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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16 year old making poor career choices

96 replies

Tulipsdaffodil · 03/03/2019 07:53

I’m a single mum to 16 year old DD. She is very bright and likely to get 8 and 9s in her GCSEs this summer. Her strengths are her sciences, maths and English. Her tutors all suggest sixth form doing A levels in these subjects to give her a wide career choice. She is unsure of what she wants to do as a career.

Instead she is determined to go to college and do A levels in subjects that leave her with no career options other than possibly the police. She is copying her best friend and her choices rather than making her own. She seems unwilling to think beyond college as to how to earn a decent living with a good job. The college will be an hours commute each way for her which will limit the time she would have available to get a job alongside studying, maybe in a pub waitressing.

I can see her making career choices that will not work for her long term, ending up with A levels in subjects that are no use to her. She is a very intelligent, caring and articulate girl who could have lots of options open to her if she picked her next steps carefully but she won’t listen to me or her tutors.

Any advice on how to get through to her over the next six months?

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 03/03/2019 07:54

Is there anywhere near you that does the IB? Could be worth looking into this with her as an alternative that leaves career options wide open.

imsorryiasked · 03/03/2019 07:55

Which A-levels is she intending to take?

berrybubbles · 03/03/2019 07:57

Let her do what she wants! If you put pressure on her to do what you want then she will surely fail. My DM forced me to do A-Levels when I wanted to do art and photography at a specialised college. I ended up skipping half the classes and just about scraping by on the exams. 10 years later I run my own photography business! Listen to what she wants to do and support her. Her life is hers to make mistakes and learn after all

MyOtherProfile · 03/03/2019 07:57

www.ibo.org/

You can check out if any state schools (or private) near you offer it.

Twickerhun · 03/03/2019 07:58

If she is determined she can change direction later - it’s not impossible and not many people have a career for life anymore.

options19 · 03/03/2019 07:59

Could you do a university visit with her? Maybe seeing a mix of departments, something might spark her interest.

What A levels is she planning to do? What's the careers advice like at the college she has chosen?

crosspelican · 03/03/2019 08:03

Tread softly but also help her research by, well, doing actual research for her. Think about vague career paths and map out the degree and A-levels she could do for them. Sell it to her more engagingly. Are there any cool places she could do her a-levels near her?

My parents used to say things like "you should do forestry!" A LOT, but never bothered to follow up - "hey Pelican, you will need XYZ points in these subjects to get on to Agriculture at UCD and you have to do that to get an MSc in Forestry there, then you can apply for ABC role with Coillte". It was the 90's so it wasn't as easy, and I could have done with the support.

Admittedly your daughter has all the info at her fingertips, it not being 1994, but there's no harm getting in there & helping.

Original poster

Tulipsdaffodil · 03/03/2019 08:08

I thought I would do her a list of various jobs and the a levels/career path needed to do them. At one point she wanted to be a paramedic- she is amazingly calm in a crisis but this has gone out of the window since she made a new best friend.

I don’t want to alienate her so close to her exams so maybe me doing lots of research into different jobs and the exams needed would be useful.

OP posts:

floribunda18 · 03/03/2019 08:09

The police need intelligent, articulate, caring people. Are you saying it's career for people who are a bit thick? What A-Levels only lead to a police career and nothing else?

It sounds like her choices don't match up to your expectations of what a young woman of her class should choose.

NicoAndTheNiners · 03/03/2019 08:10

Order some uni prospectuses so she can look through and see which degrees interest her? Then work back and see which a level subjects are needed for that degree.

floribunda18 · 03/03/2019 08:12

Also she might be craving the independence of a separate sixth form college. I absolutely loved college and couldn't wait to get away from school.

NicoAndTheNiners · 03/03/2019 08:13

I didn't get that impression from the OP at all. More that she wanted her dd to keep her career options open at such a young age, which is perfectly understandable.

options19 · 03/03/2019 08:14

The Uni careers site Prospects is one I point my DDs towards.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 03/03/2019 08:15

Of course the police need people with all those skills and it’s a great career option, but surely more options are better than fewer right now at such a young age.

That said I’m not sure what A levels are so restrictive. Can you tell us what she is planning to study?

oscarmayaweiner · 03/03/2019 08:20

What are her A levels ?

Wavingwhiledrowning · 03/03/2019 08:23

I was 'encouraged' to do A levels in maths/sciences, and duly went to university to carry on doing the same. I now have a career in applied science and am doing ok.
But...its not actually what I wanted to do. At the time I really didn't know what I wanted, but I wish someone had taken enough interest and time to help me work it out.
So what I'm saying is that it's a good thing you're taking a real interest and giving her things to think about. But ultimately if she really wants to do something, then it's her call, and it's good she has her own opinion on it all.
Also, I wouldn't put too much stock on a level choices anyway. Out of all of my friendship group at college (we're still close), I'm the only one doing anything remotely like my a levels as a career. And as a manager now, I pay absolutely no attention whatsoever to A levels when I'm hiring people - it's all about experience which you can build up in all sorts of ways if you're determined enough.

Dimsumlosesum · 03/03/2019 08:29

You can do all the work and put all the career research for her as you want but if she's not willing to do it for herself I can't see how her heart will be in it. My dh and I did the same for his little sister years ago when she left school. He especially did all the work for her - she didn't lift a finger. She half heartedly followed what he said but she had nothing she was interested in so didn't really put any effort in. Stop doing all the work for her.

lljkk · 03/03/2019 08:29

What A-levels does she want to do?

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 03/03/2019 08:29

I think you need to tell us what the subjects are! I cannot think of anything that will only lead to a career in the police.

O4FS · 03/03/2019 08:32

does she have other friends? What are they doing?

Strikes me that she’s making the decision based on sticking with her friend, rather than what she will be doing in 2 years time.

It’s really hard, I think, after GCSEs. Everything is determined for you up to that point, you get up, go to school, see the same faces, day in day out. Then suddenly there are decisions to be made, everything changes. Friends go off, university comes on the horizon and there’s all this adult stuff to deal with.

Could it be that this friendship makes her feel secure so she wants to stick with it?

SnuggyBuggy · 03/03/2019 08:33

She's only 16, it sounds like she is at least engaged with education and thinking about work which is more than some teenagers. It isn't essential to have a job while studying, she could always work over the summer if she wants some experience or spending money.

I agree with Floribunda, 6th form colleges are a lot more babyish than in our day with the mandatory education to 18 and young people who really should have dropped out being made to stay. I can understand why she might prefer a more adult environment. I would encourage her to really consider if she could hack the commute though.

Chimchar · 03/03/2019 08:33

www.careerswales.com/en/tools-and-resources/ideas-quiz/

Have a look at this. I think you have to register with them...I don't think you have to be in wales though.

greenjojocat · 03/03/2019 08:36

Look at the Explore Careers section on the National Careers Service website with her, it explains what qualifications are needed for different roles and might show her the huge range of options out there. That being said I would tell her to go for what she enjoys doing and what she is interested in because forcing her into doing generic subjects that she doesn't enjoy isn't going to help her motivation for undertaking the qualifications. Try to get support from a careers advisor, I'm one but I work with adults, schools and colleges should have an advice line or someone to speak to.

O4FS · 03/03/2019 08:40

I would suggest to her that she does the commute (preferably on a wet dark morning). If it’s two hours at best (before traffic, incidents, crowded transport) that’s a big part of her day.

BearFoxBear · 03/03/2019 08:42

She's 16, give her a break. I didn't know what I wanted to do then either. What on earth only qualifies you for the police?!

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