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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD brought back random boy.

69 replies

katerose20192 · 27/04/2019 20:16

So, I don’t really know what to do.

DD is in her first year at uni. She’s been back for Easter and went out last night with friends from home.

I heard her come in at 4:30 and she was super loud talking to somebody. At the time I asssumed she must have been on the phone, she sounded slightly tipsy, which is understandable given she’d been out since 7. She continued talking for a while but I decided to leave her as to be honest I didn’t want to see her drunken state!!

This morning, I took younger DS to school and when I came back I went to see her and check she was ok... she wasn’t in her room and her car had gone I assume (on reflection) she must have been taking ONS home.

Anyway I then went into her room to empty her bin and generally tidy up as it was a mess, I found used condoms and some men’s socks.

I haven’t said anything yet but I don’t really know how to approach it. What would you do?

OP posts:
PepsiLola · 27/04/2019 20:46

I would have a word.

My word would be that I wasn't happy to be woken or have strangers in my house with children.

I wouldn't be arsed about an adult having sex, but I wouldn't have random people in my house with children at all.

Also she's taking you for a mug by doing it when her dad is away so I would tell dad

Cafelatte2go · 27/04/2019 20:48

Not ok at all... if she wants to get her own place and do this than that's up to her. It's not ok to do this at your parents house FFS.

LIZS · 27/04/2019 20:48

Why are you so sure it was a ons?

Cafelatte2go · 27/04/2019 20:50

Why would it matter if it's a ONS or not? It's the parents house- they have a right to know who is coming into it. What if money or valuables went missing?

Fairylea · 27/04/2019 20:52

I would not be happy with this. I have a 16 year old dd and she knows I will not have boyfriends / ons etc staying over. Ever. My house is my space, I do not want to wake up and find some man in my house. I think that is perfectly reasonable - they have university to do this stuff and their own houses in time! I also have a 6 year old with autism to think about and they would not cope with it either. I know that’s irrelevant to your own situation but I think so often on mumsnet the line is that it’s the teens home too etc etc and I think it’s actually okay to just say no.

My mum was very laid back with me and I used to bring lads home aged 18/19 and it didn’t do me any favours to be honest. It made it too easy for me and I ended up in some really unsuitable situations and with people I shouldn’t have really.

I would also be very / equally concerned about the driving.

BlueBuilding · 27/04/2019 20:53

People on here are weird. Since when is bringing random shags home to your parents home been acceptable? Especially with young children in the house.

Imagine getting up in the night to find a strange man in your house! Surely she could have atleast sent you a text?

MsLayla · 27/04/2019 20:54

Just leave it.
She's at uni and an adult.
She had sex and (thankfully) used protection.

If it becomes more of a regular thing then have a word. At this stage making a big deal of it could backfire.

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 27/04/2019 20:57

If you're not comfortable with strangers in your house that's fair enough. Just have the convo with her. Condoning ONS .... if you do you do. Casual sex is quite common place and if she's being safe she's an adult it's up to her.

99calmbeforethestorm · 27/04/2019 20:57

I don’t have a teenager. I would say you need to treat each other as adults so no random people in my house but also stay out of her bedroom.

RomanyQueen1 · 27/04/2019 21:00

Adult or not I'd have gone mad if any of mine had done that.
Do wtf they want in their own home, but I have standards in my home.

LIZS · 27/04/2019 21:02

You have the right for her respect your home though.

BettyDuMonde · 27/04/2019 21:04

You took younger DS to school on a SATURDAY?

ssd · 27/04/2019 21:05

Absolutely no way, totally disrespecting your house

FrenchSchnoodle · 27/04/2019 21:06

Betty rtft

The op explained why. Besides lots of kids have Saturday school.

Lollypop701 · 27/04/2019 21:06

Your house, your rules whatever they may be. Personally I’m ok with partners but would not be ok with randoms. Tell her what you expect

rosedream · 27/04/2019 21:12

Long term relationship sleepover - fine.

No one nightstands.

That's our house rules. She can do as she pleases in her halls.

Surprisedmom · 27/04/2019 21:13

To be fair you don’t know it’s a one night stand, it’s entireky possible a lad from uni she’s hooking up with/dating or whatever lives locally and is also home for the holidays. Not that I personally think ONS are a problem, but i’m just saying that conclusion of yours could be wrong.

Rosieposy4 · 27/04/2019 21:13

I have several that sort of age and have a complete rule about no one staying overnight unless I have met them first.
Clearly several pp would think that makes me overbearing on other adults but I am not prepared to have randomers/ons under my roof.
Introduced gf/bf/ friends all fine.
It’s a security risk apart from anything, and when one breached it the older two gave them more of a hard time than me, most will not see it as an unreasonable requirement. ( and yes they can do what they like in their in homes/ at uni, though there they probably have to accept restrictions by housemates)

BettyDuMonde · 27/04/2019 21:15

schnoodle Sports club isn’t school (even if it’s based on school premises). The only reason Saturday school exists in my world is for super detention. Tutoring on Saturdays doesn’t count either.

My DS is the same age - OP - if you haven’t explicitly set any rules about overnight guests, you can’t complain.

Set rules moving forward.

SpeedyBojangles · 27/04/2019 21:18

I'd be more concerned about her driving in the morning after still being drunk at 4.30am. I'd honestly address that issue first.

As for bringing someone home, it is your house, your rules. Yes she is an adult but you don't have to accept her brining randomers into your house. However, you don't know who it was or what happened yet so just speak to her first.

IncrediblySadToo · 27/04/2019 21:21

Saturday school exists in my world is for super detention

There’s a whole world outside of your little world. Who knew hey!

GeorgeTheFirst · 27/04/2019 21:21

I have two university age sons. Girlfriends staying over when I'm asked first and they've been together a few months - fine. One night stands - I would go ballistic.

Confuzzlediddled · 27/04/2019 21:23

@BettyDuMonde my twins were at school today, for gcse revision. Normal state school, so not that unusual, especially at this time of year!

Shelbybear · 27/04/2019 21:23

I would be fuming with that. Only good part is that she used a condom.

I would be telling her that under no circumstances will she be bringing back a random guy to have sex with in our home. I'd be furious she thought she cld her away with it!

If she has a boyfriend that stays over, that is different and I wouldn't mind that as much.

IncrediblySadToo · 27/04/2019 21:25

I’d definitely be having a word.

I’d ask who he was, why she thought that it was acceptable to bring him in the house and why she thought talking that loudly and waking people up was acceptable...AND WTAF she was doing driving this morning?!

Grrrr

Kids don’t want to hear their parents having sex, parents don’t want to hear their kids having sex. It’s grim.