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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found some xanax and valium

51 replies

poppym12 · 11/12/2017 14:06

In son's room. He's 18. I know he indulges in weed. We have had previous discussions and disagreements over it.

However, finding benzodiazapines has floored me and I'm not sure what to do.

Any advice?

OP posts:
esk1mo · 12/12/2017 14:05

to be honest xanax are very “popular” right now, especially due to social media and depending on what music he likes, alot of american rappers take xanax.

they are probably geniune imo. they are so easily bought online these days its scary.

i dont really have any advice to offer, ive been through this with someone close to me and no amount of advice/lecturing helped. i had to wait for them the fuck up on their own before they changed (which happened to be when they got arrested for posession)

esk1mo · 12/12/2017 14:08

also virtually no young adults realise or know how addictive they are. he probably started with valium and wanted something stronger.

he probably doesnt realise he has become dependent, because he “only” takes 1/2 to start the day, or 1/4 in the evening.

if he becomes clumsy/falling asleep early/taking nonsense then he’s probably taking more and more

PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 14:08

The only way a drug taker will stop taking drugs is if it's their own decision
I know, as I was once in the same situation as the OP's child. Not benzos though, amphetamines.

It just scares me that even though benzos are bad enough, these fake and laced drugs from the internet are even worse.

Original poster
poppym12 · 12/12/2017 16:39

Of course I've Googled. Firstly to find out exactly what they were. Who wouldn't? I'm trying to stay rational and believe that not everyone ends up addicted or alone on the streets.
I've spoken to him, calmly, voiced my concerns and hopefully left the metaphorical door open. I received the usual response of 'oh, they're not mine. They belong to a friend. I'm not stupid y'know". No dear. Neither am I.

They are not being sent to my address, I'm 100% certain of that and in all honesty, does anyone really think that a conniving teen would say where they came from? They know everything, remember Hmm

OP posts:
LemonysSnicket · 12/12/2017 16:41

Xanax etc are often used to calm people down/ bring them back to earth when they've indulged in E or Acid, btw. Id be ripping him room apart.

PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 16:45

Poppy.
As hard as it is try not to imagine things like him being on the street.

There is a word for that kind of thinking I think it is catastrophising.

Can you sit your son down and talk to him?

There are two issues here, him taking drugs and bringing them into your room.

Some parents accept that their kids will try drugs but they will not allow them in their home.

PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 16:49

If you do get packages in the post addressed to him that you aren't expecting I would only give them yo him yo open in front of you.

So many kids get drugs in the post now it is mad.

Saying they belong to someone else isn't good enough.

Who is so important that your son is looking after their drugs putting your home at risk in the event it is searched by the police?

What did you do with the drugs when you found them?

Please tell me you flushed them and he hasn't still got them.

Original poster
poppym12 · 12/12/2017 17:51

As tempting as it is to rip his room apart, that will finish any line of communication we have. I don't want that to happen.
I will speak to him again soon.

Yes Persian, I took the pills when I found them yesterday. I don't know if he had any more.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 17:59

I think you have to accept that if he wants to take drugs then he will.

He needs to know that under no circumstances are any drugs to be brought into the home.

I don't know if you have younger kids or what sort of job you do (need DBS for work) bug NO DRUGS IN MY HOUSE is so important.

If your son is arrested outside the home for a drugs offence then the police will, most likely also search your home.

You need to be supportive but not enabling so no more money from you while he is taking drugs.

How is home life right now?

Is he talking to you or just always out of the house?

Original poster
poppym12 · 12/12/2017 18:53

That's been my rule from the off, fat lot of notice was taken. I don't give him money, he works full time.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 19:33

I really don't know what you can do.

If you found more drugs tonight in your home, what would you do?

Just to be on the safe side and it is always handy to know things like this, I would look at the current advice on first aid and getting help for a person who may have taken drugs.

