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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should I let my 15 yr old daughter move out?

54 replies

georgiaind · 12/01/2019 13:11

My DH and I have been in a disagreement concerning my 14 yr old DD moving out into the converted barn next to us. The barn is right next to the house, with all the necessities such as a loo, bed, space etc. My daughter has been begging for a while now and has asked to move as her birthday present (for her 15th). She is very responsible and I know she won't get up to anything, but I can't tell whether that'll last long! I don't want her cooped up in the barn all evenings and not coming out and spending time with the family. Although she is very extroverted person and wouldn't want to be by herself all the time! The barn right now is my office and it would be nice to move inside into the house. I just need a point of view from others to see whether I am being unreasonable or not!

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 12/01/2019 13:14

I think it’s a good idea but has to come with provisos like eating meals with the family and switching wi fi off on school nights,etc.

pinkhorse · 12/01/2019 13:19

I wouldn't like that at all. Too young in my opinion.

RedPandaMama · 12/01/2019 13:20

I think it's a great thing. Teaches her independence etc. and like you said she's trustworthy. Like above said as long as she comes in for meals, still helps out with some chores etc. I'd love to have done that as a teenager!

Original poster
georgiaind · 12/01/2019 13:30

Exactly! Was thinking about how great it would be for her independence and maturity but again I don't know if I'm ready yet... she's my eldest so obviously I've still got my protective strike. Rules will be definitely be placed. WiFi isn't even working out there, which she says she's not even bothered about.

OP posts:
Dimsumlosesum · 12/01/2019 13:34

It will show her the trust you're placing in her. Main thing though is that it's reversible if necessary.

bluesaturday · 12/01/2019 13:35

I also think it's to young. If she was 17 it would be a different story.

jq28 · 12/01/2019 13:38

No way too young in my eyes

messyhousetidymind · 12/01/2019 13:39

I think it's too young I'd wait til sixth form

titchy · 12/01/2019 13:39

What is she year 10? I'd say no. This is the age you need to make sure they're connected with the family, not giving them reasons not to connect.

How about for sixth form?

Knittedfairies · 12/01/2019 13:43

I don't know how old your other children are, but I'd be wary of her moving into the barn if that option won't be available to her siblings when they are of similar age.

GladAllOver · 12/01/2019 13:45

What reasons does she give for moving out there? Is her present room too small or too noisy? Or is it just a feeling of 'independence' - in which case I'd ask what would she do there that she can't do at home.

Original poster
georgiaind · 12/01/2019 13:45

@Knittedfairies I have one other DD who will probably move into there when my eldest moves out for university. She'll be 16.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 12/01/2019 13:46

Has it got a kitchen area too? I would tell her she can move in when she os 16 as long as over this year she can prove to you she is ready for this independence. She needs to show you she can clean, cook, do laundry etc. It will be a great thing but i think 15 is a bit too young.

Drum2018 · 12/01/2019 13:47

Have a daughter the same age. Not a chance would I have her move out of the house. She's very capable and sensible but it still would not be happening. Keep your office. I would prefer the office as at least that way you are not working in the house, seeing housework that needs doing. You can close the barn door to the world and do your job more effectively.

Yulebealrite · 12/01/2019 13:48

I think I would also say she could have it when she's 16. Which is also fair to her sister too if she will only get it at 16.

Original poster
georgiaind · 12/01/2019 13:48

@GladAllOver she wants 'independence' and a feeling of trust in presuming. She wants her own space/ space when her friends stay over.

OP posts:
glamourous · 12/01/2019 13:49

Only you know how mature and sensible your daughter is. If it's something she really wants, I'd probably agree to it as it's not like she's moving miles away, she's literally next door, if she needs something or is lonely, she can pop back over. Set rules such as no visitors after a certain time etc and see how it goes!

glamourous · 12/01/2019 13:49

However, I moved out at 15 so am probably biased Grin

GladAllOver · 12/01/2019 13:54

I'd set a No Alcohol rule in there, and have a phone extension so that either of you can call for reassurance at any time.

Original poster
georgiaind · 12/01/2019 13:57

@ApolloandDaphne it has no kitchen area. It's not exactly a living space just more somewhere to wind down and sleep in, like a bedroom x

OP posts:
Original poster
georgiaind · 12/01/2019 13:58

@RedPandaMama Exactly! Was thinking about how great it would be for her independence and maturity but again I don't know if I'm ready yet... she's my eldest so obviously I've still got my protective strike. Rules will be definitely be placed. WiFi isn't even working out there, which she says she's not even bothered about.

OP posts:
Original poster
georgiaind · 12/01/2019 14:00

@glamourous did it work out well for you? Or did you feel isolated/not spend much time with your family afterwards? Smile

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 12/01/2019 14:03

I'm not sure. I was a very sensible 15 year old but I think if my DD turns out to be like me I'd be uneasy about this. I can't quite put my finger on why.

Coronapop · 12/01/2019 14:05

No, she is too young.

Slightlycoddled · 12/01/2019 14:15

Do you know her friends and whether they are sensible and trustworthy? I 've a horribly too-suspicious mind but why is she so keen for a separate space? What are they planning to do? I wouldn't want the barn becoming "the" place in which all the teens in the neighborhood congregate. It's bad enough trying to supervise teens in your own home frankly!

The WiFi thing though - I can imagine the novelty will wear off if it's not working - and for her friends too. [How do you work there without it? ]

I can see the attraction of being "in control" in your own space and how a 15 great old would love the independence though.

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