Teenagers on holiday

[orangeicecream]

I am a single parent on an abroad sunshine holiday with 3 teenagers or almost teens... Aged 12, 13 and 17. They are so boring..... They don't want to do anything except sit staring at their phones.... Don't want to go to the pool, beach, restaurant, bar, play cards or do any sporting activities.... Anything.... I remember holidays (pre-mobiles) being in the pool all day and trying to meet other teens..... Its all different and antisocial now. ... I'm left doing things on my own and wondering what was the point of spending money on this holiday.

So do I:
Remove the phones and force them to come out? AIBU... Accept the boredom is part of the teenage years? Don't take them on holiday again? Thought welcome :)

I think this thread shows how different they all are doesn’t it. Here DD accepts the screen time and app restriction but then disappears into books (she has read an average of five a week during the holidays) and writing stories. Reading etc. is fab but you can’t just do that and nothing else which is what I have here, both on holiday and at home.

It’s the not wanting to do anything else and the surly teenage attitude I struggle with.

On our one day at the beach so far she decided she wanted to read - all absolutely fine but not in view of the fact that I spent £100 on a wet suit and half board the day before.

To make it worse, because we are fairly remote I ordered it online and then spent a day at our cottage waiting in for the delivery which didn’t arrive until 6:15.

Sun is shining here today .... I am aiming to be at the beach by 10!

We holiday where there is no wifi, I wonder how the kids will cope when teens.

My sympathies

Teens are supposed to be asserting their independence, so I see their choice to sit in the shade on their phones as doing just that.

We have drawn up a contract of time we all agree is reasonable for screen use, I have a list of activities they are prepared to do, and we have a plan. We got there and teen14 immediately said she had changed her mind about the water skiing and in fact has no interest in some of the other agreed activities.

We went with tennis every day, shopping early evening in a small and safe village (they went on their own for an hour whilst we had dinner) and they went to the gym (a hit) we found cycling worked as you can't hold a screen doing that, and inflatable water rides.

It is very tiring keeping a teen happy on holiday, so relax, swap a phone for a kindle and a reading list and relax.

Go on hols with other families and their teens. I found mine were better behaved then.

I could have written most of your posts. Sadly, it’s the end of an era, a holiday is wasted on them.
I liked the long weekend idea, we might do that next year.

I have the opposite, mine want to come on holiday & will do anything planned but we want a few trips by ourselves too lol so feel guilty!!! They are 15 & 18 and don’t think they will ever stop wanting to come!!

I'm 42 now and my parents have some video footage from a trip to Cyprus when I was 15. In every clip I had my Walkman on (listening to new kids on the block) and barely spoke a word to them!! I try and remember they are teens but I still find it hurtful they'd rather look at a phone/ be sat in a bedroom than be with me. Expensive lesson learnt this year though!

My last holiday with teenage DS and his dad was ruined by them both arguing. DS was happy enough sitting by the pool on his phone then coming for dinner in the evening . He did come to explore the island a couple of times. His dad drank too much and was snappy with DS,and me, all holiday. They have both said they will not go on holiday with each other again ! Once a year DS and I go away with my older children and my grandchildren. DS does join in with our activities then but they are most happy just playing football together.

We are about to come home after eleven nights spent in three different locations. The first was a self catering beach holiday, the second a few nights in a hotel inland and finally a city break in the airport city.

I think we’re all keen to get home now; the teens have had FOMO at times, and it is as a previous poster said, a struggle to all be together for so long.

I definitely recommend moving between places to keep the interest up.
WiFi in rooms so they can have their screen time when chilling but when out and about phones are for photos only.
Ironically, staying in an apt a drive from the beach helped as we all ‘had’ to go out together every day; there was no drifting in and out of pool, beach etc so no choice as far as going out together was concerned.
City breaks are always a big hit with the kids. We combine a bit of culture with a few treats for them.
No longer than a week in each place; in fact a week is too long sometimes!

I remember being bored out of my mind on holiday as a teenager. All I wanted to do was to go to the bar.

I now have a 15 yr old and a 12 yr old, and we always do Eurocamp type holiday, usually with other families. Time is spent between the beach, pool and campsite, with a few trips around towns, with the odd waterpark. There's always someone to hang around with and, to be honest, the adults have so much fun, that the teenagers tend to gravitate towards us.

I find that most teens get on best with other people's parents, rather than their own anyway.

