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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found some xanax and valium

51 replies

poppym12 · 11/12/2017 14:06

In son's room. He's 18. I know he indulges in weed. We have had previous discussions and disagreements over it.

However, finding benzodiazapines has floored me and I'm not sure what to do.

Any advice?

OP posts:
BrownJenkins · 11/12/2017 16:53

Hi.
Didn't want to read and run.
I'm having a similar problem with my niece who lives with me.
She's 17 and we have talked till I'm blue in the face.
Youngsters just don't see the dangers as we do.

Hope someone helpful comes along with advice for you soon.

Original poster
poppym12 · 11/12/2017 17:27

Thank you for replying brown. Is your niece using benzodiazapines too? I am struggling with this as God knows where he's getting them from, how often and how many he takes. It really doesn't take long to create a dependency on them.

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 11/12/2017 17:36

It's super common and super dangerous. Do some googling, but the combo of weed and benzodiazapines is really bad news and what all the teenagers are doing these days.

Branleuse · 11/12/2017 18:11

does he have anxiety?

Seems all the things hes using are commonly used for anxiety or by anxious people

Original poster
poppym12 · 11/12/2017 19:37

He has always been quiet, nervous and easily led, trying to 'fit in'. his confidence improved after he finished school but his weed intake through college got worse. He's working now and doing really well but goes all out at weekends and has been still bleary eyed on a Monday morning. I thought it was alcohol and weed and we've talked and talked about it but he just trots out the I'm not stupid ' line.

OP posts:
Original poster
poppym12 · 11/12/2017 19:39

I know sophia. Add alcohol into the mix and it's a bomb waiting to go off.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 11/12/2017 19:41

Don't want to scard you but where is he getting them from?

Drugs from UK pharmacies can be trusted to be what they claim but there have been lots of cases of drugs bought online being anything from inert to being laced with fentanyl.

PersianCatLady · 11/12/2017 19:44

Please Google fake Xanax.

Xanax isn't widely prescribed In the UK but one of the most commonly sold benzos online.

Do the Xanax pills look like bars that you can snap into five pieces?

Original poster
poppym12 · 11/12/2017 19:45

I have no idea persian. No idea at all. All of his friends seem to be doing the same.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 11/12/2017 19:45

It must be so scary.

Can you talk to him about It?

Thisnamechanger · 11/12/2017 19:46

He might be using it for comedowns, I know loads of people that only use them if they're coming down off ecstasy or speed. Then again I took them for a year and ended up in rehab so please please talk to him!

Original poster
poppym12 · 11/12/2017 19:48

The tub labelled alazapram (sp?) looks to contain a few 10mg valium pills. The xanax (alazapram) are loose in a couple of bags. The bars look like they snap into 4 pieces, with 2 embossed on the rear which I presume means overall strength of 2mg per pill.

OP posts:
BrownJenkins · 11/12/2017 21:15

Poppym
She basically is taking anything she can get her hands on. If it can be swallowed, smoked or sniffed, she's there.
Of course she denies it. Only admits to the weed but when you see the state she gets in, there's no way it's just weed.
As I said earlier, I've talked till I'm blue in the face. The police visited her and tried to get her to understand how dangerous her use is. She just sat there denying everything.
I don't know what to do. I do know that these drugs are so easy to get hold of and dirt cheap.
Makes me so angry.

Original poster
poppym12 · 11/12/2017 21:23

Well he's got none tonight (unless he had more stashed). I'm pretty sure that this is not a new thing as I've voiced my concerns to him about his weird/slow demeanour occasionally and he's said he's tired as he's been working hard blah blah blah.

Ffs. I wasn't expecting this.

OP posts:
BrownJenkins · 11/12/2017 21:40

I don't think anyone expects it.
I just wish there was a way of getting through to them.
Even when I know my niece hasn't got a penny on her, she'll go out for half an hour, come back stoned with a small bag of weed or a couple of pills.
We live in a quiet village, the nearest town is 20 minutes drive away, so God knows where she's getting it from.

Original poster
poppym12 · 11/12/2017 21:48

We do too and none of his current friends live in the village. Most of them drive now though.

OP posts:
Original poster
poppym12 · 11/12/2017 21:52

I really am at a loss as to how to get through to him namechanger. I swear they all think they're invincible and that the stories we hear about on the news never really happen. No drinker/drug taker/ smoker sets out to be an addict so I suppose it's a 'that'll never happen to me' kind of thing.

OP posts:
Lollipopp · 11/12/2017 22:21

First thing, please don't google things, it will just make you worry more and freak out. I really wanted to reply to this as I was once one of those teenagers, scared the hell out of my mum. I feel awful for what I put her through, but I was young, and very very depressed. You say he had always been quite shy and to himself. I would never tell my mum how I felt because I felt like she wouldn't understand or listen, I couldn't tell her 'yes I take x and y to make me feel better because I feel like this' . The underlying cause of drug taking and addiction are things like anxiety and depression. Having a go at him to stop taking them although I know you really really want to, is not going to help. I know this must be so so hard to see your son do this, but you should really try talking to him sensitively. Try and build up a connection slowly, to try and get him to open up to you, don't force it. And eventually when he feels he can talk to you and trust you he will open up to you. It's going to take time, but honestly, as a teenager who done this, and spent a lot of time with teenagers who done this, this is the only way people where able to get through to us and eventually help us. Explaining the dangers dosent help, remember teenagers know everything (!) you have to get to the underlying cause of why he's taking these. Some people can take drugs ever so often and be fine, a festival every year or so, and use benzodiazepines for comedowns,and that's it they do it again in a year or so and are absiloutly fine. But at the same time, another set of people start doing this more and more which without them knowing, becomes an addiction, and take things like benzodiazepines just to feel high. I really hope for both your sakes he's okay and just left them lying around from a one off. The only way you can stop people from taking any kind of drug, like weed and benzodiazepines with support, a lot of love , and talking. Sending Thanks

Original poster
poppym12 · 11/12/2017 22:30

Thank you lollipop, very helpful.

