never even going to let a boy hold my hand so I suppose I’d have been offended if my parents suggested I’d do anything else .

Only you can judge these teenagers and whether you think they r sensible etc .

I suppose you would be there too ?

You could always contact the other parents to ensure that they agree with and understand the arrangements ( however you decide )

I wouldn't allow it. They're too young and I wouldn't want to be responsible for any shenanigans that might ensue under my roof.

Oh yes we'd definitely be in the house @flappi ! I can't contact most of the parents as I don't have phone numbers for them

@Aquamarine1029 - id definitely feel responsible. DS is accepting my decision but is confused why I'm so different to his friends parents - I normally have a relaxed approach to parenting.

I’m sure you could get phone numbers if you tried and / or start a WhatsApp group with the kids parents ...

Don't fall for the "my mate's parents let them do it" bullshit. Like I told my children, what other parents do is not my concern and I do what I feel is right for them, end of discussion.

Depends on the child. Ds1 no but ds2 I wouldn’t have a problem

Although we’ve not had any mixed sex groups stay, ive had groups of boys and twice I’ve had girls stay

No way. Single sex rooms. No good reason for mixed sex and plenty against.

NO .
Are you mad ?
Absolutely not.

I wouldn't allow it, not without the agreement of all the other parents anyway. Get your DS to hand over the parents contact numbers or stick to your guns, because you can bet your arse that if any of the kids do get carried away it'll be you getting all the blame for any consequences.

I’d be fine with it. Mixed sex friendship groups are a lovely thing and my son who is now in his twenties had his 12th birthday with a sleepover with his friends; one was male and two were female. He also slept one to one in the same room as a female friend age 13/14.
Trust and respect goes two ways and I would suggest that you discuss phone useage and agree no photos of anyone asleep get posted on social media as a form of respect. But other than that go for it.

Thanks everyone.

I'm just really interested to see others thoughts on this, there's no way I would have been allowed to have had boys stay over when I was young, and DS is my eldest so I have nothing else to compare it to. DS is the only teen I know with a mixed group of friends, so I haven't been able to speak to anyone to see what their thoughts were.

I'm going to do a little bit of digging to see if I can trace a few more parents numbers. I'm not going to ask DS to get them, I don't really want to put him in that awkward position, especially as there's already been so many of these events and no other parents have got in touch, so feels a bit like that ship has already sailed!

I’d be fine with it too, I was part of a mixed sex group of friends at this age and we had sleepovers. Nothing sexual happened! I think it’s disrespectful to the group to think they couldn’t keep their hands off each other just because of their age...

I had mixed sex sleepovers at that age - but in fairness all my male friends were gay😂

Hell no.

My daughter is 14 and has always had a mixed sex group of friends. She has a sleep over in ther garden every year and they all just sleep in one big tent. They have done it for a few years now and I've not really thought about changing it. I trust her and as I say they are all just friends and it would be a shame for them not to have the fun of a sleep over or I should say stay a wake by splitting them up.

My dd has a mixed friendship group & they're all really good kids. Mixed sleepovers do happen but if it's in my home it's separate rooms for boys & girls. It's just the way I feel & that's fine as it's my house, other parents can do things their way & you do yours.

We had mixed sex sleepovers all the time around that age. It was never an issue for us with any of our parents. They were always home and we were all pretty sensible.

I allowed it as long as they all were in one room and no alcohol. Kids are a lot less gender segregated these days I've found.

Yes allowed it here, they had a great time, seems girls normally do sleepovers so when the boys have chance to join they seem to like doing girly things! Girls put face packs on them while they watched movies in their Pjs.
Dd almost 17 now and it’s still happening at one of the boys houses but it’s a lot less innocent!

@namechangedforthis1980 did this all the time with my friends! We are still all best pals in our mid 20's !

Nope none of us ever have done anything or coupled up!! We all just had a giggle! Think some of our parents wished some of us had got together though!

This is a tough one! When I was that age I was part of a large group of friends both boys and girls and we would sleep over at each other's houses and share beds with NOTHING going on. However, I understand it's hard for parents to believe that 'nothing' is going on. On the other hand non of us lived far away from one another and we would go around to each other's houses for brews etc and were friendly with each other's parents.

Now at 26 I am married (not to a member of the childhood friendship group), and still very very close friends with the same group and we have had sleepovers as adults 😂

I suppose what I'm saying is, it is possible for your son to just be friends with the girls. However, I am not a mother (yet) so cannot say how I would feel about the situation but would probably reflect on my own experience and if I had mature and trustworthy teens I like to think I would allow it.

Another one in a mixed sex friendship group at that age. Regular sleepovers with no issues. I remember there were couples in the group every so often but they would never have done anything at a mixed group sleepover other than a bit of tame snogging. I’m really glad to have been part of a mixed friendship group, it taught me a lot. Trust him.

Get all the parents' numbers as a condition of this. You don't want to be stuck with a drunk / distressed child.