We were only out for two hours...

[roband]

....And 15 yes old DS invited gods knows who into our house I am so angry. The place was trashed. Cheap cider poured over things including our bed and carpet.graffitti on the walls Mirrors pulled off walls. Smashed lamps. But worst of all someone has stolen money and watches from us including an omega that I got as a special present for my DH and over £100 in cash that my older DS had in his room as part of his 18th birthday money. I have never been so raging. I feel like not only has my DS completely let us down but that he is being taken for a total mug by these people. And as far as the stolen stuff goes, I just don’t know what to do. So so upset I could weep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP - what did the police say? Hopefully they will interview your DS and anyone named as being involved - it will scare them about future behavior if nothing else.

Your being far too soft on your son, stop making excuses for him. I'd have rung the police the second I noticed things missing.

Do not excuse your sons behaviour otherwise he'll do it again. At any point he could have rang you when things got out of hand, but he didn't. He allowed it to happen and probably knew people were stealing things due to the amount they took.

I'm very sorry your dealing with this on new year's day and I really hope you get your things back.

Your being far too soft on your son, stop making excuses for him. I'd have rung the police the second I noticed things missing.

^Completely agree

With clara on this but you know your son better than us

So sorry OP.
It's no consolation but this happened to me when I was 15.
My parents were away for the weekend and I invited 8 people round for the evening (which wouldn't have been allowed in itself).

Forty gatecrashers turned up. This was before the days of the internet so it was all word of mouth.

They trashed my mum's new cream carpet. I couldn't get them to leave. It was a nightmare. Things went missing.

Our neighbours were falling over themselves to dob me in. I was in so much trouble and I don't think my mum has ever forgiven me.
I was mortified but I couldn't talk to her to explain, I felt so used by these people.

So I'm feeling really sorry for you but also your DS. In the end it's your relationship with him that is the important thing.

I hope the police have been contacted.

Why are you waiting until he wakes up? If you're up then wake him up and get him to start making a list of names whilst you list what is missing.

Regardless of whether your son was used by his mates or whether he instigated it he absolutely needs to talk to you about this, give you names and explain what happened. I think you have been too soft on him.

I'd also be checking his phone and other devices.

I hope the police have been contacted
Even though I know my son would never be involved in doing this to someone's home, if he came in today covered in spray paint and with "new" belongings, he would be explaining how he got like that.

If he said the graffiti was outside then I would expect him to take me to see it otherwise I would look on FB, IG, SC (whatever) and if I saw your story, I would be calling the police myself to say that I think my son was involved.

I am disgusted that other parents must know what their kids have done and they aren't either on the phone to the police themselves or dragging them to yours to apologise.

You can be kind to him and understanding that it wasn't his intention, whilst still getting across the seriousness of the situation.
He's feeling bad about it. You don't want to be so lacking in understanding that it wasn't actually him trashing the place, that he gets angry at the fact that you are blaming him totally. I'm not sure if I've explained that well but I know that sometimes you can get so defensive at all the anger directed at you when something wasn't intentional, that it negates your genuine remorseful feelings.

Yes he screwed up badly but it wasn't his intention. Help him see that these people aren't his friends and help him learn from this experience.

Agree with whinesalot, the boy obviously has trouble being sociable, he got it very wrong and the consequences are serious. Mum and Dad need to show how serious this is while enabling him to make better choices next time. This boy is probably mortified and upset and needs someone to show him the right way.

No downside to getting the police involved. Your DS did nothing wrong and the people who did this are not friends in any way.

You must tell the insurers. You may not be able to claim much for this incident but it is a material incident and if you do NOT tell them any future claims could be refused as well. They will probably increase your premium at renewal as well because this incident shows your house is a higher risk.

How do you not know more facts? Did you not ask him if these were invited people? Did he plan a small party that got out of hand? How did the people get in the house did he let them in it did they just come in? Why didn't he call the police or you? You must have asked him about these things surely?

I can imagine why many a youngish teen would panic and not call 999. They won't have come across this kind of behaviour before, would feel scared and worried but often feel unable to react accordingly - think flight or fright response that all people go through. He may have been or felt threatened even if just verbal, and also scared of the consequences of calling someone - just hoping they'd leave him and the house alone.

It's easy as an adult to say well, why didn't they do xyz but the reality if that a teenage brain doesn't work in the same manner as an adult and they can find situations far harder to deal with than adults do.

How’s the day been OP?

Wake your son up good and early, and tell him you will call the police to interview him if he does not cough up the names of the people who were in your home.

Tell him he is to show you their contact information. Keep it.

Then call the police anyway. Give the police the names and whatever contact information you have.