I had a holiday from hell with my dcs a few years ago for the same reasons, didn't want to do anything, sat in hotel reception using WiFi, bickering etc

So now I take them on busy holidays and they've been much better
We did Hong Kong last years (£1400 may half term flights & hotel)
This year we did NYC (£1600 may half term)

They were much better, plan stuff every day and they only looked at their phones at night and that was brief as they're so tired

Luckily I have a great boyfriend who takes me on sun and relax holidays

Reading all these stories Makes me wonder at which point did holidays change from it being the parents choices to the priority being all about what the kids/teens want to do.

When I was that age my parents made efforts to make sure we'd all have a good time (albeit usually camping in Devon!) but me and DB had no real input and were pretty much expected to fit in with plans. We certainly had no say on where we went as a family and were regularly reminded we were on a tight budget so not to constantly ask for things.

Now it seems as parents we are constantly striving to provide bigger, better, more. Holidays are planned purely around DCs expectations and as the most important priority. Some of the
breaks on here sound like holidays of a lifetime and yet DC are still rude, 'bored' and disengaged. It's just staggering.
Seems that Parents now are just expected to cough up and tolerate the inevitable poor, self-entitled behaviour.

Why on earth do we bother?? We are off on a beach hol soon and have listened to DS moan for the last 2 hours about how we are only going away for one week instead of 2 like his other friends
FFS this is his 3rd foreign trip this year

I would happily leave my teens at home but as much as they moan whilst we're away, they would be equally appalled at the idea of missing out.

30 years ago none of us wanted to go on holidays with our parents when we hit the teenage years - it was often in the UK staying somewhere a bit grotty close to a beach and was too cold to ever venture into the water beyond our knees but now we go somewhere interesting, exotic and warm and we eat fabulous food and see amazing things but they are still on a slightly different wavelength and body clock to us at the minute (rightly so), so it feels a bit harder than it should...we keep trying, mixing it up, learning by previous years, I think it's just an awkward age.

Holidays are stressful! I'm with my inlaws and my teen is not winding me up half as much as they are!😂😂

Glad it's not just me. Currently abroad with two selfish, miserable 14 yr olds who are doing their very best to ruin the holiday in their own special ways.

DC1 didn't want to come at all and is clearly doing their best to be as miserable as possible to prove that I should have left them at home with their dad.

DC2 is wanting to do things but with an attitude the size of Alaska.

I can't decide which is worse but I can't wait to get home and have declared I'll never take either of them away again.

We camp in France for our main holiday. Kids are 11 and 14. We disabled all apps on phone so they could use them for photos only. They spent all their time between the pool and lake on site and we did some sightseeing. Played lots of cards and were fortunate enough to have friends come and stay at the site for 5 days and all the kids are similar ages and get on really well. There was a small amount of complaining about the phone situation initially but we all hugely benefited from them not being glued to screens. We are both self employed so had to each use phones for work for a small amount of time daily. I appreciate teens want to be on insta constantly but I'm not going to be held ransom to it.

@hillbilly I hope your technique keeps working but it wouldn’t for mine and I’m a bit glad they have there own opinions however annoying I find them at times, I hope they will be confident enough in their opinions to live the life they want.

@summermadsession they definitely have their own opinions and I fully appreciate the importance of Instagram in my daughter's life. I also think that it's good to be able to take a step away from it. Fortunately it coincided with her phone screen breaking and getting progressively harder to use. Actually, I think her not being able to use her phone, freed her up to be more engaged and enjoy our holiday without the pressure of constantly having to post and keep up in social media 😀

There is hope!
DS1 is 18 and, a few years back, I could have been you.
I remember one particularly memorable Mark Warner holiday to Greece where he refused to leave his hotel room for the entire time - even bribing younger siblings to bring him food - while bitterly blaming me for ruining his life!
I’d only booked the bloody thing so he’d have teen stuff to do.
He’s now 18 and is completely different.
He still likes a bit of down time away from his (three much younger) siblings but joins in and enjoys most stuff that isn’t obviously for primary school DC.
He’s great company. Completely different from four years ago.
Hang on in there. Teens can be a just like bloody toddlers on holidays sometimes!

I also think that it's good to be able to take a step away from it. I agree but it has to be encouraged rather than enforced imo for everyone's benefit - my teens love to play cards on holidays or board games and don't do phones at the table but if I was to insist on a ban I think I'd meet a lot of resistance, I'm not sure the fall out would be much fun.

I agree - it's a balance. We don't ban phones on holiday, in fact we accept that the teens will be on them a fair bit, but we do expect no phones at meals (as we would at home) and joining in with the planned activities.