Teenagers on holiday

[orangeicecream]

I am a single parent on an abroad sunshine holiday with 3 teenagers or almost teens... Aged 12, 13 and 17. They are so boring..... They don't want to do anything except sit staring at their phones.... Don't want to go to the pool, beach, restaurant, bar, play cards or do any sporting activities.... Anything.... I remember holidays (pre-mobiles) being in the pool all day and trying to meet other teens..... Its all different and antisocial now. ... I'm left doing things on my own and wondering what was the point of spending money on this holiday.

So do I:
Remove the phones and force them to come out? AIBU... Accept the boredom is part of the teenage years? Don't take them on holiday again? Thought welcome :)

Tell them it’s your holiday too. Ask them to each choose an activity for all of you to do together.

If you tell them it’s making you feel a bit miserable would they take it on board?

I'll try. Thanks for the suggestion

The 2 ds have just turned up at the pool bar after I flounced out.... They felt guilty I think. However, DD is quite self centred (always has been sadly) so it wouldn't even occur to her to come down. She's the youngest so I do limit her phone with an app.... She'll run out of time and then whine for the rest of the day. 🙄

I'd agree some tech free time so you aren't taking it away but limiting it.

Sympathies- Currently away with mine 16 &18 and I just went ahead and booked activities to avoid the phone issue. We've agreed a phone time each day and so far it’s working.

Mine was the opposite. Wanted to go to the beach on her own all day . I spent the whole holiday trying to keep her in sight. She was 12!

Omg op I could've written your post word for word. My dp and I have had the EXACT same conversation all week! I'm in menorca with my 2 dc 16 & 14. Paid a fortune for our own villa....the dc have just wanted to sit looking at their screens. I've had to get them to join in under duress, it's makes me feel shit, sad and angry all in one.

I don't live with dp so effectively a single Mum and have saved hard for this holiday. No way will I bring them on another beach holiday again. Their father can have them next year

Can you remove their phones for say 3 hours every afternoon or late afternoon so you can all go out together and do something nice?

Just an idea!

Another one here who could have written your post word for word!
We’re just back from a long weekend away with DS15 and DS13. Neither of them wanted to go in the first place. DS15 finally realised there was nothing he could do to change it and lightened his mood but still didn’t get off his bloody phone. DS13 was a nightmare, didn’t want to do anything, complained about every single thing I dragged him out to do (beach, trampoline park, crazy golf to make a few) once there and doing the activities he was fine and enjoyed them but he moaned all the way there. Then moaned on the last day because we didn’t leave early enough in his opinion! He was rude and bad tempered and now I’m sitting here wondering where I went wrong with him

He was rude and bad tempered and now I’m sitting here wondering where I went wrong with him
Nowhere. The appreciation will come when they're adults. Now I guess just grind your teeth and try to not give in to provocation.
I remember myself that age and I was also no longer amused by family trips. Away from my friends, away from tv, away from videogames - and then parents moaning that i don't jump from joy.
Now the same is with DS1. At least, I find unlimited wifi to be a blessing. At least reduces the sulking.

Same. Sitting in the airport waiting to go home with my two dd's 12 and 13.
Had so looked forward to our holiday but haven't had a moment all week that they have both been happy at the same time, except for about an hour where we went for a sea swim and they both cheered up simultaneously. It's therefore felt like very hard work.
Dd1 claimed she was bored but when offered any of the many activities on offer refused to get off her sun lounger. She's had a face in at least 75% of the time. Dd2 wanted to do some of the stuff but wouldn't without dd1, so got cross with her and took it out on me.
I paid lots for the holiday and I'm seriously thinking I won't do it again until they can behave a bit better :(
Its made me miss when they were little and they just loved being in the pool and just being away. They were demanding but in a different way then

I have decided this was my last year of taking them on a beach holiday. Dd will be 17 next summer & ds 15.5. They are already going to Dubai with my folks in Feb then ds on a Portugal trip. Any Summer holidays will be short city breaks where hey have to move off their arses.

It's easy to say remove their phones and it is easy. The not so easy part is the glum bored faces that makes me want to scream and bash their heads together. It makes me feel like a big fat shit parent 😭

I don’t think all teens are like this. We went away for a week with dd aged 16 and she did everything with us and was insanely bored when we were just relaxing back at the base! (And this was a week in Wales so not anything particularly exotic- we did a lot of mountain walking, beaches, castles, llama trekking!) I think if you’ve got teens who are glued to their phones I’d try saying we are doing xxx and just expecting them to do it with you. I feel sad for you if they’re just not keen though, it’s horrible feeling like you’re pulling them about.