This will not be a one off. It may be that all of them aren't for him but he's got the bags but either way, I think he takes something along with weed/alcohol at weekends and who knows what during the week. I haven't been able to speak to him about it yet. I need to tread carefully as he will get very defensive, angry, deny things and lie then make promises he doesn't keep. As these are benzos, I think it could be a bigger issue than weed or weekend drinking and I really don't want to push him away.

OP posts:
Thisnamechanger · 11/12/2017 23:00

It's so hard poppy Sad

Benzos are terrible. I spoke to opiate users in the clinic who said they'd choose coming off opiates over benzos. The trouble is it feels like such a benign addiction when you've got loads of them but when you run out, even for a day, you'd rather throw yourself off a bridge than put up with it. I think young people feel a bit like drug habits makes you cool, whereas it actually makes you utterly miserable. It's not cool or fun, it's just a long hard slog to get out the end.

Thisnamechanger · 11/12/2017 23:02

Also is there's one thing you are able to get through to him it's not mixing benzos and alcohol. Even I didn't do that. Sad

Lollipopp · 11/12/2017 23:33

I took everything, and for me, weed was the hardest thing to come off of surprisingly, it was the one I started on and the one consistent. Once I was able to go through days without smoking weed, that's when I really started to get better and didn't need the other ones. You need to get to the underlying cause, try and spend time with him everyday, positively, even if you do know he's smoking, don't bring it up, just try and keep every moment with him positive and try and build a relationship and trust, then slowly, try and bring up things casually, ask him why he takes it, then change the subject, if he's not being very 'giving' Give him time to reply and expand on how he's feeling. Try and talk to him openly about any problems you've had in the past, if you had any depression, anxiety, if you took any drugs at all. You need that connection for him to trust you, and to open up to you, then you can get to the root of the problems of why he's taking it and come up with a solution together of alternatives. Honestly, I wish my mum had done this with me, and now that me and my mum have got to that point in our relationship, I'm able to call her up and say 'hey, I'm having a bad day. I'd love to smoke or take ...' and she talks about why I want to do this, what I could do alternatively, and be a person to speak to. And I have been clean for years now, because I have that relationship. People take drugs to fill a gap in themselves. To make them happier, to make them less anxious, he's being defensive because he honestly thinks it helps. Give him a big hug and let him know how much you love him. That's all me and anyone else who took drugs and then went onto an addiction wanted. Love and support. Have a look at if they have a talking therapy service like time to talk, for future reference when you're able to get to the point of being able to talk about his anxiety and what you could do to help. But don't bring this up until he himself has brought up he has issues. Tread carefully, be positive and tell him how much you love him as much as you can x

19lottie82 · 12/12/2017 13:38

I’d also doubt the Xanax were genuine. They’re not really prescribed in the UK but it’s easy to buy fake ones on the internet. Same for Valiums, Doctors rarely prescribe them these days, apart from the 2mg ones that are very weak.

Lollipopp not all kids take drugs because they’re missing something in their life or are depressed. A lot take them because they’re fun, as simple as that.

PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 13:43

First thing, please don't google things, it will just make you worry more and freak out
Sorry I absolutely disagree with this.

There is a huge problem at the moment with fake Xanax bars being laced with fentanyl.

The OP absolutely needs to talk to her son about where he is getting these drugs from.

Taking a few genuine diazepam from someone's medicine cabinet is bad enough but at least you know what they are.

Another problem with these Xanax bars is that some contain nothing so people take more of them to get an effect and then when they have got the fentanyl laced ones they overdose immediately.

If your child is buying these online, they are most likely being posted to your house.

Has your child started to show a new interest in the post when it arrives??

Lollipopp · 12/12/2017 14:01

I totally get where you're coming through, last poster ( I'm new and don't know how to quote) but like I said, as someone who has been in her sons position and was/still has friends in these positions, and is now helping others to stop drugs, this does not work. If a drug user wants to take drugs, they will take them, through whatever means. If he's getting them online, and you're able to stop this, he'll start getting them on the street. Vice Versa. By reading up yourself you're going to make yourself mad with horror stories, and stress yourself out more with worry but the person will carry on taking them. Yes drugs are dangerous, but the person taking them knows this and in cases of addictions they do not care. The best thing you can do is get him to trust you and connect with you so then you can tell him to look at websites like talk to frank, so he can look for himself the damage these things do. And if he does not care about the damage, once you have that connection and show him how much it's hurting this will motivate him to stop. The only way a drug taker will stop taking drugs is if it's their own decision.