Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

DD in tears over supposed best mate

62 replies

Pawprintjoy · 09/10/2018 01:34

Dd2 (13) has spent the past few hours crying in her room after her “best friend” posted on Instagram about her, he was the only real friend she had and the one who would always cheer her up. There’s a screenshot of the post for context but she’s not in school atm so he was one of her only friends, all the friends they shared have blocked her and refused to speak to her now so she is completely devastated. DD1 was never in these situations so I am abit shocked at the stuff that’s said about others online

OP posts:

cariadlet · 11/10/2018 05:27

he lost his brother a few months ago and it’s the brothers birthday this month

Just read the thread, and surprised that only one other poster has referenced this. Yes, the posts were melodramatic and abusive, but a teenager going through something as awful as that needs some understanding.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/10/2018 05:30

It is not ok for a 13 year old to hang out with a 20 year old, jesus.

shearwater · 11/10/2018 05:35

I don't fucking care if he is bereaved, it doesn't give him a free pass at posting horrible things about your daughter. What a little shit! A frenemy at best.

Bumdishcloths · 11/10/2018 05:42

The bereavement didn't pass me by, I just don't think it's overly relevant when someone's calling your daughter a cunt. Grief doesn't give you a free pass to be a dickhead.

Hoosey · 11/10/2018 05:43

No, just no. Please don’t encourage her to tolerate someone who treats her like that. I appreciate what you’re saying about how she feels when she has no friends but he is not a friend, no matter what happens now. She’s unlikely to make true friends if she ends up thinking that this dynamic is friendship.

BranstonTickle · 11/10/2018 05:58

they’re quite popular on social media apparently

Has he posted the horrible message to create drama for the 'audience' then?

His bereavement must be unimaginably painful. But please don't teach your daughter it's okay to accept being abused (in public, too!) by a male because she's got no other friends. That's just setting her up for a lifetime of tolerating abuse and not understanding her innate worth.

finnmcool · 11/10/2018 05:59

If he was her boyfriend and treated her like that, would you be so willing to have him in her life?
An apology doesn't negate his appalling treatment of your daughter and I would be deeply concerned about the much older group members.

Snowymountainsalways · 11/10/2018 06:03

That post is really malicious.

You need to get her away from him and into school so she cam make some proper friends

PenguinSaidEverything · 11/10/2018 06:11

I think his bereavement is hugely relevant as is the fact that being a teenager can make the best of us behave like dicks. HOWEVER, he has revealed a very nasty side of himself here. If he really is her only friend I don’t think it would be fair to her to completely cut contact but I would be doing everything in my power to sort out new hobbies etc to try to widen her friendship circle to include other people who will be good for her.

Urbanbeetler · 11/10/2018 06:13

As long as she’s happy now is a recipe for grooming into the seesaw of abusive relationships. Being nice to her now means nothing when he abused her and isolated her with ease.

safetyfreak · 11/10/2018 06:24

I find your posts very concerning. How old is this 'boy'? why is she hanging out with people age 13-20 years of age?

Why are you teaching your daughter it is acceptable to forgive a vile text just like that?

Your duty as a mother is to protect and guide her, it is not acceptable for her to be hanging out with grown adults, it is not acceptable for that 'boy' to be sending your daughter vile messages with no repercussions for his actions.

Act like an responsible mother.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 11/10/2018 06:30

I honestly can't believe you're letting her have any contact with him again. Her mental health will surely be so, SO much worse whilst she's with him. You have to stop this now.

TSSDNCOP · 11/10/2018 06:35

So this nasty, abusive little drama llama (with a dead brother card get out of jail card in his pocket) can send her messages, and then get her to promise she still likes him and forgives him.

And you think that’s ok because she needs a friend. And you left your child continue the friendship.

None of that is ok.

LARLARLAND · 11/10/2018 06:37

He has to be told that it’s not acceptable for him to call you DD those names. He also must appreciate that people who don’t know your Dd will judge her based on those posts and that will be damaging for her. I would definitely be encouraging her to move away from this friendship group and this boy in particular.

Hoppinggreen · 11/10/2018 06:40

He’s basically emotionally abusing her
He’s being vile and then love bombing her and justifying his behaviour
I can’t believe you are ok with this and the whole dynamic with the older people on social media ( which I don’t fully get from your posts) is seriously messed up

Hoppinggreen · 11/10/2018 06:44

AND she gives him money AND he was upset you couldn’t afford to buy him a concert ticket?
Seriously he’s using and abusing her. Get her into a school, any school ASAP and let her start to build normal friendships rather than being used and treated badly by a group of older kids online.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 11/10/2018 06:49

He sounds very unhinged and mean. Your daughter sounds vulnerable. Why would
you encourage this “friendship” when your daughter’s “happiness” is at best superficial with this boy? I think it’s teaching her to accept any kind of abuse as long as it helps you be the whipping boy for the popular crowd.

Muddlingalongalone · 11/10/2018 06:52

If this was on the relationship board and about adults then the advice would be yo ltb.
I don't have teens yet so no experience of the friendship dramas, but to me you should be teaching her to challenge his behaviour. You understand he's bereaved but that doesn't make it acceptable to abuse/bully her & then carry on as if nothing's happened.

twattymctwatterson · 11/10/2018 06:55

I'm really concerned about your OWN judgement and boundaries here

ScabbyBabby · 11/10/2018 07:05

He sounds almost suicidal in that first message and also really bitter that he hasn't had his own way- like she owes him. I think he needs help but not at the expense of your daughter.

It's really creepy behaviour, especially if he is older. She is better off out of this toxic friendship group. It's your job to get her to see sense. You need to build her self esteem so she doesn't want to hang around with people like this.

jumpingeasel · 11/10/2018 07:14

Sounds like grooming to me. Emotional blackmail etc. Put a stop to this!

Beaverhausen · 11/10/2018 07:14

Firstly I would not be happy that my daughter hangs around with older children especially as she can be manipulated and hurt by said people. There are far too many horror stories out there of vulnerable children and people being manipulated and hurt by those they consider friends.

Secondly I would not allow her to hang around with someone who can publicly humiliate her in the way that he did, you do not know what he is saying about her behind her back. Whether he is her only friend or not, you need to get her to socialise with kids her own age.

Allowing your daughter to be friends with someone who is obviously not stable in any sense of the word is not healthy. As a parent it is your responsibility to ensure that she finds a healthier alternative.

I know people would blast me for this but I would put an end to the friendship and pull him up for his behaviour towards her bereavement or not you do not treat someone so horribly.

SnuggyBuggy · 11/10/2018 07:17

OP what are your own friendships and relationships like? It's worrying that you see this as ok

user1457017537 · 11/10/2018 07:18

He’s a bit of a diva in my opinion

awesmum · 11/10/2018 07:19

Yes teens speak like this. Yes it's horrible. Tell her not to accept this behaviour from him. Don't you let her be hanging out with 20 year olds! Very odd, very strange and very wrong!

Flip

1 2 3