How to get 14yo dd to put some thought into her appearance?

[ChintzTeapot]

I'm not worried about her hygiene as she's very clean but she'd live in walking boots, joggers and a tatty old hoody if we let her!

It's got to the point where I lay clothes out for her the night before or else she'll just fling on the first thing she picks up !

I just buy her clothes myself now but I've tried taking her shopping to pick her own, taking her out shopping with her friends and just giving her money to spend and leaving her be.
Anytime we've been shopping she just trails around looking bored until we get near the book shop or a sports shop and when I tried giving her money she said she didn't want get her own and she'd rather just have me pick it. And then she doesn't wear half of what I do buy!

How do I get her to start behaving like an adult and take some pride in her appearance?

DD is also 14. Her phases have been:

1 Young child. All about the dresses and skirts. Rarely dressed appropriately for weather or activity. I would buy her jeans and leggings but she wouldn’t wear them, would go back to dresses etc. Unfortunately my dress sense is pretty basic, so she never had cute boho combinations of mismatched clothe, just looked like she’d dressed out of a jumble sale. Drove me nuts, but no one died.
2 Tween. Discovered jeans. FINALLY. Also discovered crop tops, so still a tendency to be inappropriately dressed in cold weather. Discovered make-up, acquired more than I think I’ve owned in my life. Standing joke with her friends that she ALWAYS wears mascara. Still no one dies.
3 Now. Still in the jeans. Goes shopping with friends, buys nothing because can’t bring herself to spend money unless she really loves/needs something, and never does. Bored with make-up, standing joke now that you can tell roughly when a photo was take according to whether she is wearing mascara or not. Everyone still alive.

Has always been reasonably clean, but tends to have better things to do than take a shower so might need a critical eye passing over her hair occasionally. She is a little baffled as to what she’ll wear for work experience next year (as am I, but I’m far more aware it’ll depend on the workplace). We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

There’s never any point in worrying about what’ll happen if a child is still how they are now when they’re an adult. You can try to move in the right direction, but anything else is just madness.

In shocking news, some people don't care about clothes in a fashion or convention sense. It's not necessarily because they haven't been trained by their mother (!) or because they haven't discovered boys yet (!). It may be that they have their OWN ideas of their clothing needs which may be based on comfort or what things feel like. Maybe their personality is not tied up with how other people see their clothing choices. They may not give a shit about looking like other teenagers. And they may not care a lot about other people's clothing choices.

Ooo 14. I remember that being a horrible age. That awkward age between being a child and an adult. People expecting so much of you but not actually letting you do anything. Hormones. Boys. Girls. Trying to work out which group you fitted into and work out why everyone seemed to understand the unwritten rules of the social playground before you did. Exams and that was before the days of the pressures of social media. Please let your daughter dress how she wants. Remember your clothes are an extension of yourself. They can be like a safety blanket to a 14 year old. How would you feel if you were going out to meet your extended family and your DH insisted you wore combat trousers a hoodie and a bandana and doc martin boots to the event (im assuming you dont normally dress like this - if so disregard) you wouldnt be yourself and would be uncomfortable. As long as shes clean let her make her own choices. I look back at family pics now and cringe and laugh at what i was allowed to wear but hey it was me.. and i was expressing myself lol.

You overegged it with the bookshop.

Ah...

Perhaps she is working on her inner self?!
Walking boots and leggings are appropriate interview clothing if the job you are going for is an outdoor activities instructor.
If the family love and care about her they won't care what she wears.
She may not ever discover boys (again, her choice) and if she does want to attract a partner I hope she meets someone less shallow than some of the posters on this forum.
It sounds as if you are more worried about how she makes YOU look (which is your issue).
Until the day when she asks for advice on clothes, leave her be. (I would never in a million years have gone to my mum for clothing advice anyway).

I wear black jeggings and a plain top of some sort every single day. I like not having to think too much and have little interest in clothes. No intervention is needed if hygiene is appropriate.

as for job interviews, there are plenty of places who will value her for her skills and personality way above her clothes.

Would be if her own mother could see past the externals.

Oh, and yes, yes to lovely versions of sports/athletics wear for 'special occasions'.

I remember being that age and overhearing my mum complaining to my dad that I didn't have the right clothes to go out in. They gave me an allowance and expected me to buy my own clothes. But I didn't really know what to buy and felt self conscious about it all. There again I didn't share my mum's style (never have and anyway we're a very different body shape) and when she did come shopping with me she sort of bullied me into buying stuff that wasn't really me. (As a little girl she made me wear frilly dresses with sashes and bows and I never felt comfortable in them).

Maybe she feels happy with what she wears. Maybe she'd like some guidance but perhaps not from you??

The need to dress up isn't what it was when I was young. You can get away with a lot these days. Smart but casual is fine for most special occasions unless you move in celebrity or royal circles, surely,?

Leave her be, she is only 14. Unless you're a relative to royal family and need to attend formal events. I guess she has to wear a smart uniform to school daily and must be fed up.