You will, probably never need to know this but if there is ever a situation in your home with your son, then you will know what to do rather than panic.

endofthelinefinally · 12/12/2017 19:43

Valium kills.
I know this from bitter experience.
If I had my time over again I would have involved the police.
I gave this advice to a friend recently and his son was ordered to do rehab rather than prison.
He was lucky.
My son is dead.

Original poster
poppym12 · 12/12/2017 19:43

I don't know what I'd do right now persian.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 19:47

poppy
I think you need some advice and support.

Could you make a nurse or GP appointment at your surgery to get advice for you to deal with this?

Have you tried the Talk To Frank website? They used to have a telephone helpline.

Going to have a look now.

PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 19:48

Talk to Frank has some great advice and a helpline which you could look at tonight.

PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 19:53

I think you need to sit him down and ask him about it and see if he wants help.

You need to tell him your fears but not in a blackmailing way.

He needs to know that a drug conviction or even caution could seriously affect his future employment prospects.

But be prepared for him to not give a shit.

At the end of the day, are you prepared to have him in your home when he is using drugs?

Original poster
poppym12 · 12/12/2017 20:18

I took advice from one of the helplines today and I've done what they advised. Talk to him calmly and offer help if needed. I asked questions, got the usual denial response but stayed calm so hopefully it's given him food for thought. I have to work out my next move as I really don't want to push him away.

OP posts:
Original poster
poppym12 · 12/12/2017 20:21

That's chilling endof. I'm very sorry. I'm not sure what I would be involving police in right now? Possession? Taking drugs? I don't know.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 20:26

I would definitely read up on what to do in an emergency from Talk To Frank, it is handy to know for life in general.

I would say to your son that after Christmas you want a proper conversation about what is going on.

That gives you time to decide what you want to do.

Now, next bit is hard, I could not tell mgbparents anything and actually it made me more vulnerable when I was using drugs.

For example, if i was in a bad way I wouldn't go home, I would walk the streets or stat with strangers to avoid seeing my parents and this lead to other bad things. (Another topic, another day)

If you can cope with seeing him in a state, I would make sure that he knows you are there to help him and he can always come to you.

Personally I would rather deal with a wasted teenager and keep them safe than find out something bad happened to them because they didn't feel as if they could come home.

Do you have any one to talk to in real life?

PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 20:28

The police issue may get taken out of your hands in the future but for now i can see why you don't want to involve them

How is your son doing at work because a drug habit and good work ethic don't usually go together that well.

endofthelinefinally · 12/12/2017 20:34

Valium is a controlled drug.
It is illegal to posess it without a prescription.
I dont know, op. I tried absolutely every single avenue to get help for my son. Except the police.
He tried to get help from a charity. Thry were too busy to see him.
Ditto NHS.
Paid for private consultation. The person he saw was really rude and unpleasant, so that didnt go well.
We just ran out of time and there was no help available from anywhere.
Because he was over 18, nobody would talk to me. Apparantly he had to sort it all out himself because of confidentiality. So I wasnt allowed to make appointments or phone anyone on his behalf.
It is so difficult.

MrMeSeeks · 12/12/2017 20:36

they are probably geniune imo. they are so easily bought online these days its scary.
Really? It's hard enough getting an actual prescription for some of these for a genuine need that its scary that you can just buy them online!

Sounds like you're trying op.
Can't imagine how you're feeling!

PersianCatLady · 12/12/2017 20:37

You can set up a Tor browser and online marketplace in about 15 minutes, including Googling to find out how to do it.

Original poster
poppym12 · 12/12/2017 20:49

He's spent most of the day watching Netflix. Back to work tomorrow. He's doing really well at work apparently but I've told him how serious an impact his behaviour could have.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 12/12/2017 22:08

Talking to him calmly is the Best thing you can do op, that is brilliant.
My mum went hysterical, cried, said she would die of worry etc, and it drove me away to dodgy people and situations.
I think I would have got clean a lot quicker if I'd have had someone to talk to, someone on my side.
Just keep showing him you are there for him without judgement, that you are not stupid either, and that you will listen.
You'll have to play the long game.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. Do you have anyone you can talk to?