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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

15 yr old nearly 16 refusing to go school.

12 replies

Charl84 · 11/12/2018 13:55

Hi
My son who will turn 16 next week. Also last year off high school seems to think it’s ok to no go. I’m at the end off my theather with it. We have a referral in to social services from school o have been assessed as off his behaviour. He’s not at a main stream school it’s a pupil referral unit. I really don’t know what to do. He’s changed so much and I try talk to him but he don’t seem to listen if he bothered. All o said is get through this and get gcse as this is for you. The social worker wanted to see him today but he didn’t go in. Just seems to think can do what he wants. He said he’s leaving at 16 and there’s nothing I can do. Is this correct and has anyone else been through similar. I’m just so worried as he’s got younger siblings.

OP posts:
Bestseller · 11/12/2018 13:59

Why is he at the PRU?

They are able to offer a far more bespoke timetable and more pastoral care than schools. Call his tutor or the head.

Original poster
Charl84 · 11/12/2018 14:27

He got put in one at the beginning off year 10 through getting excluded and just not engaging. They have put him on a half time timestable and he Carnt even do that 9-12.30. I’ve told school that when his 1-1 tutor when I’m sick a month ago he will have issues with adjusting they said they have no more staff until today but it’s getting him engaged again. I really don’t no what to do he’s avoiding coming home. Goes his girlfriends house and thinks can stay there when her mother gives him bus fair to school but still didn’t go xx

OP posts:
Bestseller · 11/12/2018 14:48

You don't have to say here but you do have to be honest with him and the PRU plus other agencies about how it came to this.

I work in a PRU and we never meet a child and think " how on earth this this happen?". There is always a very sad story behind the child and their history. Sometimes it's tragic circumstances, sometimes it's neglect or abuse or DV but there is always something more than just poor behaviour. It really helps if parents can acknowledge this and the child knows the parent is on their side.

I'd stop worrying about GCSEs for now, there are bigger issues and I doubt he's in a place to do well now. He has to stay in education next year, he can do them then.

Arrange to meet with the tutor. They should be arranging mentoring and/or counselling.

Bestseller · 11/12/2018 14:50

BTW a half timetable isn't as bad as it sounds. In small groups, a 40 minute lesson is worth several lessons in a class of 30. Most students in a PRU wont be doing 9-3 every day

Original poster
Charl84 · 11/12/2018 17:02

Yes he has depression I know it for a while I got him referred to elcas but he didn’t got to the assessment. He’s fighting with himself everyday and I’ve been there every step off the way to try make him feel like he not wierd or stupid. I was in a long dv relationship and these are the affects it’s had in my son. I realise that when I did my research paper that I studied. I’ve tryed every avenue. I’ve been honest with everyone it’s only recently he has dipped in his behaviour not that he’s bad he just hates school and thinks that lying when I’ve dropped him off is ok. Then goes his girlfriends every night. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong I spoke with him yesterday and said you are doing really well as he’s academically really clever. I tell him I love him that I’m proud off him. I support him with his girlfriend. I’m there and he knows this. But I’m hitting a brick wall social services need to meet him tomorrow as On an assessment needs to meet children within 10 days she said. But I’m that stressed pulling my hair out I don’t know where he’s going in the day. As don’t answer phone.

OP posts:
Bestseller · 11/12/2018 17:04

Honestly, talk to a senior member of staff at the PRU.

IME they care far more than is often good for themselves and they have more time than staff in mainstream schools.

Original poster
Charl84 · 11/12/2018 17:04

And he’s been in a 1-1 half time table for a year. But unfortunately his teacher has been ill and had surgery and won’t be back till after Christmas well I’m praying she is. As I knew change would affect him. I was open about this to all the referral unit I said this will put him back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Charl84 · 11/12/2018 17:06

I have done and they said have changed his 1-1 teacher who replaced his old one temporary but it’s getting him back engaged and thank you for advice I’m just so stressed over the situation as he will just waste himself. As seems to think can leave at 16 and my house.

OP posts:
Fairylightfurore · 11/12/2018 17:08

Ask him how he's planning to contribute to the household income when he's not in full time education anymore.

Original poster
Charl84 · 11/12/2018 18:19

Good point as he seems to think money comes from trees.

OP posts:
caringdad66 · 11/12/2018 23:10

You say he can do his GCSE s next year?
I thought only maths and English could be done after year 11?
Any other GCSEs have to be paid for.
Am I right?

TigerQuoll · 13/12/2018 10:35

Is he interested in doing a trade of some kind, like being a baker, or chef, or plumber? You could tell him he can either do an apprenticeship and you'll charge him room and board (make it about half what he earns, and he can buy everything that isn't food himself with the other half) or go to school...
At least he will feel in charge of his decision.

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