Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Tracking a teenager

24 replies

Iloverupertp · 14/05/2018 17:55

My exdh has insisted on having a tracker on our 15dd phone.
She hasn’t done anything to break his trust but he sits there on an evening watching her every move.Even when she’s with me he likes to check this
I completely disagree with this as she always lets me know where she is.
I have told her to switch it off and if it comes to it I will get her a new phone contract.
This is the one thing he has insisted on paying for!
Before I go to battle I would appreciate your thoughts as this is all new territory for me
Do you have this on your children’s phones?i think it’s find my friend
Tia

OP posts:

JustDanceAddict · 14/05/2018 18:04

Yes. Not for nefarious means but it’s useful to see if theyve arrived safely somewhere or are on their way home and I don’t have to rely on them messaging. They both know I use it but probably forget!!

ParentInCharge · 14/05/2018 18:21

I track mine. It's not to keep tabs on where she is all the time but to be able to find her/her phone when I really need to. The problem with disabling the tracking is if the phone is ever lost or stolen you can't locate it. Find iPhone is a fantastic app for locating lost iPhones I may or may not use it all the damn time as I leave my phone everywhere in the house.

Perfectly reasonable to get her a new phone and contract yourself and leave her dad's phone at home. Though I would say it's wise to put something on there to make it traceable for safety reasons.

Original poster

Iloverupertp · 14/05/2018 18:26

I understand the safety thing but this is stalking
She’s only with him 2 nights a week which means he spends the rest of time checking up on her
An example of this when she was at mine one night and he texted her asking why she was in my garden and not in the house !
Please keep your thoughts coming

OP posts:

Pascall · 14/05/2018 18:28

I think his behaviour is obsessive.

I don't track my teens and have no plans to. Though dd(14) and I have discussed whether she'd like me to when she starts going to festivals etc in a year or two.

all a tracker will tell you is where the phone is. Not where your child is, who they are with, or what they are doing.

combatbarbie · 14/05/2018 18:29

Is the tracker an app or actually on the phone?

DrMadelineMaxwell · 14/05/2018 18:32

My friend has tracker apps linked for all people in her family. I find it a bit weird tbh but she just likes to be able to check where people are when she phones them etc.

ParentInCharge · 14/05/2018 18:34

Then definitely get a new contract. Let him wonder why DD (phone) is sitting in her room all day. Snooping and asking about it is creepy.

Tracking isn't that accurate anyway! DH and I have the ability to track each others phones but rarely do. When I did recently he was showing as in a completely different area, about 1 mile from where he actually was (then it changed back to his actual location when I logged in again). The same happens to me. It'll show me in a nearby field when I'm in my house with him.

Original poster

Iloverupertp · 14/05/2018 18:35

It’s ‘find my friends ‘which I think comes with iPhones
So he knows when she has switched it off and he lost it yesterday when she refused to put it back on
She hasn’t done anything to break our trust
Basically he doesn’t want her out past 6:30 pm

OP posts:

GlueSticks · 14/05/2018 18:56

At 15, if DD doesn't want to be tracked then you need a good reason to override her privacy. If she has never given you a reason to not trust her I'd be completely backing her on this.

pinkunicorn20 · 14/05/2018 18:59

If it is find friends on iPhone there is an option to stop him following, on that particular app you need to request a person before you can follow. A quick google will give better instructions, I had the same with xh tracking ds

Original poster

Iloverupertp · 14/05/2018 19:20

Pink
He knows if she switches it off though that’s the problem
I think the only solution is for me to get her a new phone and both of us face all the grief we’re going to get .He has already told her it has absolutely nothing to do with me !!

OP posts:

GrooovyLass · 14/05/2018 19:54

Not wanting her out after 6.30pm is ridiculous and simply not doable for a 15yo.

If she's not done anything to make you or him think that she's untrustworthy then not only is this a tremendous breach of privacy but I think that it's a potential cause for future anxiety problems.

Just imagine living your life knowing that another person is keeping tabs on you 24/7 - it doesn't bear thinking about.

WeAreGerbil · 14/05/2018 20:06

I stalk DD (15) on Snapchat maps, but then we are v close and she doesn't mind. She could stalk me too I guess if she wanted! Your DH does sound obsessive though.

combatbarbie · 15/05/2018 06:39

Not out after 6.30? My 6yr old plays out later than that (in an enclosed culdesac before anyone jumps in).

Sod that if be telling him he can stalk her on his time with her, but it's not happening when she's with you, and id use those words because that's what it is...stalking.

Remember he's an ex for a reason and your not beholden to him.

musicposy · 15/05/2018 06:41

This just seems so controlling to me. I understand why people do it but I never have and never would track my own teens. I've always just trusted they are where they say they are, and explained the dangers of lying to me.

I personally think it sets her up to allow abusive relationships in the future to think it's normal for someone to watch your every move. If she turns it on for her own safety and is happy (like Gerbil's daughter) all well and good. If he's insisting watching her every move, not good AT ALL in my opinion.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 15/05/2018 06:45

Nope I don't track mine, although they have quite a few friends whose parents do and this is late teens, 17/18. I find it very odd

WeAreGerbil · 15/05/2018 07:54

To be fair I'm probably exaggerating a bit about "stalking", I mainly use it when I'm wondering whether she's coming home for tea or if she's stayed on at school for something! We did have one incident when she wasn't where she said she was (party when friend's parents were away when she said she was at another friends) so I retain the right for her to turn Snapchat maps on if it's off, though it always seems to be on anyway.

ChristopherTracy · 15/05/2018 20:16

No. I don't track my 14 year old. Besides the trust issues involved, by turning that location stuff on you are giving all the tech companies unlimited info about your children's lives. I am trying to encourage them to wean themselves off their tech not show that I am dependant on it as well!

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 20:21

Just do what a friend did.. but a burn phone and leave the tracking one in her room after 7.

Aragog · 15/05/2018 20:26

I can see 16y dd (and dh for that matter) on Find my iPhone as they are all linked via family accounts on iTunes. However, we only use it if the other person knows it will be used and has said it is okay. For example, I will use it a couple of evenings a week when dh and DD come home together later than normal - so that I know when they've left and can get dinner on for us. DD used it to work out where to meet us a couple of week's ago when it was hard to give an exact description and easier to just use the map on the app.

So yes, we can track one another and do use it on occasions where it is useful. But we don't use it to stalk and we don't use it when the other person doesn't know about it.

I do, however, retain the 'right' to know where she is at night, if out late on. I've not felt the need to use it but if I was concerned I would do so.

BackInTime · 16/05/2018 21:17

We are all linked so can see where everyone is. It’s not always about stalking it’s useful - if DH is unusually late back from work I just check rather than distracting him while driving.

user1494670108 · 16/05/2018 22:24

I use for find my friends on iPhone too as it can be useful but I couldn't tell if someone was in the house or the garden? Are you sure he's not got something else on it too?
It sounds very wrong to me

MsJolly · 16/05/2018 22:34

We have the whole family in it so I could track them-I just don't! We mainly use it for finding lost phones in the house!
TBH it's not that accurate-have just checked and it seems to think that I am half way up my very long back garden when I am tucked up in bed-but on that premise your ex would be going ballistic!

Nb65988 · 26/05/2018 12:15

There's tracking for safety reasons and stalking her tell him ure taking the tracker off as he is not using it in correct way and u get her one for safety

Flip