Looks like there's a business opportunity for holiday operators to provide some sort of kennels for teenagers where they could stay plugged in to their screens and not spoil it for their families
because numerous amusements you throw at them are basically lost.

What I found hard though was menorca was scorching during the day. Beyond swimming, sitting in the shade sight seeing was out. After sun fall it was great, we went around the old towns & markets. Meal times were fun. I think for mine now pool/ beach holidays in boiling hot countries are out. My ds doesn't mix well so resorts aren't good plus mixing with the public is my idea of hell.

I fancy Amsterdam next year for a bit of culture. Luckily we have family in Zurich which is great fun for them

Me too, single parent on a UK holiday with DD13. Doesn’t want to do anything. Ok, the weather is changeable - so I bought her a full length wetsuit and half length board (no idea what that’s called) after she showed an interest on Sunday. Even that was too much trouble today. There is a castle where we are staying ... looks like I will be going alone later on.

She has spent most of the week reading and writing stories in her room 🤷🏻‍♀️ (Her screen time is limited by me).

I am fed up of trying to be honest. I reckon a week in Northumberland will have cost me £1400 for two of us in a nice cottage. I could have done something interesting on my own for that and let her stay with her dad for the week. Flipping joyless.

This is my first proper holiday alone with her (although ExH chose not to come with us twice last year), I didn’t expect to feel lonely and not have her company at all.

I have ds13 -moody and I can't do or say a thing right! Dd9 hormonal and/or grumpy on a morning. The holiday we're on is. a constant rollercoaster I've no idea from one moment to the next who's in a good mood or bad if I've done right or wrong. They ruined a holiday earlier in the year with their bickering. Dh of course can do no wrong! It's hard for a peri menopausal mum. I ask myself What On earth is the point and then vow never again! It's obviously my fault as I'm the main target!

My ds is 14 and I wouldn't even consider going away with him. I know he wouldn't co-operate. He is bad enough at home!

I'm sorry to hear that others are struggling too. However, I am glad it's not just me. We arrived home last night and I now agree with the idea of 1-2 nights away maximum.... City breaks maybe. I would say this beach holiday was 90% boredom, 5% frustration/guilt tripping and 5% pleasant company if I am being generous. Not planning a holiday for a long time.... And I love planning holidays. Good luck everyone.

B4 Hol: Long warning period with teens & negotiations to get their promises they will go on hols or pay me back the fares before I even book.

On hol: DH & I go out & do something fun in early morning without the night-owls (teens).
Reunite with the teens late morning, and suggest options for afternoon activities. They are free to say No or to make own suggestions which we would likely fund even if we don't want to do same activities.

Works for us.

.... but it's pretty frustrating they are so unreliable, we try not to plan more than 24 hours in advance, if that. Last night I did an activity which was great fun. There was a happy family in our group, I half mused how much fun I COULD have had with DC if they came with me... if they were reliable and wouldn't moan the whole time.

but they aren't like that. So I couldn't book ahead to guarantee their space (& not waste my money). They say they were happy doing what they did instead.

When did all this start with teenagers being 'bored' and insisting on being glued to their phones??? When I was a teenager, we used to go to Spain on holiday most years - I was much too busy mooning over various boys to ever be bored - and when I wasn't doing that, I was swimming, sunbathing and shopping! Great days!

Is there any option to go away with family or friends ? We've just been away with family and my 12 and 15 year olds spent the entire time in the pool with their cousins. Evenings were spent playing air hockey and basketball. It worked great!

DS 13 is very particular about what type of holiday he wants to go on willingly. He enjoyed New Zealand at Easter, but that involved a number of high octane ( and costly) activities with DH. Can't imagine what he'll be like at Tenerife this October but he has grudgingly agreed to go to the water park if we get fast passes.
I'm going to focus on trying to chill and just let him get on with it. We have taken friends before ( he is an only) but it's quite stressful being responsible for someone elses DC, not to mention expensive.

We never did the 2 weeks in the sun at one hotel with the kids, it was too long and boring for all of us. We did a few years of travelling around eg 3 days here 2 days somewhere else. Stops the boredom.

No chance of going with cousins here.

ssd I have never done that either. Our only package has been a neilsen holiday, ExH is taking DD on one of those at half term. I have booked an exodus trip to Morocco for Feb half term.

I am considering a sun holiday next summer though - I struggle to get her out of bed before 10:30. I could be swimming/relaxing somewhere warm - have never had a sunshine holiday before, ever.

Of course this could be as a result of being in a cottage that has cost me £975 for a week in the rain.