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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What age do you feel...

16 replies

MoodyMumOfOne · 28/11/2017 15:43

...is an acceptable age for your teen to start "sleeping over" at boy/girl friend's house? Mine is nearly 16 and beginning to sound me out on this subject, been with a lovely lad nearly a year. Not yet sexually active and I do believe this to be true. This is whole new territory for me so I would really appreciate the views of mumsnetters who have experience of this stage.

OP posts:

Tinselistacky · 28/11/2017 15:44

My ds is 16 but knows not to ask for an under 16 to sleep over.

AntoniaR87 · 28/11/2017 15:50

I was 15 when I started sleeping at a bf's house but we had to sleep in different rooms and his parents had to be around. I was 17 when we were allowed to sleep in the same bed at his, and 18 when he was allowed to sleep at mine

Teenageromance · 28/11/2017 16:05

DD (16) not allowed yet. Too much too soon in my opinion.

MollyHuaCha · 28/11/2017 16:20

I would say about 30. Or maybe 35...

Orangeplastic · 28/11/2017 21:49

I was 27 - told my very Catholic parents that he'd either share my bed or we'd stay in a hotel - they gave way! With the dcs - it would depend on whether I approved of the relationship - which is probably the wrong thing to say....by 18 years old absolutely but up until then it would depend.

Hulababy · 29/11/2017 09:57

I met dh at 16.

On the very rare occasion we stayed st each other's house - sleepovers were just not popular full stop back then in our area - it was strictly separate rooms and parents were around. We didn't dare risk otherwise. Besides I shared a room with a much younger inter and dh's home was a bungalow so difficult to meet up after dark in the house and no one know.

Infact in our case the first time we were officially allowed to share a room was after we moved in together - and that was after university and we were about 22. Parent knew we stayed at one another's student hours obviously and they turned a blind eye to us staying over if parents were set etc. Seemed fairly common practice though as we have a few friends in similar boats bd they were the same - infact when we visited those friends it was also separate rooms. Didn't prevent us though obviously - there's always ways and means if you want to.

Hulababy · 29/11/2017 09:59

As for Dd - it will be very much dependent on the actual situation - how long together, how serious, suitability of relationship, etc. But not at 16. Too much too young.

Original poster

MoodyMumOfOne · 30/11/2017 14:50

Thank you all for your replies.

OP posts:

Teenageromance · 30/11/2017 15:34

For me, I already feel dd is too much out of the house seeing her boyfriend anyway and the whole family miss her! Staying over would take her even further away. She is 16.

IHaveBrilloHair · 30/11/2017 15:37

Dd is 16, and allowed to have her 17yr old bf stay over, he very rarely does though they I know they are sexually active.
They've been together 9months.

Teenageromance · 30/11/2017 15:41

Why doesn’t he stay over?

tinytreefrog · 08/12/2017 15:26

It's a tough one. I was allowed at 14! But now as a parent this seems far too young.
Dp and I were discussing this the other day, his answer was basically once they are adults and have left home! Which I thought was a bit unreasonable. My thinking is more along the lines of once they are 16 and have left school. Serious relationships were very distracting for me in the last couple years at school and looking back I wish my parents had taken a bit of a firmer approach to parenting!

RestingGrinchFace · 08/12/2017 15:28

I do know some people who married at 16 and I know that it depends on the child in question but for the average teenager I don't think they fully appreciate sex and all it entails until they are a bit older.

IHaveBrilloHair · 08/12/2017 15:34

That doesn't always follow though.
Dd's bf did 6 Highers last year (5th year), and got all A's.
Dd is the only one who commutes so far to her school and is hugely committed to it, she's doing 4 Highers plus a nat5 this year, at one of the best schools in Glasgow.
They currently see each other after school on Tuesdays and all day Saturdays which is all they have time for with homework, study time and seeing their friends.

DownstairsMixUp · 08/12/2017 15:46

When I know the other person well enough, I reserve the right to be comfortable in my own home.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 10/12/2017 23:35

When they were both 16, seemed serious about each other and had been going out for quite a while. To begin with it was separate rooms but I did have several conversations with my DS about contraception, responsibility and respect as his girlfriend is 6 months younger than him.

They are both a bit older now and are allowed to sleep in the same bed but he will sleep on the sofa downstairs quite often as he only has a single bed and its more comfortable for her to have his bed.

I sound very laid back about all of this but I am not really and I would rather they weren't sexually active at 16 if I am honest. It just feels better to be open about this and encourage discussion with my son than have them sneaking about. Her parents agree with this.

Having said all that its your home and your rules and you should only do what you are comfortable with. I have always told my kids that I have the final say on who sleeps in my home (whether same or opposite sex) and where they sleep and they respect that.

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