Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

DD wants me to be her credit card

71 replies

ragged · 25/01/2019 20:48

17yo, profligate spender. Earns £20/week in a retail job.

Briefly thought she had busted her phone the other night so suggested that we could buy a phone for her & she'd pay us back in installments (for like forever, she wants £300 type phones). We already pay for her monthly phone charge.

I said she should save up for another phone.
AIBU... or what would you do? I could literally haul out an old Android very horrible phone for her, but she'd shriek in horror at that.

OP posts:

TigerQuoll · 25/01/2019 22:28

Yes of course she should save up for her own phone. If she wants a fancy phone she can pay for it. Let her shriek. She can learn that you don't get nice things by having them fall in your lap, you have to work hard. She might not break her next phone if she had to save up for a year for it.

If she shows good work ethic and is really committed to saving up for a fancy phone (picking up extra shifts and spending nothing, and not complaining), you could offer to match her savings like for like. So if she wants a 300 pound phone she just needs to save 150.

BaconPringles · 25/01/2019 22:36

She’s 17, I had left home at that point working full time

Of course she should save by herself

You can’t let her expect £300 phones to come so easily, it’s about graft.

GroggyLegs · 25/01/2019 22:38

profligate spender with what? Her £20 a week? Or money that you provide already?

Nope. Old Android, save.

Singlenotsingle · 25/01/2019 22:40

Can't she just get an Android from Tesco on a £15 pm tariff? Mine's a Motorola but you can get Samsung or anything else. Deposit about £30.

Justmuddlingalong · 25/01/2019 22:43

So, her current phone isn't broken? Why does she need a new one then?

Original poster

ragged · 25/01/2019 23:10

I'm a planner so need to be psyched up for possibilities. Also think I just needed some moral support. Another thread talked about paying fully for driving lessons for 17yos (lessons cost thousands so why quibble over a £300 phone? but we are not paying for lessons, either) so I had a momentary doubt if I was being too mean about she would pay for own phone.

DD earns £20/week since August 2016 but probably doesn't have more than £60 in her bank account now. That's what I mean by profligate spender. I pay for her travel, clothes & a lot of her entertainment.

OP posts:

peeblet · 25/01/2019 23:18

driving lessons are an investment into a life skill ..a particular brand of expensive phone is not

TigerQuoll · 26/01/2019 00:27

Probably best for her to start learning to save now if she hasn't learned that yet. You're hindering her not helping her if you buy her a phone.

TigerQuoll · 26/01/2019 00:31

Agree with peeblet re driving lessons. My parents didn't pay for driving lessons for me and I wasn't bothered enough to pay myself (at uni everything was in cycling distance and couldn't afford to run a car anyway) and as a result I didn't get my license until the year before last aged 31. That hindered me a bit, many jobs I wasn't eligible for due to no license.

JuniperBeer · 26/01/2019 00:33

Why is she only earning £20 per week? She needs to get a few more hours at work!

goldengummybear · 26/01/2019 00:50

She needs to work more. £20pw = 3/4 hours? My 17 year old and his peers work 8-12 hours minimum during term time and up to 24 hours during the holidays. I pay for his contract but if he smashed his phone it would be up to him to replace.

Butteredghost · 26/01/2019 01:05

Sounds fine to wait. You said there is an old Android phone available, it's not like she won't have a phone. Or like you are offering her an old Nokia 3310.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 26/01/2019 01:07

DD (13) broke her phone last year (dropped it at a party, she says someone pushed her) and we offered her a cheap replacement...she had a fit.

So, we've signed up to a monthly payment plan for a mid-range phone - DH is her guarantor, but she's actually paying the bill with money she earns doing chores (she doesn't get an allowance, but can earn money doing certain household tasks). It's worked well so far as she doesn't want to lose the phone.

I got the idea from a friend with a 17-year-old. Her DD has a part-time job and pays the installments from that.

WofflingOn · 26/01/2019 01:20

Most of us would like someone else to be our credit card.
just like when they are small and in a toy shop, and you say no. Or only one.
Do you give in and buy the lot if they wail loudly enough?

Ariela · 26/01/2019 01:29

Do you want her to be yet another teenager with the attitude that you can borrow as much as you can with no consequences?

I think she should save and buy when she has.
Sooner or later the interest rate will rise.

budgetneeded · 26/01/2019 01:46

Been there, give her the old one/or broken one whatever works best.
Nothing new needed.

Original poster

ragged · 26/01/2019 09:08

Old Android phone is a Huawei 2GB RAM.
DSs are rampant savers, but not DD.
I am not keen on paying £10k to get all 4 DC to have a driving license & be insured... DH & I barely drive. We don't even have regular vehicles for them to use.
Eventually DD's phone will need replacing, the replacement problem will happen sooner or later.

OP posts:

peeblet · 26/01/2019 09:28

ignore everyone's comments then. not sure why you posted

Justmuddlingalong · 26/01/2019 09:43

Eventually DD's phone will need replacing, the replacement problem will happen sooner or later.
Plenty of time for her to save up then.

Holidayshopping · 26/01/2019 09:48

I pay for her travel, clothes & a lot of her entertainment.

Well stop then. I buy my kids basic clothing but they pay for anything they particularly want, all travel and entertainment. You are already letting her treat you as an ATM so I’m not surprised by her attitude.

What do her wages go on?

I would say to her now-that’s good your phone isn’t broken so the problem isn’t immediate but it will need replacing at some point. You need to think about saving £10 a week (or whatever) now towards a new one if you want an expensive one as we won’t be buying it for you. You’ll be getting x old one in the drawer.

TigerQuoll · 26/01/2019 09:53

She is 17, she should pay for her own entertainment

Artfullydead · 26/01/2019 09:57

Can you get her a contract phone that she pays for?

Biologifemini · 26/01/2019 10:00

Let her get an old Nokia
You are setting her up to fail at life if you pay for non essentials at 17
She should be doing chores too and then you can sub her some more
If she is the type to scream for what she wants then her relationships with friends and partners will also fail
You can nip this now but in a year or so you won’t be able to

lanbro · 26/01/2019 10:00

Well I'm nearly 40, my parents bought my last car as in interest free loan to save me paying interest, so I'm probably not the best person but I think I would be inclined to say if she saves up half I would loan her the rest...

pootleposeyperkin · 26/01/2019 10:01

Why are you paying for her entertainment?

Flip

1 2 3