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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Phones allowed overnight on sleepovers

97 replies

hillbilly · 01/04/2019 17:33

We don't allow DD to have her phone in her room overnight and also ask her friends who come to stay if they would kindly leave their phones to charge in the kitchen. Is this unreasonable? She says I'm the only parent to do this and she doesn't want friends to stay over because of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
hillbilly · 01/04/2019 20:32

I would expect my DD to wake me, not the I'll child obv

OP posts:
Original poster
hillbilly · 01/04/2019 20:34

I can see both sides of the argument and have lots to think about. Thank you all, lovely mumsnetters 😀

OP posts:
ooooohbetty · 01/04/2019 20:36

You're not being unreasonable. No reason why children can't spend one night away from parents without needing contact. Your house, your rules.

Andrea1234567 · 01/04/2019 20:37

@ooooohbetty But their (or their parents) phone, their rules...

clarrylove · 01/04/2019 20:39

We don't allow it, our house, our rules.

ooooohbetty · 01/04/2019 20:52

@Andrea1234567 whilst in their house.

WatchingFromTheSidelines · 01/04/2019 20:59

I think some parents forget what it’s like to be a teenager Sad.

This could impact your DD’s friendships OP - something incredibly important at this age. Is your stance that important to you that you would risk this?

I have DDs. They, and I, would have thought this was very strange, controlling behaviour. Please listen to your DD.

Andrea1234567 · 01/04/2019 21:08

To all people saying your house your rules,

If you imagine a friend of DC bringing a wallet into your house in a bag, it's obviously their money their rules, but when they're in your house, it's up to you where the bag is put and how it's used? It makes zero sense and seems controlling

GreenEggsHamandChips · 01/04/2019 21:10

We don't allow it, our house, our rules.

But its the OPs friends who are voting with their feet. Sometimes you need to compromise. Show a bit of trust to get a bit of trust back.

mathanxiety · 01/04/2019 21:12

Yes YABU.

You can ask your DD to follow your rules in your house and ask her to remember what you would like her to do when away.

When other teens are staying with you their parents might feel quite anxious that their children wouldn't be able to get in touch with them because their phones were charging elsewhere.

You need to respect the judgement of the other parents wrt their own children and phones.

Cushellekoala · 01/04/2019 21:18

Dd has been on 3 residential school trips where phones were not allowed. In the cases mentioned (panic attack, feeling ill, feeling worried/homesick) they had to find a teacher who made the decision whether to call home. Dd was given the choice to call me as she was homesick and she chose not to as she thought speaking with me would make it worse.

mathanxiety · 01/04/2019 21:18

Why don't you make them play Scrabble with you all evening and then give them their phones for the night?

Original poster
hillbilly · 01/04/2019 22:05

Mathanxiety great idea 😂😂😂

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, and I know there are circumstances where ease of contact is vital, but when did there become so much parent/child anxiety about not being instantly contactable for a night or even just s few hours?

OP posts:
GreenEggsHamandChips · 01/04/2019 22:06

When contact generally became instant

Flippant74 · 01/04/2019 22:11

My Daughters phone is taken from her between 10.30 - 11.00pm when she is home alone (usually by midnight on a weekend).
If she is having a sleepover with her friends, then she keeps her phone as do her friends. They are all on them all night snap-chatting and face-timing others friends having sleepovers elsewhere.
I'm not a fan but to be honest but do let it ride.
I just use the fact that she's been awake really late (often 3am or later!) on the saturday to take the phone earlier on the Sunday night!

MNSDKHheroines · 03/04/2019 22:23

YANBU I used to do this when DS was younger. We have a household rule of no phones in bedrooms. All just go in the kitchen to charge. I reckoned the risk of a group of young boys taking silly photos & posting online was greater than anyone feeling they couldn't retrieve their phone from the kitchen if they needed it..His friends then are still his friends now & the fact it was never an issue made me think their parents also didn't like phones in children's bedrooms.

Mysteryfairy Surely picking up your child at 3am distrurbed the parents anyway? I wouldn't want to wake up & find a child had disappeared overnight from our home!

daffodilbrain · 09/04/2019 01:14

YABU it's not your property. In this day and age very embarrassing. I'd say

breadzeb · 09/04/2019 01:16

when did there become so much parent/child anxiety about not being instantly contactable for a night or even just s few hours?

It's always been there. Those kids just didn't go places and have sleepovers back then.

GreenEggsHamandChips · 09/04/2019 09:42

Enforced contact with emotionally abusive shit dads

billsnewhat · 12/04/2019 21:49

My Dd went to a sleepover last weekend and i had a text asking if i minded phones going at 11pm. TBH I was a little bit shocked at first as the last sleep over my dd went to her frend and her friends sister came down with a sickness bug and she texted me at 4am wanting to come home. However I agreed as the other parents had and my Dd said it was the best sleepover she has been to in a long time as there was no what's apping boys and they talked all night instead of messingnon their phones and posting lives on insta of not much.

ShesABelter · 12/04/2019 21:50

Yeah it's unreasonable when having a sleepover.

SE13Mummy · 28/04/2019 00:55

DD1 is 14 and, as the rule in our home is that phones aren't in bedrooms overnight, that is what happens at sleepovers too. Friends' phones can be put on the landing just outside DD's room or plugged in to charge somewhere. It's not about preventing them from phoning their parents, it's about being able to relax with friends without being interrupted by notifications, photographed and put on an Instagram story whilst asleep and about being able to just hang out with each other. DD isn't a fan of the phones outside bedrooms rule but her friends and their parents know about it and are happy about it. The giggling and chatting we hear from her room once the phones are outside is lovely to hear - there's not nearly so much laughter whilst they still have phones in with them.

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