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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

V Inappropriate Messages

14 replies

SquashedToes · 14/02/2018 00:37

DD (13) has received a number of messages over the past few days from a boy in her year asking what she is wearing, is she wearing underwear, does she mastubate.....
Also on a group chat this boy said he wanted to lock her in a dungeon and have sex with her. He seems to be a real pest and there are lots of other messages, but these are the worst.
DD has told him to stop, ignore the comments now has uninstalled the app.
Someone anonymously told the school (which is how I became aware). So far the school haven't spoken to me or the boy as far as I am aware, but they did want to see DDs phone and check her accounts. What would you expect to happen?
(so as not to drip feed, it seems he has done this to another girl also)

OP posts:
MorningstarMoon · 14/02/2018 00:47

Your DD should allow them to check her phone. At the end of the day teenagers do at some point send sext messages (which are wrong) but this boy seems to border on creepy "I want to lock you in a dungeon and have sex with you" he needs counselling or at the very least a talking to, especially if your daughter has said no and to stop.

Original poster
SquashedToes · 14/02/2018 01:07

Yes, I wasn't clear she did let school look at her phone. The boy is in her year but I think he is almost a year older.

OP posts:
Lilymossflower · 14/02/2018 01:18

Th school should definitely be made aware of this. I would consider it sexual harassment. Wouldn't be surprised if they didn't take it seriously though. Bloody patriarchy

MakeItStopNeville · 14/02/2018 01:59

She’s 13, getting aggressively sexual messages and the first thing you know about it is when someone else complains to the school?! You know you have full control of their access to the internet, right? Especially at this age when they are learning to navigate the massive load of bollocks that’s out there. This isn’t 1996. Our kids need help learning what’s ok and what’s not ok to say online as well as what’s ok and not ok to receive online.

I can’t believe the school hasn’t contacted you. I’d be going bonkers on that bit alone!

MakeItStopNeville · 14/02/2018 02:00

That wasn’t supposed to read quite as aggressively as it might! Sorry! Blush

BlindLemonAlley · 14/02/2018 07:34

So just to clarify OP, you found this out through a third party and not through the school or your DD? If this is the case I would be furious.

cdtaylornats · 14/02/2018 08:32

You know you have full control of their access to the internet, right?

It is seriously sweet that an adult still believes this about a teenager.

user187656748 · 14/02/2018 08:34

*You know you have full control of their access to the internet, right?

It is seriously sweet that an adult still believes this about a teenager.*

She's 13 not 18. If the parents don't have control of their access to the internet then something has gone wrong Hmm.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 14/02/2018 08:35

Which app was it Squashed?

BlindLemonAlley · 14/02/2018 11:34

I have posted thread recently about how common sexting is and the difficulties monitoring online activity on things on Snapchat as messages disappear. You can have full access to your DCs devices but you can never be certain that you are seeing everything. Teenagers are incredibly good at hiding things and they are often more savvy than their parents when it comes tech. Assuming that because you have control that nothing like this will ever happen is a bit foolish. In the OPs case I would be concerned and talking to her DD about why she didn’t come to them when she was alarmed by these messages.

Original poster
SquashedToes · 14/02/2018 11:57

It was on Snapchat. I do check her phone but not daily, and also I think at this age they are one step ahead anyway with a gazillion different ways to chat/message, so my approach has generally been to keep an eye but really to encourage responsibility.

In the case here DD did tell me, but only once the school was on to it (I think what happened was that she discussed it with her friends and one of them was concerned mentioned it on the schools 'bullying reporting tool').

It seems that she thought the boy was flirting with her and it was normal laddishness, but somewhere it crossed a line and became creepy and inappropriate. She has learnt (from school and me) that she has to speak up sooner.

The head called today and the boy and his parents will be spoken to.

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 14/02/2018 14:58

Def show the messages to school. And as for having access to their internet- Pmsl! Virtually impossible unless you instal spyware on their phones. A lot of them have at least 2 insta accounts, snapchat, WhatsApp etc. Better to instill in them a knowledge of what to not post online & to let you know if they get any dodgy messages. My kids have let me know (not received sexual ones afaik, but let me know of any unpleasantness or random people messaging them).

BlindLemonAlley · 14/02/2018 16:29

So glad OP sounds like the school are dealing with itFlowers Also glad that the school had the tools for this to be reported and that your DD has the kind of friend that stepped up when something was wrong.

An big lesson learned for the boy concerned but as mentioned before this is sadly a pretty common occurrence for today’s teens. The access to explicit stuff online has given many a pretty warped idea of how to behave towards the opposite sex.

JDilla · 15/02/2018 00:55

Some kids are dicks, if you're Daughter is smart she'll know not to go near someone like that.

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