DDs 13yo friend left alone all night

[Mmmmdanone]

My DD had told me her friend gets left alone by her mum all night on a regular basis. Her mum is out enjoying herself so not for work. I think this is dreadful but don't want to get the girl taken in to care. What would you do?

Blimey, that's awful! I'd have to do something, could you have a word with the mum first to try and establish the facts?

Because you go wading in with the authorities, I would chat to the mum.

I'm not sure that it's necessarily a problem, beyond being sad.

Many 13 year olds are quite capable of being left in their own for extended periods of time.

Oooh i'd thread carefully.... don't want the mum going nuts at you and causing agro for her daughter. And potentially ruining your daughters friendship with her. It's tough,I'd be wary also about going straight to authorities. How much of this do you know to be absolutely true,could you try chat to the mum,figure out more?

I don't know the mum at all. My DD goes round to friend's house after school sometimes- its fine being alone during the day and they like it. But when she was there yesterday her mum called and said she would be out all night. Her DD asked her to come home because she gets lonely. My DD heard all this and then her friend then told her it happens quite often. I wouldn't go straight to authorities but don't know what I should do. Can't imagine talking to the mother as I don't know her!

Whilst not technically illegal gov.uk says under 16s shouldn't be left alone overnight but it is an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.

Inform the school. They may already have concerns about the family and this information will help them put a case together. Or they may not be at all concerned. They are used to deciding when something needs passing on the social services or not, so let them make the decision.

Yes, inform the school.

Speak to safeguarding team at school.

I agree about informing the school. When I was a governor we touched upon situations like this, and this is definitely a safeguarding issue.

Please tell someone. My sister was left alone a few times - younger than that and with no warning. So, obviously worse. But there were so many missed opportunities for our family to get some much needed help and I really wish someone had said something...

I agree with the PP except I'm a therapist and see adults now who were left alone as children and wonder so many adults missed the chance to protect them

Is all night all night? Thirteen year olds are very dramatic. I received a call once from then 13yo DD's welfare officer once, enquiring about DD being left home alone for entire weekends.

The reality was I worked split shifts in a cafe/wine bar, 11am-2pm and 6pm to midnight Fridays and 11am-2pm and 7-11pm Saturdays. I came home between shifts bearing left over cakes, salads and quiches for DD.

Talking to the school won't hurt, they might be able to get to the bottom of it but involving any higher authority would be overkill.

Thanks all. I hadn't thought of talking to the school so thanks for that.

And yes, all night was all night. The girl didn't even make it to school today as she had no money for a bus fare.

Err that sounds shit to be fair.....would you have her stay with you a couple of nights a week?

The girl didn't even make it to school today as she had no money for a bus fare.

I think the school definitely needs to know about this then. This woman seems to be absolving all responsibility for her daughter. What is the mother doing all night - working? Shagging her boyfriend?

From what I can gather mum's with her boyfriend at night. The whole thing is just horrible. I think the school may be aware of some issues as my DD says friend gets called to pastoral care quite a bit but I don't think the girl is telling them everything as she's asked my daughter to keep it to herself- she's scared she'll be put into care. I'll talk to the school and make sure they know she's being left alone. Just hope they're discreet.

I don't think she'll be put into care if that is all that is going on. SS will have a word with mum, I should imagine, however, if mum is selfish enough to stay with her boyfriend overnight despite her DD begging her not to, I wouldn't be surprised if there was more neglect going on.

Where is Dad? Is he in the picture? If she was taken from her mum whole mum sorted herself out, her dad would be first choice rather than foster care.

I felt terrible leaving DD to work once she started getting upset about it. I left eventually because of how upsetting DD found it. I can't imagine leaving her to meet a man if she asked me not to. I mean, I do still go out some weekends which she doesn't like but it a rare occasion and I always offer her an alternative to staying home alone.