Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD brought back random boy.

69 replies

katerose20192 · 27/04/2019 20:16

So, I don’t really know what to do.

DD is in her first year at uni. She’s been back for Easter and went out last night with friends from home.

I heard her come in at 4:30 and she was super loud talking to somebody. At the time I asssumed she must have been on the phone, she sounded slightly tipsy, which is understandable given she’d been out since 7. She continued talking for a while but I decided to leave her as to be honest I didn’t want to see her drunken state!!

This morning, I took younger DS to school and when I came back I went to see her and check she was ok... she wasn’t in her room and her car had gone I assume (on reflection) she must have been taking ONS home.

Anyway I then went into her room to empty her bin and generally tidy up as it was a mess, I found used condoms and some men’s socks.

I haven’t said anything yet but I don’t really know how to approach it. What would you do?

OP posts:
Moominfan · 27/04/2019 20:16

Approach what she's an adult.

Littlepond · 27/04/2019 20:19

I wouldn’t do anything! Be happy she used condoms!

C0untDucku1a · 27/04/2019 20:19

Id tell her off for being loud and waking me up.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/04/2019 20:19

With younger children in the house the OP has a right not to have strange men invited in.

pallisers · 27/04/2019 20:19

Approach what she's an adult.

Does that mean she can bring any random stranger into the house overnight? It wouldn't in my house.

Original poster
katerose20192 · 27/04/2019 20:20

I realise she’s an adult and I don’t necessarily have an issue with the ONS it’s just I have other DC and I need to make sure she’s ok. Would you just not say anything?

OP posts:
CheekyWeeGobshite · 27/04/2019 20:20

I'd say that she can do what she likes when she's at university, but that it's not appropriate for her to bring someone back without checking with you first. And that you didn't appreciate her waking you up. Doesn't seem like a massive deal to me though tbh. I wouldn't be cleaning my adult kid's bedroom though, that's doormat behaviour.

SansasSnatch · 27/04/2019 20:20

I’d me more concerned she would be over the drink drive limit!

IdaBWells · 27/04/2019 20:21

I definitely would have a chat. Be clear about what you are comfortable with. If you don't want her bringing home randoms say so.

Shockers · 27/04/2019 20:22

I think I’d be more worried about her driving the morning after she’d been drinking. But yes, bringing a random man into your home isn’t ideal... unless she knew him?

Original poster
katerose20192 · 27/04/2019 20:22

We’ve never had the conversation about boys staying over. I know she can do this freely at uni but I do think it’s different in my house. I just don’t know how I feel about it I’m trying to be understanding but she is my little girl and just wanted to see what others do.

OP posts:
danicohn · 27/04/2019 20:23

She may have known him, you might not have. Be more worried about the drink driving...

Original poster
katerose20192 · 27/04/2019 20:23

I agree am also concerned about the driving. Will definitely be bringing that up.

OP posts:
Cheekyfeckery · 27/04/2019 20:24

I wouldn’t be happy with the lack of consideration and bringing a (presumably) stranger into my home. Particularly with younger children there.

I have older teens and they can have girlfriends to stay but not random girls.

AssassinatedBeauty · 27/04/2019 20:25

If you haven't already, then I would agree with her some house rules for her as an adult staying at your house. That's all it needs, no big deal.

But, it's probably more important to talk to her about drink driving the morning after a heavy drinking session.

Original poster
katerose20192 · 27/04/2019 20:25

Yes my older DS has his girlfriend to stay but that’s been agreed and everyone knows about it.

OP posts:
Newnyham · 27/04/2019 20:26

I don’t think you should mention the condoms and the socks. It’ll probably get her back up.

It’s more of a conversation about whether you want strangers in your house. It’s difficult because on one hand if she is having ONS then she’s probably safer in your house on her own turf. Alternatively you could set a rule that you aren’t okay with her being people back in which case she’ll probably just go the the ONS’s house instead.

Atleast she got him out of the house pretty quickly, and that your younger DC was non the wiser?

cliquewhyohwhy · 27/04/2019 20:26

School on a Saturday? Communicate with her as an adult and ask her to respect there are younger siblings in the house and could she let you know if she plans on bringing guests around.

Original poster
katerose20192 · 27/04/2019 20:33

They have sports on a Saturday morning 😢 I think I’ll just have a grown up conversation with the general of being safe. I don’t want her to be embarrassed or feel like I’m judging her but equally I don’t want random people in my house. That isn’t unreasonable is it?

I don’t know whether to allow ONS’s? Is that bad as a parent to condone casual sex?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/04/2019 20:33

If you're not comfortable with her bringing random men home, tell her. I certainly wouldn't allow it. This is your home, you make the rules.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/04/2019 20:34

You can't prevent her from having one night stands when she's at uni, but you certainly can when she's staying in your home.

Honeydukes92 · 27/04/2019 20:35

I’m mid twenties now and grew up with a lovely supportive mother who is still my best friend...and would have absoloutley ripped me apart for this!

Absoloutley unacceptable behaviour under your roof

Original poster
katerose20192 · 27/04/2019 20:36

It’s just very out of character for her (or so I thought) so I’m worried.

OP posts:
Original poster
katerose20192 · 27/04/2019 20:39

I know my DH/ her DD would be very annoyed/upset with her but he’s away on business at the moment and I think that’s partially why she might have thought it would be okay.

That’s another conflict I’m not sure whether to tell him as he’s a lot more traditional than me and it would cause an issue.

OP posts:
Graphista · 27/04/2019 20:43

Totally unacceptable behaviour.

With yourself and younger siblings in the house careless and thoughtless.

And yes to also discussing with her waking others and drink driving (I think it highly unlikely she wasn't over limit).