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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD in tears over supposed best mate

62 replies

Pawprintjoy · 09/10/2018 01:34

Dd2 (13) has spent the past few hours crying in her room after her “best friend” posted on Instagram about her, he was the only real friend she had and the one who would always cheer her up. There’s a screenshot of the post for context but she’s not in school atm so he was one of her only friends, all the friends they shared have blocked her and refused to speak to her now so she is completely devastated. DD1 was never in these situations so I am abit shocked at the stuff that’s said about others online Hmm

DD in tears over supposed best mate
OP posts:
Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 09/10/2018 01:39

Have just been told that it wasn’t the only post about her and in another he had a photo of her account above the caption. We’ve had a chat about how he’s not a true friend if he’s saying this but she is desperate to make amends even if she can’t think of how, he really was like part of the family

DD in tears over supposed best mate
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Blessthekids · 09/10/2018 14:06

Sorry this has happened to your dd2. I think you are right, this guy is not really a proper friend and she should just leave things alone for the time being. Why is she not at school?

Knittedfairies · 09/10/2018 14:14

Does your daughter know what she is supposed to have done to warrant her ‘friend’ posting such stuff?

SnuggyBuggy · 09/10/2018 14:19

Is she hitting and acting strangely around him. I'm not trying to blame her, it just doesn't sound like a great dynamic between the two of them.

Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 09/10/2018 18:13

Blessthekids We moved so we’re still on the waiting list for schools (they’re all oversubscribed)

Knittedfairies she knows he was upset with her because we couldn’t afford to get him a ticket to a concert that dd is going to but he lost his brother a few months ago and it’s the brothers birthday this month so he’s not in the best mindset anyway.

SnuggyBuggy dd is very shy in when it comes to touching others and thw only time she’s hit him is during a fake fight where they were jokingly tapping eachother. She’s paid for all his travel whenever they meet each other because he can’t afford to see her otherwise but they just acted like normal mates which is why this is all v sudden

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redexpat · 09/10/2018 18:16

Has his phone been stolen? Im clutching at straws but the only time I received a horrible text was when my friends phone was stolen and wasnt pin protected.

yorkshireyummymummy · 09/10/2018 18:22

God - those messages are dreadful, really really foul.
It seems that you know this lad - I would be phoning him up and asking himWTF he thinks he is doing posting abusive bullying messages like that about someone who has paid for him to visit her!

Then, depending on his answer , I would give him a right mouthful, block him and tell your DD that she would be best off never contacting him again. Come on- nobody needs somebody in their life who will speak about them like that .

madeoficecream · 09/10/2018 18:24

explain to her that hes just lost his brother and sometimes people are nastiest to those closest to them when they are in pain.
Suggest she doesnt respond or retaliate and just gives him some space and distance.

Hopefully his state of mind will improve over time and he will apologise.

She doesnt need to try and make amends as he has been incredibly rude to her. He may be in a bad state of mind so id give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him some space to sort that out.

Make her know that his behaviour is not caused by her, about her, or able to be rectified by her.

If she engages with him at this point he will only be nastier to her.
She just needs to block him for a while and wait it out.
Clearly he is going through some difficult things and is not able to be a good friend to her right now.

oooompa · 09/10/2018 18:40

Are you sure both the messages were written by the same person? I could read the second message just fine, but I felt like I needed a translator for the teen speak in the first message Hmm

NerrSnerr · 09/10/2018 18:47

Is she hitting him and grabbing his thigh because obviously that's not on.

fruitshot · 09/10/2018 19:26

Op, they just don't seem right?

It's like something has "happened" for him to behave that way. There must've been an incident surely?

If there isn't, then this boy is a bit of a prick, and your DD is going to learn a valuable lesson in life about arseholes. Appreciate he is going through some stuff, but it feels incredibly focused and personal for it to just be an outpour of misdirected anger.

Crikey, I'm sure it wasn't this complicated when I was that age. I'm not dreading my 11 yr old getting any older.

cheesefield · 09/10/2018 19:43

Good Lord, is that how youngsters speak these days? I can barely understand stand it.

I'd want to tell DD he's a nasty disrespectful twat, and she shouldn't lower herself to being friends with such a bumbling idiot. She deserves far better. And sign her up to some clubs?

Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 10/10/2018 21:11

Dd has just received a message asking her if she hated him and she pinky promised she doesn’t (pinky promises are never to be broken between them apparently Grin) and then he told her about how he was scared she disliked him or loved him less and for now things seem okay between them again. She’s beginning to go to meet ups hosted by a few mutual friends of hers (they’re quite popular on social media apparently Hmm). Never had any of this drama when I was a teenager but then again now we have all this technology

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rightreckoner · 10/10/2018 21:16

I wouldn’t be at all happy - not only at the language and nastiness but also about the overinvolved and melodramatic approach to friendship. This is way too much for a very young teenager.

I know they have their rows but this is a really unhealthy way to conduct a friendship. I would be encouraging the poor girl to find some new friends.

AngelSlides · 10/10/2018 21:18

I’m so confused Confused

Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 10/10/2018 21:54

rightreckoner I’m not too pleased about it but if she’s happy for now that’s okay with me, she’s slowly getting to know others in our town but if she still wants to give the lad a chance then that’s up to her even if it means I get to deal with any future fall outs

I’ve only now learnt of the age gap between dd and his friends so am not expecting things to last but trying to get her to want to make friends is difficult

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Hunlife · 10/10/2018 22:05

I won’t pretend to understand any of this nonsense OP but what really sticks out is how you and your daughter are now happy to minimise this person’s behaviour. Read that second message back to yourself and ask why you would allow anyone who says those things about your daughter anywhere near her?

Also what is the age gap you are talking about? How old are they?

Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 10/10/2018 22:22

Hunlife Because I know how much dd’s mental health suffers whenever she has no friends to talk to so one friend for now is better than none.

Dd is 13, friends are 14-20 in his friendship group

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anitagreen · 10/10/2018 22:32

She's 13 and these people are 14-20? Why are 20 year olds hanging around with 13 year olds Shock

SnuggyBuggy · 11/10/2018 04:29

This all sounds rather odd

LeslieKnopefan · 11/10/2018 04:40

Are you American? I've not heard teens talk or write like this in the UK.

justilou1 · 11/10/2018 04:47

I’m wondering if he’s got other issues too..... is he gay perhaps? The language he’s using is rather like the attention-seeking behaviour of some of my daughter’s more “Yas, Queen!” friends. At his age, there’s a lot of bitchery - especially on social media, and very little awareness of cause and effect.

justilou1 · 11/10/2018 04:50

Sorry... wasn’t finished. If he is gay and not out, or not supported, etc... that may lead to some pretty intense pressure on friendships in particular. If your daughter is his closest friend, and he is conflicted about confiding in her, this may be a sign that he needs some counseling.

penisbeakers · 11/10/2018 04:55

Ummm

She's hanging out with folks up to the age of twenty?

No no no no. NO. So much about this feels wrong. I wouldn't let her anywhere near them.

Bumdishcloths · 11/10/2018 04:57

This boy/man (how old is he if the group he hangs out with are 14-20) sounds like an abusive twat. If he's willing to post that sort of stuff on social media what is he saying to her behind closed doors that she's not telling you about? If she's desperate for a friend she'll tolerate a lot, I suspect. If this were my child, that second screenshot would be it for me - surely you don't think that's normal, acceptable behaviour??