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Teenagers

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Original poster

DD wants me to be her credit card

71 replies

ragged · 25/01/2019 20:48

17yo, profligate spender. Earns £20/week in a retail job.

Briefly thought she had busted her phone the other night so suggested that we could buy a phone for her & she'd pay us back in installments (for like forever, she wants £300 type phones). We already pay for her monthly phone charge.

I said she should save up for another phone.
AIBU... or what would you do? I could literally haul out an old Android very horrible phone for her, but she'd shriek in horror at that.

OP posts:
Artfullydead · 26/01/2019 10:01

FFS an old Nokia that's not a smartphone isn't exactly for modern life is it?

I can see there's an argument for not getting her an iPhone Xs but I do think she needs a smartphone.

LovingLola · 26/01/2019 10:02

Is she in school ?
Where does she work that she gets £20 per week ???

Artfullydead · 26/01/2019 10:03

part time job innit!

Maryjoyce · 26/01/2019 10:05

Is she in college

Holidayshopping · 26/01/2019 10:06

Where does she work that she gets £20 per week??

Have you heard of Saturday jobs?!

DD works Saturday mornings and earns £20 a week. She pays for all her own make up/going out/travel and some clothes.

TearingUpMyHeart · 26/01/2019 10:06

How much do you earn? Can you afford it or not? If you can't, no point discussing further, but at her age she is probably better with an allowance than you paying for her clothes etc.
My kids don't work at all, they study full time so they have the same amount.of leisure time as I do. They get £40 a month allowance and pay their own phone contracts, clothes etc. They can work if they need more.
Your dynamic is you as the buyer of stuff.

Artfullydead · 26/01/2019 10:09

Good point actually tearing

ChakiraChakra · 26/01/2019 10:18

I don't understand the financial situation. You say she gets driving lessons, and you don't pay for them, but she only earns £20 per week which she spends. Where does the money four the driving lessons come from?

Can she pick up overtime? I'm guessing £20 = 4 hours work, she can work up to 16 in a weekend, which would soon add up for a new phone.

How is she learning budgeting and those sorts of life skills? Sounds like she can use some help and guidance from you, but not by means of being a human credit card, no.

TimetohittheroadJack · 26/01/2019 10:20

i Really don’t think a 17 year old spending her £20 a week wages could be labelled a ‘spender’. £20 would get her bus fare, a few sweets, a trip to the cinema and a macdonalds.
But it all depends what you can afford. I pay for my three teenagers phone contracts but if they break their phones or want to replace them before the contract is up then it’s their birthday/Christmas money they have to use.

Artfullydead · 26/01/2019 10:22

She's probably got college and exams and revision and homework.

NO ONE should be working 7 days a week and I did it and I'm sure a lot of you did it but it's not great and I won't want my girls to.

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 26/01/2019 10:26

She is 17 and working! Mummy and daddy should not still be paying for her phone!

That's what you do with 14 or 15 year olds. Not when they've left school and are at college or working.

I don't think parents should pay for driving lessons either but that's a whole other debate.

Artfullydead · 26/01/2019 10:27

Working five hours a week? Could you live on £20 a week? Hmm Forever I mean, not for a week before payday when you're a bit strapped.

Mentounasc · 26/01/2019 10:30

At 17 she needs a larger allowance, which would cover all her costs for travel, clothes, entertainment and phone. She can choose to save from that for her new phone or not. You then give her no extras, no matter how much she pleads.

When is her birthday? You could consider giving her the value you would normally spend on a present, to go towards her 300 quid phone.

Until then she can make do with the old Android!

Holidayshopping · 26/01/2019 10:31

She is 17 and working!

Hang on-I assumed she was doing her A levels but had a weekend job earning £20, not out of education!

OP, please can you confirm @ragged?

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 26/01/2019 11:02

If she's still at school 5 days a week then fair enough but we could use clarification on that one.

Original poster
ragged · 26/01/2019 11:20

thanks for helping boost my resolve.

To answer Qs: 4 hours shop work on Sunday. Doing A-levels at selective (expensive) school that demands attendance full days in termtime, so can't regularly work week days. Local employment for teens in evenings is sparse. I often suggest she try for Saturday hours. She is aiming for 4xA* in A-levels so I don't expect her to try to work all hours.

She hasn't had any driving lessons and we won't be paying for those. I DO pay for essentials like travel, basic clothes, phone network charge, some entertainment. I think she blows her dosh on potions, jewellery, frivolous clothing, makeup, occasional gifts, Starbucks or other entertainment.

We've battled with her sense of entitlement for years, so this is just another chapter I suppose.

DD has a lot of things MNers covet for their daughters. Terrific resilience, high achiever, amazing grades, no self-esteem problems, very ambitious, resourceful, take on any challenge, 'fixes' other people's problems, makes friends easily. No man will ever dominate her. Just... expensive tastes.

OP posts:
Maryjoyce · 26/01/2019 11:26

20 pound buys nothing in today’s world so saying she is a spender is rather mad ,plus if she’s in college you will still get the child benefit for her still.
I didn’t have children to say that as soon as they hit a set Age I no longer care and help them as I choose to have them so if they need help I will always help.
You say about not paying for them to drive yet learning to drive opens up huge amount of extra job opportunities.
I have already paid for my eldest 2 to drive and will of course pay for the others.
If would be obviously unviable for her to repay you out of the measly 20 pounds that she earns so it’s really only an option to give a birthday gift early maybe or get her to save some and you pay the rest.

Artfullydead · 26/01/2019 11:27

Jeez OP, you really sound a bit arsey about her.

Massive sense of entitlement with £20 a week? Fucking hell. That wouldn't have been enough when I was in sixth form college circa 96-98.

Maryjoyce · 26/01/2019 11:29

How can a 300 pound phone be expensive ?
iPhone x and others are 1000 pounds or close to so I’d say she has obviously realised they are not a option.
However Maybe I’m just different In how I do things.

Maryjoyce · 26/01/2019 11:34

Expensive tastes on 20 pounds a week lol.
Hope you see how crazy that is

I have expensive desires but there only desires as I realise that common sense prevails when it comes to parting with hundreds for a handbag when a 40 pounds one is going to do the same job or many other things I’d maybe like lol

wizzywig · 26/01/2019 11:39

She hasnt got resilience if she has a hissy fit over not getting a particular phone.

wineandcatsandlego · 26/01/2019 11:40

My brother and I never received pocket money nor allowance from parents, both had to get paper rounds at 11 if we wanted money and then I built up to babysitting and then retail work from 16, we'd all like an allowance, especially as I was studying full time (again like your DD achieved top grades) then on to uni where I transferred stores to continue working to earn the money I wanted to spend on my entertainment, phone, make up etc. Certainly can imagine the response I would have got if I'd wailed that I'd broken my phone and wanted parents to replace! You need to teach her that you earn the nice things in life.

TearingUpMyHeart · 26/01/2019 11:40

You sound financially controlling and difficult.

WH1SPERS · 26/01/2019 11:46

I think you sound very grounded and reasonable.

Four A levels is a lot, so I understand why she can’t work more hours in paid employment.

However A A A* would be enough for most courses so I wonder why she’s doing 4. I know this isn’t the point of the thread though.

Artfullydead · 26/01/2019 11:47

Different times now though wine

No way would my 11 year old daughter be out doing paper rounds on dark nights, and babysitting isn't always available.

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