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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Phones allowed overnight on sleepovers

97 replies

hillbilly · 01/04/2019 17:33

We don't allow DD to have her phone in her room overnight and also ask her friends who come to stay if they would kindly leave their phones to charge in the kitchen. Is this unreasonable? She says I'm the only parent to do this and she doesn't want friends to stay over because of it.

OP posts:
multiplemum3 · 01/04/2019 19:13

I wouldn't be happy if an adult decided to limit access to my childs phone.

Sparklingbrook · 01/04/2019 19:15

I just think sleepovers are a time for rules to not be strictly adhered to. They are for doing stuff you wouldn't usually do.

'Come for a sleepover but it's no phones and lights out at 11pm' doesn't sound that inviting IMO.

Livedandlearned · 01/04/2019 19:17

My ds was at a sleepover for a friend's 11th birthday. At 8pm the friend's dad announced it was bedtime and they were all to hand in their phones.

Not a fun sleepover really Grin

NChangeitup1 · 01/04/2019 19:18

Grin do teenagers still know how to actually talk nowadays?

Got a long while before mobiles and sleepovers with my little one so never had to really think about it much and only ever thought about it in relation to what I was allowed as a teen.
I can definitely see where you are coming from though and would think it would be fair if you were to speak to the other parents, I'm sure if they were given the option/heads up they wouldn't mind!

Sparklingbrook · 01/04/2019 19:18

lived I would have politely requested my phone back and rung you for a lift home at that point if I was your DS. Grin

Busy77 · 01/04/2019 19:19

What do you think happened before everyone had a phone! I'm with you on taking them away, it's not going to kill them...

PineapplePatty · 01/04/2019 19:20

Very unreasonable of you.

Original poster
hillbilly · 01/04/2019 19:20

Multiplemum I have not said or done that. No phones are stolen, hidden and any agreement re phones going into another room would have been discussed with a parent beforehand.

OP posts:
Original poster
hillbilly · 01/04/2019 19:22

Sparklingbrook - point taken 😀

OP posts:
Cushellekoala · 01/04/2019 19:23

....so is the general theory that they cant have fun or they are immediately going to bed if they dont have a phone?

multiplemum3 · 01/04/2019 19:24

But you are saying youre going to get the kids to leave them in another room at a certain time. I'd understand if they were blaring music out of it or being loud but you can't decide this beforehand for absolutely no reason. It's a sleepover not homework club chill out a bit.

Original poster
hillbilly · 01/04/2019 19:26

Exactly Cushelle! I'm really happy for them to have phones for the majority of the evening. Just not all night.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 01/04/2019 19:28

Mine used to have lots of sleepovers when they where younger. All friends had their phones so that parents could contact them to check everything was okay.

I think that whatever I usually do is second to friends and their parents free to communicate.

Haffdonga · 01/04/2019 19:39

But why?

If it's not to do with safety and it's not to do with sleep?

(I would agree that not having a phone on at night is good practice normally. But a sleepover is not the norm.)

whiteroseredrose · 01/04/2019 19:49

Ha! I was going to say what hafdonga said. I don't understand why you want to take the phones unless it's to make a point. (But I've never had to police DD's phone use either).

DD has had sleepovers for years and I've never done that. Whenever I've popped in they've been playing daft games or faffing with make up. Sounds like you're making a problem where there doesn't need to be one.

Ginger1982 · 01/04/2019 19:59

What did we all do at sleepovers before mobile phones?? How did we all keep in touch with our parents before mobile phones??

lovabug · 01/04/2019 20:03

I wouldn't be happy if an adult decided to limit access to my childs phone..*

Really? You think a child is the right person to make the choice about their phone access?

As a parent hosting a sleepover, your responsibility is the safety of your child and the guests. What if one of the children suggested accessing inappropriate material during the night while the adult was sleeping - what if some of the children were upset by something they saw or messages that were sent or received during the night?
Who would be responsible for something like this?

I expect we all went to sleepovers without being attached to a mobile phone and managed to have fun?!

Sparklingbrook · 01/04/2019 20:05

My DSs would just game all night on a sleepover come to think of it. Not sure how much phones were involved.

Thirtyysomething · 01/04/2019 20:08

My daughter went to a sleepover and phones were taken away. One girl had a panic attack because she had trouble sleeping and couldn’t call her mum ... ended up waking up the whole house at 1am and parents called (not happy) and she was taken home.

That said, I think as long as children are pre-warned and parents are also told so issues like this can be cleared then I don’t mind her having her phone taken away.

My daughter is 14 and this is the only house she’s had her phone taken away at night. I don’t take phones at my house.

mysteryfairy · 01/04/2019 20:13

I would be unimpressed. DD has rung me from sleepovers for illness reasons e.g. I once did a 3am pick up because she had come down with a vomiting bug. She would have been embarrassed to have to disturb the parents/retrieve her phone.

There was a thread on here recently where a DD was messaging her mum regarding her reluctance to fall in with a plan to watch some grim film - think Saw or Hostel - and getting support/advice on what to do.

Yes, we did manage before phones, but now they are part of life a sleepover is exactly the sort of scenario where I want my DD to be free to contact me for any reason.

DailyMailSucksWails · 01/04/2019 20:14

I expect mine to sleep. Because they are nicer in the morning, they don't keep rest of us up all night, and I don't like them getting on wrong hours.

My initial reaction was horror but actually I think OP is fine to do this. Just make it clear to the girls ahead of time. I also insist on them turning out the lights & being too quiet for anyone to hear them outside the sleep-room. Oh, and remind them to bring toothbrushes. Always forget.

GreenEggsHamandChips · 01/04/2019 20:15

Really? You think a child is the right person to make the choice about their phone access?

I dont necessarily think another adult is the right person to make that for my child either

How did we all keep in touch with our parents before mobile phones??
Not many of my friends parents were divorced either. Not many had such emotionally abusive parents that deliberately restricting a very young childs access to their mum was the norm. Having access to a mobile phone become an important coping strategy of dealing with the aftermath after he exited their life. Now i wouldnt necessarily want to explain all that to a friends parent, there would be no need. But restricting access to the phone would be enough to make DD back out if. Shelf in the room fine. Kitchen no.

Obviously your house your rules, but that might well put some kids off a sleepover

singingismypassion · 01/04/2019 20:15

My Dd is 13. I wouldn't dream of taking her phone let alone another child's phone away from them.
We have never had a problem with DD over using her phone, looking at anything inappropriate or using is late at night. Kids need to learn for themselves. In fact she reads books, chats and plays games much more than used her phone.
Anyway, it's very useful to text her if I want a cup of tea in bed!!

GreenEggsHamandChips · 01/04/2019 20:16

There was a thread on here recently where a DD was messaging her mum regarding her reluctance to fall in with a plan to watch some grim film - think Saw or Hostel - and getting support/advice on what to do.

Yy i can see DD doing this as well.

Original poster
hillbilly · 01/04/2019 20:32

Mysteryfairy- as the host of a sleepover and being responsible for all the children under my roof at that time, I would definitely expect to be woken if there was an illness, and take a child home if necessary.

OP posts:
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