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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

18 yo son asked to leave

12 replies

Concernedmom1 · 17/08/2018 23:16

Hi having trouble with my son, after putting up with 4 or more years of lots of minor problems (actually not so minor), last night (4.50am) was the last straw, he tried to smuggle 7 people into his room, one of which went into my 12 year old daughter's room and woke up her up, obvs she was terrified thinking there was an intruder!
I managed to get them all out, and have today asked him to move out, none of his friends will take him in, neither will family, I w8ll have to take him to the local homeless project tomorrow.

After 4 years of putting up with him smoking in his room when he shouldn't, smoking weed, sneaking in people to the house, refusing to get a full-time job, kicked out of college twice, constant lies, moods, picking on siblings, leaves his room in a complete state (mouldy cups etc) and only cleans after day after day of me moaning or me doing it myself, I have had enough.

I'm just wondering other opinions based on what I've written? I feel I am/have been enabling him too much and feel giving him a short sharp shock may bring him to his senses, hopefully he can change and return home but I have other younger children to consider. Gutted but see no other solution. Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
PerverseConverse · 17/08/2018 23:21

Oh gosh OP, that's awful for you Thanks
I can't offer much advice but it's late and I know what it's like to be up late, upset and no one be around.
Have you got support from other family and friends IRL?
When did all this start? Was there a trigger? Weed is unfortunately a root of evil in young adults and I've seen many a life damaged by its effects. My psychiatry placement was full of young lads with issues that were caused by cannabis. Could this be the cause? In with a bad crowd?
I agree to taking a firm line with him so he realises he can't go through life like this.
Does he have any support from any agencies? GP? Mental health team.

NC4Now · 17/08/2018 23:22

Well it doesn't sound great, and you do have to consider your other children. It must have been terrifying for your daughter.

However, if you take this route (and I'm not saying you shouldn't), you need to be realistic. He may not change his ways and return home in a few weeks a reformed character. This could be it.

He doesn't sound like he's making the wisest life choices, so personally I'd be very wary of putting him in that situation. To me, I'd be thinking of problems down the line - worsening drug habits, crime etc.

Is there no family that could take him in?

NC4Now · 17/08/2018 23:23

And you have my sympathy - like PP I think weed has a lot to answer for.

Joinourclub · 17/08/2018 23:28

He’s 18, so asking him to move out is fair enough. But only giving him 24 hours notice seems harsh. And knowingly making him homeless? Have you been to your local homeless shelter recently to check out who his new roommates will be?

Angharad07 · 17/08/2018 23:32

If this is your last resort then I understand and sympathise op, you have younger children to care for too- they don’t deserve to be put in danger by a young senseless adult. Perhaps look at booking him into a youth hosltle for a week or so until he finds somewhere to stay?

Original poster
Concernedmom1 · 17/08/2018 23:36

Hi, yes just to be clear, we will try our best to help him find somewhere else, he is still here and we won't kick him out without support or at short notice, it's just that he has ignored or been snide with every ultimatum we have given him, he has a part-time job at off so does have an income stream and could increase his hours to fund a house share, I am willing to pay the first month.

OP posts:
Original poster
Concernedmom1 · 19/08/2018 18:06

Oh and sorry, forgot to say thanks for replies, heads up backside!

OP posts:
NC4Now · 19/08/2018 21:38

Understandably, by the sounds of it. I think a planned moving out, with somewhere to go is a good idea.
Just kicking him out in a knee jerk way could be a disaster and of course he’ll make his own choices wherever he is, but if he has a relatively decent place lined up with his first month’s rent put down, it’s up to him to make it work.
I understand why you wanted to drop him at the nearest hostel, but honestly, this way is much better!

Tiredemma · 19/08/2018 21:40

He sounds like a huge PITA but I don't think you should make him homeless

capitaltimes · 20/08/2018 12:25

really sorry to hear you've been going through this OP. MN nearly always say keep the teenager at home, even if he's an adult and ruining everything for everybody else at home. i've never understood this view myself, and I don't believe the posters have ever had to live with a teenager who has been so disrespectful for years...

I think you are doing the right thing, asking him to move. He's 18, he can add more hours to his job, you can still see him etc. give him some notice of course, maybe some cash to start him off if you're feeling generous, but i think he needs to put some effort into his own life.

the smoking weed thing, did he do that at home (just curious)?

CykaBlyat · 20/08/2018 18:02

There are two major options you could choose;
Option 1: Discipline him.
Option 2: Start thinking that you will have to apply for a job for him, and force him to do his job.

reaaaaalflakeyMN · 20/08/2018 19:34

Cyka, I gotta ask, how old are you, do you have teenage children. Or are you in fact a teenager yourself?

Have you actually read the OP's opening post? And her update?

Did you not read that she has tried to 'discipline' her son? What do you actually mean by that incidentally? Do you have any ideas? As for applying for jobs for him, well he already has a job (part-time). Did you bother to read that? How can you actually "force" someone to work full-time who doesn't want to?

Honestly, OP, don't come to MN Teenagers for advice or support. I've never come across such a bunch of clueless fools offering advice, on every thread I've ever read with a difficult teenager. They are clueless people living in some neverland of their own. They don't even bother to read the bloody original post.

I hope you sort it out OP. All the best.

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