Phones allowed overnight on sleepovers

[hillbilly]

We don't allow DD to have her phone in her room overnight and also ask her friends who come to stay if they would kindly leave their phones to charge in the kitchen. Is this unreasonable? She says I'm the only parent to do this and she doesn't want friends to stay over because of it.

I wonder if OP is listening at all...

YANBU op, when my DD 12 has a sleepover here we take all phones at 11pm, and put them in the kitchen with ours.

Why is it safe for them to have them before 11 but not after?

As mine are 19 and 17 now it seems I missed out on the option to do this.
I take my phone up to bed as does DH. Everyone I know does the same.

I have never taken phones off my 2 at all so personally think it is unreasonable.
Also it's a sleepover so surely rules should be more relaxed anyway?

Unreasonable I think

Dads 11&13 are often up all night on their phones during sleepovers which is fine! They’re just having fun, which is what I want them to have when they stay. Tho I’m quite relaxed and don’t even give a sleep time, as long as I sleep through they can pull an all nighter as far as I’m concerned

Hi sorry forgot to mention she is 13. I would not insist that a guest handed over phone and would have a chat with their parent beforehand anyway. I think last time (it was her cousin so we had prior arrangement with parents) phones went in kitchen at 11pm.

Why the kitchen? Surely they can just go and get them back?

Yes they could go back and get them you're right. I'm not hiding them - just asking that they don't have them in the bedroom after a certain time. Last time with cousin it was 11 as they both had to be up for something in the morning.

Sparklingbrook I am genuinely asking for opinions and will take it all on board 😀

I am having to cast my mind back a bit hillbilly as mine are older.

As I remember the sleepovers of the early teens they involved no sleep whatsoever, and certainly no arrangements for getting up the next day and being anywhere. But then the phones my two had at that time would be different to the ones they have now too in terms of what they could do.

Even without phones they could be up chatting, eating and messing about until the early hours.

Greeneggs- it's not a safety concern before or after 11.

DD would usually put phone in charge elsewhere at 9.30 on weekdays so I figure 11 (or later if no morning commitments) IS being more relaxed 😉

You do realise that the whole point of a sleepover is to not go to sleep, don't you? And to have fun obvs.

Heratnumber7 🤣🤣🤣

Yes the term 'sleepover' is a bit misleading, basically it's staying up all night doing anything but sleep in my experience. Otherwise what's the point?

I know people who do this, but I don't understand why the night time is suddenly more risky/dangerous than day time for having phones, obviously I get it if they have school the next day and aren't getting enough sleep but it's a sleep over so no school the next day and generally expected that they will be trying to stay up as late as possible

Nchange - I have said it's nothing to do with safety.

8 girls in ds1's class had a sleepover party a few weeks ago. Ds1 had 48 missed calls the next morning and over 50 selfies. There were a few hundred WhatsApp messages as well.

All just silly, nothing inappropriate-i check his phone. They are all 10/11!

Not helpful to your situation I know, but they really must have spent the entire night on their phones, at least until 4 am!

I guess for me its healthier to have some tech free time. In the same vein i wouldnt allow unlimited access to sweets/fizzy drinks/chocolate.
I still hear my DD and friends in the early hours and they are usually pretty zombified so i havent completely taken away their ability to stay up all night/nearly all night.

I have no problem with them staying awake for as long as they like although we live in a flat so some consideration has to be given to the rest of us re noise.

What is your reasoning for taking them off of them? Genuinely interested as it's just not something I've ever considered other than the not sleeping and school the next day etc..

We did this hillbilly.
Dd is 16 now and doesn't have her phone at night. We used to ask guests to leave phones outside the bedroom at night (same as dd) until around age 14. They had access to it, should they need it, but I wasn't comfortable with the thought of silly behaviour on the phone late at night.
Now dd is 16, we just turn the WiFi off when we go to bed.
If your house rule is no phones in rooms at night, then that should be respected by guests too.

YADNBU. We have a “no phones in the bedroom’ rule and I would not make an exception for anyone. I would let parents know this in advance and allow the child guests to put their phone somewhere they can access if nec in a shared downstairs room - where it can also charge. If there is an emergency their parents can call it or the house phone. If there is an issue about trusting the child is safe I think that has to come down to knowing the parents of where your child goes without you, and requesting that they can phone you from their phone if the house phone if they need to.

Nchange - I figure that since they're on their phones almost the whole time, maybe they could do something else? Have a midnight feast, paint nails (or not), play cards, even (and this is radical)......talk 😂

NC - I was worried about them sending silly messaged to others or looking up inappropriate things.

My DD's phone is in my room at night - she often gets messages at 3am, even on a school night. I really think children need time away from their phones at night.