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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Dd 15 not going out much

14 replies

loopy79 · 12/04/2018 15:59

I'm really struggling with my dd shes nearly 15. She has had a funny few years with friends. Its gradually got a bit better, she meets up maybe once or twice a month out of school with a few friends. Usually going somewhere particular like nando not just generally hanging around (like did when i was that age).
I have a ds who is a lot younger so I'm still around in the holidays for him, so a lot of the time she will just come along too. At her age i was always out! I just wish she would be a bit braver and arrange stuff herself. I try and encourage her but i dont want to feel like I'm always going on at her.
I know her friends go out a lot more than her. I know deep down i think she would like aswell.
I not sure if its my anxieties more than hers. Not sure how to deal with help!
Do i just have a frank conversation with her about just getting out there? I wonder if she just is relying on doing stuff with me and her ds to much.

OP posts:

EKMLS · 12/04/2018 19:12

Hi there! Im mum of four daugters at age 17,15,11,7. Their all individuals and there for their social lifes is diferent. My 15 year old isnt going loads but she has summer job and does paper round every morning. Also is involved in drama clubs and plays so that way she active and socialising more. I think you doing great by encouraging her and i would just have a chat with her to see if you can help any way with anything and what she has to say about your concerns

JiltedJohnsJulie · 12/04/2018 19:14

My DS is a year younger but is very much like this. After talking to him about it a lot, I’ve come to realise that he’s perfectly happy and doesn’t feel the need to be always out. He does do a couple of activities, a sport and Explorer Scouts. Does she do anything like that?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 12/04/2018 19:15

X-posted with EKMLS

Fairylea · 12/04/2018 19:19

I wouldn’t assume she wants to be out more. She may be happy with the way things are.

My dd is 15 and is a real introvert - as I was- and likes to be at home. She has one best friend she does go out with sometimes - this Easter they went to the cinema together- but she will never go out just to hang out, she thinks it’s boring. She would much rather be at home listening to music or watching tv or coming out with us and her brother (6) on whatever trip we’re doing.

Long may it continue! At least we don’t have to worry about boys and all the usual teenage dramas! I was 19 before I got a part time job and that finally got me more of a social life but before then I wasn’t interested at all.

kellyellenh · 13/04/2018 08:14

@loopy79 I’m reading this with interest. My dd (almost 14) is the same. I think some difficult friendship issues are shaping her into a more introvert, less trusting character.
That said, I don’t have the answer to fix it - I wish I did.
I think this is a very common topic on here and it breaks my heart to think there are so many young girls in this situation - it’s a shame there isn’t some kind of accompanied meet up that they could all go to, to widen their social circle (although they probably wouldn’t want to!)
My point is, you aren’t in this alone. There are lots of us mums struggling to rein in our own anxieties over our daughters friendship dramas and social lives. My body clock has taken to waking at 5, presumably so I can get in an extra few hours worry .
For me, I’m taking comfort in the fact these are all life lessons that we can’t teach. Simply pick the pieces up from!
I wish our strong ladies (because they will be) all of the luck and determination they need to get through these tricky years and out the other side. ❤️

Adversecamber22 · 13/04/2018 08:22

She is going out though not often plus have you checked if she is chatting on social media to her friends?

I'm not sure of your age, I have a teen but had him when older so am no spring chicken but the way teens interact has changed. Mine is very social but isnt out as much as I was, which was almost every day. He is however constantly chatting to various mates on his phone.

Original poster

loopy79 · 15/04/2018 13:18

Thanks everyone. To be honest i think I've decided this is a lot of my anxiety not hers.
She has had a funny few years with friends which i think has definitely effected her confidence a bit. But we had a chat on friday and she said shes fine as she is. She likes going to do planned stuff with her friends but said she also likes doing stuff at home and with us. She said she doesn't see the point of just hanging out.
I think i compare her to much to others or me at her age which is something i need to stop doing. I was a bit wild and out all the time and actually i would probably be pulling my hair out if she was like that.

OP posts:

JustDanceAddict · 15/04/2018 14:06

My DD is similar. She is also 15, but year 11, so studying for gcses atm. She doesn’t go out much, but she has said she’s not that bothered. She has friends in school and sees them occasionally out of school. It used to worry me more than it does now as she’s old enough to put herself ‘out there’ if she really wants to. She’d probably like a couple more ‘good’ friends, but she’s very fussy too & she has her quirks so I can see why she is how she is (she knows she’s an introvert).
She’s doing ncs in summer so that will be interesting as she’s signed up without knowing for sure anyone else going. That was totally her decision. It could be a game changer, or it might not make any difference to her social life, but she’s giving it a shot.
My DS, who’s 14 (year 9) has more friends but mainly they interact online. He does go out more in school hols though and I am more friendly with his friends’ parents so sometimes we get the boys together.
Neither are ‘party animals’, but there’s time for DS yet!!

justanotheruser18 · 15/04/2018 14:15

Some children aren't that sociable and feel more comfortable at home. I'd be glad to know where my 15 y/o was, tbh.

Beamur · 15/04/2018 14:18

Neither my DD nor my DSD were/are terribly sociable. They both have friends and do go out, but both of them enjoy being at home, are very good at amusing themselves and like hanging out with family.

BackforGood · 15/04/2018 14:21

I agree with others. I have 3dc, youngest now 16. They are all individuals. Only one of them has ever like 'just hanging out'. LEt her be.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 15/04/2018 18:00

Kids are all different

My 15 yr old DS likes being at home, and chats through his mic/headset to friends whilst gaming. He just is not that into hanging around aimlessly outside

Doryismyname · 15/04/2018 18:12

Like some PPs my main issue would be if she was spending too much time alone in her room. Far too many teens spend all day in their room staring at a screen and this impacts on their mental and physical health.

Trying2bgd · 15/04/2018 23:14

op I really relate and like many other pps, I used to really worry and occasionally I still do about my dd but I also realise you cannot force it. Keep communicating, keep supporting, nudge now and again but not all dcs want to socialise all the time or in the way we expect them to. Respect their choice.

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