lonely boy !

[bitchyfanny]

im feeling so sad for my son, hes 12, he has a great sense of humour, is very loud, cant keep quiet in class, shows off, does silly things that his mates tell him to do, at the moment no one is talking to him, all because of 1 particular boy, they were very good mates, but the other boy keeps turning all his other friends against him, my son isnt a fighter and he cant talk his way out of things, he really isnt a nasty child, just silly. we moved to this nicer area to give the kids a better start, but i think kids are kids where ever you go, i just dont know what to do for him now. i saw the other boys parents, the boy said "oh we should just be mates, come on lets shake hands" next day he told everyone he only did it to get rid of us!! how can someone elses kid make me feel so miserable, how can i get my kid to have friends who are decent? thanks

I think you have to take a step back, and let your ds find his own way. You can discuss with him what he might do, or not do, in any given social situation (if he initiates the discussion) but you can't do it for him. Only give advice if he asks for it.

If it's happening in school you should have a word with the teacher.
Maybe joining some new activities would be a good idea, as your son would meet new people and maybe make friends seperate from this boy and the gang.
A wide variety of activities means that kids usually meet a very wide range of "types", some sporty, some extroverts, some quiet, etc., and he may find his own gang. Drama may be worth trying for your son, as being a bit loud is an advantage, and a sense of humour and being willing to show off a bit are essential. ( I speak from experience, as it's where my ds fits in best!)

You say you moved to a new area to give them a fresh start - has this sort of thing happened before?

oh no, let me explain, we used to live in a rough part of london, i wanted my kids to be safe, thats why we moved away. funny you should say that, potoftea, but the secondary school i chose for him has an emphasis on drama, he is a good actor. i took him to the doctor a while back and they have referred him to camhs, i suspect he has aspergers, i often have people ask if he has adhd, because hes always so full of life, but like i say he isnt a nasty child, he seems to be on a different level to others, some things go straight over his head and he aint bothered, i could sit down and explain something serious to him, something that will help him, he would be more interested in watching the tv or he would pretend he was taking it in, you could ask him 2 mins later about what was said and he would have forgot. so despite him having a good sense of humour, i suppose when hes with his mates he must get a bit serious, but he just needs to learn when to keep his mouth shut. as for activities, we paid for him to do karate, 1 lesson, he doesnt like it, he does cricket, footie and basketball at school, but its not every day or even every week, he loves sport, he needs to be doing something every day.

No child can listen to what Mum says and watch tv at the same time. It has to be one or the other.