What do you do teen won’t give up confiscated devices?

[Davespecifico]

13 yr old DD roughed up her new school blazer (to make it look older) despite being told clearly not to and in doing so covered it in stains. I am not a tremendously strict parent, so just told her off, explained why her disobedience had disappointed me and asked her to look at the blazer so that I could potentially identify source of stains and clean it.

She was rude, refused to accept it was a problem to disobey and minimised re: the stains. I gave her a chance to rectify, she was stubborn, so I’ve confiscated her devices for 24 hours. It’s the only punishment that means anything to her. Nothing else would really bother her.

She has refused to hand over an iPad, and gone and hunted for her phone and probably found it. I refuse to manhandle her to get them and don’t want to get into an altercation. I have said that there will be further consequences if they’re not handed over.

So what do I do next? Do you have any tips for a similar situation? Thanks for reading.

Switch off the WiFi. Tell her to hand over devices or contract will be cancelled.

Ditto forkfun

Yup, switch off or cancel!

I up the time.

"If your phone and iPad (be specific) are not on charge in the kitchen at exactly 8.00pm, you they will be confiscated for an additional 24 hours for every 10 minutes thereafter"

Thanks forkfun.

... then just completely ignore the situation.

Give her chance to quietly return the devices without "losing face"

Is the blazer ruined? You could get her to hand it over or be liable for the cost of replacing/repairing/cleaning said blazer on top of the device ban?

Turn off WiFi.

Explain that she can either hand over devices now for 24 hours, each hour she keeps them adds another 24 hours onto the ban. So if she holds onto them till 10pm it's 1 day + 2 hours holding time = 3 days with no devices.

Stay calm.

Download "OurPact" on her devices. When she pisses you off you can switch off her internet in seconds via your phone. I love it. My boys hate it. It works wonders if they're out with their mates and refuse to answer the phone too. They soon call when they realise they can't get on social media!

Thanks all. Blazer isn’t ruined. I think stains weren’t a deliberate part of the roughing up, just carelessness. They look chalky.

Our pact sounds a brilliant idea. I will look it up.

1 Wifi off and change password.
2 Up the time of confiscation
3 Threaten with cancelling the contract if it is financially possible
4 cancel contract

Switching off the Wifi won't mean she can't use her phone; she can use the 4G. If she's clever she will know how it pair her iPad with her iPhone and stream the 4G from it.

OurPact sounds brilliant.

You can also set up parental controls so you can completely block her devices from your phone whenever you like, assuming you have Apple devices that is.

Tell her if she doesn’t hand them over you will not longer pay for contract/monthly sim.

Do you have find my phone on the iPad/phone(if it’s an iPhone)? If you know her Apple ID details you can lock the devices.

Can I jump on to ask if Our Pact works well on iPhone/iPad - I am trialling ScreenTime Labs and it doesn’t.

I am so fed up with my 13 year old disrespecting my screen time rules that I have bought her a basic Nokia phone from Argos today. She will need to earn her tech back!

OurPact is great. Any cheek from DD and her iPad gets locked 👌

I would lose my shit and probably cancel her phone contract to be honest. I find if you come down on then like a crazy witch from the getgo it’s a lot easier in the long run.

In terms of the blazer, will she get into trouble at school for how it looks? If she will I would not remove stains but just let her deal with the consequences.

I also agree with cancelling her phone contract. But I would warn her I would do that and give her another chance to hand over the phone. Only threaten this though if you will actually cancel it.

You're too soft OP. I would have gone balistic if one of my kids had ruined a new school blazer. Then you compounded the issue by not being tough (again) by not getting her iPad & phone straightaway. What's all this "I didnt want to manhandle her" nonsense. She knows you are far too soft & knows you wont take them off her.

Also, by turning off the wifi in the house just disrupts others (you or other siblings) who are innocent bystanders in all this. Why should they be punished by young without the wifi for a day...?

Take the chargers. Situation will rectify itself with 2 to 4 hours.

Is she being picked on by anyone on how her blazer looks? Just as an aside to PPs (which is all brilliant advice that I’m going to store for future reference)

Get hold of the charger and turn off the WiFi in the mean time.

Last chance and then contracts cancelled. I really wouldn't tolerate a 13 year old not handing over confiscated items when asked.

I'd get Our Pact on her devices, their face when you switch everything off is priceless!

My DD (12) hates it so follows the rules ... usually.