When to say we can't do it anymore? Pls don't judge!

[ElzBevan]

We have a 14 year old daughter. I say we - my husband has been here since she was a year old. Her bio dad has abandoned her more than once....he currently lives in Thailand after telling her via facebook!
We have had a year of hell. Lying, stealing, running away, being beaten up, police at the door - you name it, she's been at the centre of it all.
Before today I have always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, no matter the battles I've had to fight on her behalf.
For the last few weeks we have been targeted by a group of kids, who just don't seem to like her... we couldnt figure it out. Each time she has been beaten we have supported her, each time these kids show up we call the police, and so on.
A few days ago my neighbour came to me and asked me to ask DD to stop throwing her fag ends into her garden - i jumped to her defence (as Usual)
last night we caught her smoking in her room - even when caught she denied it, even caught red handed. I took away her phone, laptop and told her she was grounded....
This morning DH takes me to work. by the time he gets home 30 mins later, she has packed some stuff and run.
this is the 4th time. the police have been informed, and will be out to search the house (again) in a bit.
DH went into her room, and has found evidence of smoking, sexual activity and shopliffting - lots of shopliffting.
We have 2 ds's (9 and 11) who are being massively affected.
At this point, when the police do find her, i have decided i don't want her back in the house. She can't tell the truth, even when confronted, she can't speak to anyone with respect, she has trashed her bedroom, and she steals.
Has anyone experience of this??!
If you got this far thanks for reading

Ummm.... shes14. You can't just get rid of her.
Sorry op, you're responsible for her, step up and take responsibility

I'm not judging you at all but I don't think you're justified in sending her into the care system. She will be less safe, you know. Many children in children's homes and foster homes suffer abuse.

Some parents have to cope with children who are very violent to their other children, who start fires and kill the family pets. I can understand a real tussle of conscience but it sounds like this is not the case for you, albeit it's very very hard. Smoking and sexual activity is not insufferable and will certainly not stop in a different home.

Police involvement is also not a sign that you shouldn't be expected to care for your child.

You mention an intolerable father who has abandoned her but don't say whether you have got her proper counselling, checked out her mental health etc. You also don't acknowledge that being abandoned by you is the worst thing that could happen to her.

So while I completely understand you feeling this way and don't judge, I don't think this is the right course of action.