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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds wants to go on holiday with his boyfriend

100 replies

Thepurpleonee · 16/02/2018 10:04

Hi my son is 14 and is openly gay. He has asked me if he can go on holiday for a couple of nights next week with his boyfrend who is 16. His boyfriends parents will also be there.
I don't know weather to say yes or no though what should I do ?????

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 16/02/2018 10:56

Think of it in terms of would you let a 14 year old daughter go on holiday with a boyfriend, or a 14 year old son on holiday with a 16 year old girlfriend. I personally think it's too young.

Original poster
Thepurpleonee · 16/02/2018 11:05

My ds I quite shy but knows his boyfriends family quite well. He goes to watch his boyfriends rugby matches with his boyfriends parents. I will speak to both of them about the trip later.

OP posts:
italiancortado · 16/02/2018 11:09

Are people missing the part where the parents are going too?

kimlo · 16/02/2018 11:13

mrsbeverley 21 was a long long time ago now. The age of consent was made 16 for everybody years ago.

kimlo · 16/02/2018 11:16

I've just looked it up, it was made 18 in 1994, and 16 in 2000.

SuburbanRhonda · 16/02/2018 11:19

Agree that if they want to have sex, an adult telling them they can’t win’t stop them.

When my DS was 15 and in a relationship I told him I’d prefer he waited, but if he didn’t, to always use a condom.

Scabetty · 16/02/2018 11:19

Given everything you have said I would let him go.

upsideup · 16/02/2018 11:21

LemonBreeland

What is the purpose of doing that? Why can't it just be viewed as what it is? A same sex relationship between two males

TheFairyCaravan · 16/02/2018 11:21

Absolutely not.

I wouldn’t let a 14yo girl go away with a 16yo boy and his parents either.

Shen0102 · 16/02/2018 11:33

if he was just a friend & not his bf would you let him go?

Fairylea · 16/02/2018 11:35

For me this has nothing to do with him being gay and all about the seriousness of the relationship. My dd is 14 and I wouldn’t let her go away on holiday with a boyfriend. I think that’s far too involved and heavy for a teen romance.

twinone · 16/02/2018 11:36

Yes, I would let him go seeing as his parent's are going.

zzzzz · 16/02/2018 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elementally · 16/02/2018 11:47

Do you seriously think that 2 teenagers engaging willingly in sexual activity together is rape? Bizarre.

italiancortado · 16/02/2018 11:48

you feel there is a possibility that someone might rape your child on this holiday then of course you must stop him going.

Oh for fucks sake.

Scabetty · 16/02/2018 11:51

Zzzzz really?

Original poster
Thepurpleonee · 16/02/2018 11:51

No I'm not worried at all. My son and his boyfriend have been together for 4 months nearly 5

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 16/02/2018 11:52

There really is no such crime as statutory rape in English law (don’t know about other UK countries).

So the real question is: what do you feel instinctively is the right response? Your DS is under the age of consent, and you need to parent him.

Mymumsaknob · 16/02/2018 11:56

no from me too, regardless of whether its a boyfriend or girlfriend your son has - hes too young.

SuburbanRhonda · 16/02/2018 12:02

what you are doing is condoning statutory rape.

And once again for the benefit of the hard of reading, there is no crime of statutory rape in the UK.

Original poster
Thepurpleonee · 16/02/2018 12:03

I have no issues with ds boyfriend he's great to my ds and my ds is really happy and says he loves him loads. Im just going to speak to ds and the other parents before I make decision

OP posts:
Somersetter · 16/02/2018 12:06

Only you can decide whether this is appropriate based on your knowledge of your ds, his bf, and the bf's parents. It may be ok, it may not be ok. If it's a very innocent relationship and you feel they're at the holding hands stage, then great. If you feel the bf's parents are very much the same as you in their attitudes then equally it may be fine. Would your ds and his bf be sharing a room? Sharing a bed?

The fact he's gay wouldn't enter into the equation for me, but 14 is pretty young.

I couldn't possibly judge based on the info you've given.

SilverHairedCat · 16/02/2018 12:09

It's a no from me. Much too young. And yes to any sex being illegal. Statutory rape still exist.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/02/2018 12:10

No I wouldn't have allowed that at 14, regardless of girlfriend/boyfriend, too young.

zenasfuck · 16/02/2018 12:13

As the mother of a 14 year old son, I’d be saying no. Regardless of whether it’s a girlfriend or a boyfriend, a holiday with a partner is a relatively grown up thing to do and at 14 I wouldn’t want my son in that situation.

At 14 I’d prefer they kept it to a snog and a quick grope if necessary not holidaying together