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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

We were only out for two hours...

92 replies

roband · 01/01/2018 07:30

....And 15 yes old DS invited gods knows who into our house I am so angry. The place was trashed. Cheap cider poured over things including our bed and carpet.graffitti on the walls Mirrors pulled off walls. Smashed lamps. But worst of all someone has stolen money and watches from us including an omega that I got as a special present for my DH and over £100 in cash that my older DS had in his room as part of his 18th birthday money. I have never been so raging. I feel like not only has my DS completely let us down but that he is being taken for a total mug by these people. And as far as the stolen stuff goes, I just don’t know what to do. So so upset I could weep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
dementedma · 01/01/2018 09:26

why the hell didn't he phone you when it was getting out of control? Or secretly phone the police ? I understand that things got out of control but he just let it happen and did nothing?

Viviennemary · 01/01/2018 09:44

It does sound like deliberate acts of vandalism rather than just careless teenagers. Certainly call the police and get in touch with your insurance company.

princesssparkle1 · 01/01/2018 09:45

He's 15 @dementedma !

He has zero clue what to do and was probably scared to death and hiding the fear with bravado!

extinctspecies · 01/01/2018 09:45

What exactly happened? Was the party still going on when you got back, or had they all left by then?

You should be able to track some of them down. Make sure you tell their parents.

And yes, report to 101.

DoinItForTheKids · 01/01/2018 09:48

Hello? Wake the little sod up, or, even better, get a nice policeman to come round and he can wake up to that!

Why are you NOT phoning the police - why?

If there was ever an incident that needed serious, obvious and painful consequences then this is it - do you want him to learn and develop into a useful grown up or not?

I'm staggered in how far your head is in the sand.

CALL. THE. POLICE!

BewareOfDragons · 01/01/2018 09:49

Call the police.

He's 15. Of course he should have been able to have been left on his own.

Call the police. And get your DS to start coughing up names.

FrancisCrawford · 01/01/2018 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dailystuck71 · 01/01/2018 09:52

Usually the trashing of a property is what happens. Stealing in an “empty” as we call it here doesn’t happen because you can be caught with having the property. The damage can’t be proven.

Yes, check your insurance. A house local to me was so badly damaged just before Christmas about 4years ago the family had to move out for 8months. None of the presents were touched so ipads, cameras etc.

You do need to call the police. I suspect your DS has no idea this was going to happen.

RhythmNBooze · 01/01/2018 09:53

I might be going against the grain here but I don't think you should make him pay for the losses. Yes, people he knows came round but he wasn't to blame for their behaviour. Get names and report it to the police. Insurance will need a police report.

dementedma · 01/01/2018 09:55

princess my ds is 15 and not particularly worldly wise but in a situation like this would probably have shut himself in the loo and phoned us to come home quickly and help. If OP's ds isn't capable of getting help in an emergency situation, he shouldn't be left alone.

metalmum15 · 01/01/2018 10:10

Exactly what Francis said. He can go back to bed later, first get all the information you can out of him then call the police. Valuable items have been stolen, if you let the little scrotes get away with it, who's to say they won't try it again? How long were they actually in your house to cause all that damage and why didn't he think to call you, or get help from a neighbour? I really hope this makes him realise those kind of people are not who he wants for friends.

Original poster
roband · 01/01/2018 10:14

Thanks everyone for your comments. You are right. We do need to call the police and report it. It’s a lot of stuff and we can now add an amazon Alexa to it as well I think. Oh and the £1 coin out of the new purse my mum gave me for Christmas. Absolute Wee scum bags the lot of them DS got bawled out and shouted at and cleaned up stuff before he went to bed. We were all up till about 430 and tbh I have had no sleep. Spoke to one of the two mums I know and she is also raging and will make a list with her boy. 2018 can only get better surely...

OP posts:
MudCity · 01/01/2018 10:21

Take photos of the damage.

Contact the police.

Wake son up.

Once you have sought advice from the police, give son cleaning equipment and set him to work. A namby-pamby approach won’t work here.

In the long term consider how your son can develop social skills by joining clubs or taking up a hobby. His lack of social awareness will get him into a mess so it’s important that this is dealt with.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 01/01/2018 10:27

I would think your DS is pretty traumatised by all this too OP.

This is a horrible thing for you to have to deal with but it doesn't sound like he meant it to happen.

I would call the other parents / police and try to be kind to DS - It sounds as though he's probably learned his lesson.

Thanks
PersianCatLady · 01/01/2018 10:35

Insurance does not pay out when people are guests of any member of the household.

Sorry.

PersianCatLady · 01/01/2018 10:38

The police will have a scheme to contact all local pawnbrokers about the items, contact them if you want to get the items back.

You need to find out if these kids were invited in or gatecrashers as well.

PersianCatLady · 01/01/2018 10:40

Vet
It may still be theft but insurers do not generally pay out on theft by invited guests.

MachineBee · 01/01/2018 10:41

Agree with PPs that you must call police. It will make a big impression on you DS if they are involved and make him realise how serious this is.

Take lots of photos for them and insurance company.

The insurance people will probably send around a loss adjustor at some point - you’re unlikely to get money back for everything. Sort out receipts etc to prove value and age of things.

Once the dust settles you need to help your son make better friends and social networks so that he has skills to handle twats much more effectively.

meandmytinfoilhat · 01/01/2018 10:44

Echoing the pps suggestion of contacting the police.

Do you know any of the teens that your son associates with?

I'm feeling for you Op, what a horrible thing to happen.

mummyhaschangedhername · 01/01/2018 10:52

Police and insurance ... you son needs to also pay you for damages and losses, especially given his reluctance to tell who came.

Lovesagin · 01/01/2018 10:54

I do feel a bit for your ds but he's 15 and knows better, he could have called you secretly if he was scared or overwhelmed.

He can learn a very harsh lesson as well as have your sympathy and support. I wouldn't hesitate to call the police but let him know it's just so you can try and get some of your stuff back and not because you want him to get in trouble with them.

It's hard, I was a bit of a loner and would have done anything to try and fit in but would never have done this to my parents.

Haffdonga · 01/01/2018 10:59

Agree the police.

But I'm not sure about punishments and vitriol directed against your ds by some posters. It sounds to me like he is being bullied and controlled by this group of arseholes and he may not have the social skills to see it or stand up to it..

You know your ds. Has he stolen from you himself before? Has he trashed your belongings before? If this is out of character for him then he is as much a victim of this gang as you and your dh are. He needs to be protected from them whether he likes it or not.

Oblomov18 · 01/01/2018 11:04

Have you considered the chances of getting any of the stuff back? My sil posted on FB (only to her friends, not generally) that her sons bike was stolen. Before long, someone spotted it was for sale on gumtree. One of the dads pretended to be interested, asked to come and look at it, and it was recovered.

I also think that a 15 year old, no matter how meek or shy, should have phoned you. Or is not old enough/mature enough to be left.

Lovesagin · 01/01/2018 11:05

I am thinking how he has gone to sleep if he's that sorry/scared/upset/a victim. I admit I am basing that on how I'd be though, I'd be mortified, wouldn't be able to sleep for being upset, helping mum and dad clean up and giving as much info as I could etc, not sure I'd be snoozing!

claraschu · 01/01/2018 11:07

How is your son, OP? If this were my socially awkward boy (I have one) he would have been deeply upset, humiliated, and traumatised by this. If your son was just at the point of thinking he finally had friends, and then was forced to see that they were actually abusive and cruel people, who didn't care about or like him, he may be absolutely devastated. If this had been my son, the hurt to him would have been the worst damage done.

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